Upset as usual
Today turned out to be a really shitty day. I felt guilty all day for not answering Joe's text. The guilt basically engulfed my entire day and made me really tired and feeling crappy all day. So, anyhow I broke down and called him but he didn't answer. God, I wanted him to answer so bad. I didn't expect him to say anything different I just wanted to talk to him. I think he didn't answer cuz I didn't yesterday which serves me right but still. I even thought since I don't have class on Thursday I'd go see him but that kind of defeats the purpose of all of this. I just want to be a constant happy you know. I'm just constantly depressed with a few spurts of content here and there. I can't believe one person has such control over my emotions and feelings. I hate myself for being so weak. And really overall my day was really boring. I think I wanted to fall asleep in all of my classes and seriously considered throwing myself off the ambassador bridge from plan boredom. Let me think I need to pull something positive out of this day...um...oh...I finally bought the James Blunt cd Back to Bedlam It is honestly the best thing I have ever heard in my entire life. I've never found any music that I can relate to as well as I can this cd right now. I'm exhausted thinking I'm off to bed. Why do I love him so much?