When you are young and angsty
You might do things that you feel intentionally run "against the grain" of society. Alot of the time you are merely changing your purchasing habits and you are being sold a lifestyle. There was music, television; extensive ranges of products that promised an alternative lifestyle and a piece of the 90's alternative pie. Of course it was bs, and there is little nostalgia left there for me.
But as you get older, assuming you learn to think for yourself, it becomes harder and harder to get caught up in these marketing schemes. Your interests become to diverse for even a myriad of companies/corporate bands/brands to satisfy. There are quite a few things that end up happening, but one of them is feeling uncomfortable in your old clothes or even your skin. You don't quite know where you fit in. You may dye your hair, pierce your nose, or get a tatoo, but these things aren't always a permenent solution. NOTE: Other times these external changes are an accurate reflection of inward change. It's hard for anyone to tell the difference at first glance I think.
I don't know where I'm going with that one.
But I just want to say that I am sure the height of my sexual fantasies involves computer parts, strange facial symmetry, and sunrise. I think that the most beauty can be found in the sense of struggle or incompleteness you experience during transitional periods in your life. It feels good to feel good, and hell, sometimes it feels good to feel down; like having a good cry. But the strangest moments in life are often times the most beautiful to me.
When we were alot furrier, I'm sure mate selection had alot to do with big fists, loud noises, girth, and brute force. But now that we have evolved on a social level (to some extent hahaha) there are so many more factors. I don't want to fuck the girl in the victoria secret ads. In fact, I can't watch mainstream pornography for that very reason.
I don't want a size zero waist, with a size zero brain to match.
Beauty Standards now a days are so fuuuucking disgusting, even in niche communities and so-called counter-cultures, where "acceptance" is cited as the number one reason for belonging, despite the fact that members often have to radically modify themselves physically to "fit-in".
It seems often the biggest turn-off is an unsalvagable negative self-image. I also don't think that much is accomplished by trying to hide from the ugly world we live in. People need to change, and be willing to change.
It is hard for me to forget the hideous images of highschool social behavior, and understand that alot of the people that at one point secretly disgusted me on some level or another have grown and matured into beautiful individuals, but it is a very positive thought I am trying to get used to.
And last but not least, it is hard to have a crush on someone who doesn't know you that well, and not appear akward or forceful. :)
P.S. This may seem like a very negative post, but it feels very good to get it out. So I think the overall tone, at least when I skim through it, is indeed positive. But it may not appear so.
P.P.S. Have you ever taken emotional refuge completely in the heart of another person? When I am truly in love, and my world crumbles around me, I have the worst case of "hold me and play with my hair and tell me it will all be ok" that you could EVER imagine. That being said isn't making out/fucking after spilling your guts the most exhilerating feeling in the whole world?
P.P.P.S. Which do you prefer (on an emotional level)? SLammin ups and downs, or coasting? Sometimes being content feels greatful, but man when your up your up. Nah mean?
P.P.P.P.S Have you ever been a contributor in someones loss of innocence? It's a pretty intense turn on, on some sort of twisted level. It's like we like to share in "sin" with people we want to fuck. It's kinkier on some level. Maybe I'm alone in that one.
But as you get older, assuming you learn to think for yourself, it becomes harder and harder to get caught up in these marketing schemes. Your interests become to diverse for even a myriad of companies/corporate bands/brands to satisfy. There are quite a few things that end up happening, but one of them is feeling uncomfortable in your old clothes or even your skin. You don't quite know where you fit in. You may dye your hair, pierce your nose, or get a tatoo, but these things aren't always a permenent solution. NOTE: Other times these external changes are an accurate reflection of inward change. It's hard for anyone to tell the difference at first glance I think.
I don't know where I'm going with that one.
But I just want to say that I am sure the height of my sexual fantasies involves computer parts, strange facial symmetry, and sunrise. I think that the most beauty can be found in the sense of struggle or incompleteness you experience during transitional periods in your life. It feels good to feel good, and hell, sometimes it feels good to feel down; like having a good cry. But the strangest moments in life are often times the most beautiful to me.
When we were alot furrier, I'm sure mate selection had alot to do with big fists, loud noises, girth, and brute force. But now that we have evolved on a social level (to some extent hahaha) there are so many more factors. I don't want to fuck the girl in the victoria secret ads. In fact, I can't watch mainstream pornography for that very reason.
I don't want a size zero waist, with a size zero brain to match.
Beauty Standards now a days are so fuuuucking disgusting, even in niche communities and so-called counter-cultures, where "acceptance" is cited as the number one reason for belonging, despite the fact that members often have to radically modify themselves physically to "fit-in".
It seems often the biggest turn-off is an unsalvagable negative self-image. I also don't think that much is accomplished by trying to hide from the ugly world we live in. People need to change, and be willing to change.
It is hard for me to forget the hideous images of highschool social behavior, and understand that alot of the people that at one point secretly disgusted me on some level or another have grown and matured into beautiful individuals, but it is a very positive thought I am trying to get used to.
And last but not least, it is hard to have a crush on someone who doesn't know you that well, and not appear akward or forceful. :)
P.S. This may seem like a very negative post, but it feels very good to get it out. So I think the overall tone, at least when I skim through it, is indeed positive. But it may not appear so.
P.P.S. Have you ever taken emotional refuge completely in the heart of another person? When I am truly in love, and my world crumbles around me, I have the worst case of "hold me and play with my hair and tell me it will all be ok" that you could EVER imagine. That being said isn't making out/fucking after spilling your guts the most exhilerating feeling in the whole world?
P.P.P.S. Which do you prefer (on an emotional level)? SLammin ups and downs, or coasting? Sometimes being content feels greatful, but man when your up your up. Nah mean?
P.P.P.P.S Have you ever been a contributor in someones loss of innocence? It's a pretty intense turn on, on some sort of twisted level. It's like we like to share in "sin" with people we want to fuck. It's kinkier on some level. Maybe I'm alone in that one.