my birthday revelations.
I remember a year ago today that i was sitting in the bank of america parking lot, talking to rachel about how it felt like i was severely alone on my birthday.
but alot of has changed since that day.
this past year has most likely been one of the best of my entire life although packed with so much loss and change that i can barely keep up with it all.
ive lost both of my grandfathers this year. Had 6 (and counting) incredibly close friends move away to different parts of the world, found myself, lost myself, found myself again, lost myself again, and now im kind of in between.
the band has changed from the last days of what the soma experience was into what the inhhume experience is becoming.
Ive spoken to old friends from years ago, and found new connection with a few people i never had the chance to really know (not that i know that well now, but at least i have a small look into their lives now...)
Ive said goodbye to old mindsets, emotions, feelings, and loves, and hello to new ones. I have completed my goal of Growing out my hair longer than it has ever been, and lost the weight ive wanted to loose. Ive gotten into 2 car accidents, had my first experience with vandalism which accounted for almost 12 years of musical memories being taken from me. Although since ive gained a new appreciation for what i do still have. Ive learned to play 3 new instruments (well sort of... that being the beginnings of drum kit, the piano, and tamborine *yes you can play a tamborine, not just hit it..*)
I fell in love this year, had my heart broken, allowed myself to feel again, and gained the self confidence i needed to finally (at least somewhat) grow up into someone who i have been wanting to be, and ultimately, as Amy used to see, was ment to become.
i still cannot sleep at night.
i am still not with the love of my life. even though maybe ive found her, but i dont even know that much, with so much confusion, and everyday i cant even know if i am coming or going.
i guess whats important is that i am 24 now.
many years ago a psychic told me that i was only going to live to be about 25.
so i guess i should live like its the last year i am going to be alive.
because it very well might be.
i want so very much to know how it will all end.
but then again.
i really, really really want to live it out and be able to write about it later on.
but alot of has changed since that day.
this past year has most likely been one of the best of my entire life although packed with so much loss and change that i can barely keep up with it all.
ive lost both of my grandfathers this year. Had 6 (and counting) incredibly close friends move away to different parts of the world, found myself, lost myself, found myself again, lost myself again, and now im kind of in between.
the band has changed from the last days of what the soma experience was into what the inhhume experience is becoming.
Ive spoken to old friends from years ago, and found new connection with a few people i never had the chance to really know (not that i know that well now, but at least i have a small look into their lives now...)
Ive said goodbye to old mindsets, emotions, feelings, and loves, and hello to new ones. I have completed my goal of Growing out my hair longer than it has ever been, and lost the weight ive wanted to loose. Ive gotten into 2 car accidents, had my first experience with vandalism which accounted for almost 12 years of musical memories being taken from me. Although since ive gained a new appreciation for what i do still have. Ive learned to play 3 new instruments (well sort of... that being the beginnings of drum kit, the piano, and tamborine *yes you can play a tamborine, not just hit it..*)
I fell in love this year, had my heart broken, allowed myself to feel again, and gained the self confidence i needed to finally (at least somewhat) grow up into someone who i have been wanting to be, and ultimately, as Amy used to see, was ment to become.
i still cannot sleep at night.
i am still not with the love of my life. even though maybe ive found her, but i dont even know that much, with so much confusion, and everyday i cant even know if i am coming or going.
i guess whats important is that i am 24 now.
many years ago a psychic told me that i was only going to live to be about 25.
so i guess i should live like its the last year i am going to be alive.
because it very well might be.
i want so very much to know how it will all end.
but then again.
i really, really really want to live it out and be able to write about it later on.