Mar 28, 2011 20:12
fear and loathing...what is it about these words that so many people can relate to them. is it their substitutability? we can carefully scrape the author out and put ourselves into them. that is certainly my singular opinion. sad that i can shell up in fear and loathing and can't do so with love. maybe that's why i never liked the beatles.
feelings of hopelessness are again setting in that it is every worthwhile to do anything. i find myself wondering very often whether i'm matriculating through problems or merely repressing them. then i get disgusted with the proverbial character of those words. as though every problem has a before during and after. bedurer...the concept is as stupid as it sound. then this gets into the complexity...the futility of conceptualization...the same problem of hopelessness but from a different angle. there's complexity and there's normative influence. again proverbial assaults of never-rightness that feels so wrong. proverbial assaults...attempt to counter them with "don't beat yourself up too much"...that sounds a lot like a proverb. human interaction has to be dictated by proverbs...these little snippets encode all of our moral inclinations, and also lay bare the contingency by which every morality suffers. laud a human action with a seventh order approximation...will this do? depends on the curvature...we should probably continue with brute-force differentiation until the robustness checks pass at a relative tolerance lower than the one over the natural number to the power of the order of approximation...that sure sounds like we're grounding the ideas in something bigger than ourselves. how comfortable must the followers of plato have felt? here's a guy who can actually see into something bigger than the human.
i guess we're just supposed to keep our heads down. though you should look up to plan your fiscal calendar. what a normative failure it is to run out of money and be broke. broke...as though having no money implies not being in working order...oh my! another pun. quite convenient that something that's not working is broken and if you're broke it's probably because you're not working. it's probably reagan's doing. though clearly there's the hippy allure/into the wild appeal of that gentle and well-meaning misfit who treks into the world with no money. you don't want money because you're better than money. surely you can get by on the social approval inherent in such a role. it all just depends on what perspective you want to assume to damage yourself with. "you can't please everyone" there! take you lesson from the proverb...
just be yourself. what a scary proposition. the end-all-be-all of proverbs. ignoring the rhetorical question "if you're not yourself, who are you?" i just want to focus on what fear this brings. fear and loathing. memories flood in of a self crushed and coerced to a fit...crushed and coerced until crushing and coercion were self-inflicted. institutions that abuse a fledgling soul, and in conditioning create an instrument of that institution. "don't beat yourself up" who is responsible for that proverb. it should be stricken...it challenges the order. we have to beat ourselves up...how else to we know how to behave. it isn't just fear, it's real threat of punishment. it's nice and proverbial to instruct one to be brave...but again...proverbial, contingent...is it brave to burn one's hand in the fire because the fire constricts me spatially from being where the fire is? bravery for bravery's sake. i guess the motivation can be found...should i consult foucault? fear...stress...loathing...can a brain grow above them? are they necessary...should they be matriculated through, eradicated, repressed, solved in a vision quest? i can't forgive any of those institutions of my past. teachers and parents...i have a disdain for them. they are not people...i deign to acknowledge their influence in my life. how can you ask of me what you never gave? why am i now the arbiter of justice? don't you know the law is impenetrable...it's all just proverbs anyway.
well there's knowing the answer and then there's knowing the answer. this is a proverb that is highly substitutible. one of the knownings is better...differntiated only by context...which is better, the second or the first? both and niether...it's undefined. quantum mechanics here we go! but really...we should take this to mean that there's a difference between having smething memorized and having fully learned it...or at least that's what i usually do. for instance...i know from people that are smarter than me that a focus on reciprocity and retribution is the path to a life of anger and lack of fulfillment. now i know this...do i really know it? do i see it? do i know why? at what point does a brain know and not memorize...but that knowledge surely is taken in communion with the ex-ante self...knowledge is unique to a person...fucking fucked up it all is. it's too confusing...too many things...do i know them, or do i just have the memorized? a question for me only, clearly. as all of these are. whatever. i have to pee.