i can track my career by my blog entries
it fascinates me that i've been so deep into this career/quarterlife/existential crisis thing that it's the only thing i've written about.
(why yes, i fascinate myself.)
it's been tough - just when i felt like i was on the brink of finding my eureka moment, things keep pulling me back. ripe opportunities have been foregone, and i keep going back to where i started. too many should'ves, would'ves, and could'ves.
it's been tiring, this obsessing-over-my-future thing. thoughts like "where am i headed? what am i doing here? how will this contribute to the grand plan?" keep running through my head each day. i think there are days when i actually think about it actively more than i do my actual work. i only do that on light days, of course. and to constantly have the same questions without finding any answers, and now knowing how to find those answers, is taxing.
part of it, i think, is the fear of getting stuck. getting stuck and not moving up. getting stuck and not seeing all the places i want to, getting stuck making plans and not living them. getting stuck with this day job for the rest of my life, stuck with the same clients, stuck with the same people, and the same life.
i know what i want. i don't know how to get it. and i can't find anyone that can help me figure out how to. there are days when i think that the situation i'm in is actually more frustrating than not knowing what you want.
sometimes, obsessive discontent doesn't drive excellence - it just drives you insane.
(why yes, i fascinate myself.)
it's been tough - just when i felt like i was on the brink of finding my eureka moment, things keep pulling me back. ripe opportunities have been foregone, and i keep going back to where i started. too many should'ves, would'ves, and could'ves.
it's been tiring, this obsessing-over-my-future thing. thoughts like "where am i headed? what am i doing here? how will this contribute to the grand plan?" keep running through my head each day. i think there are days when i actually think about it actively more than i do my actual work. i only do that on light days, of course. and to constantly have the same questions without finding any answers, and now knowing how to find those answers, is taxing.
part of it, i think, is the fear of getting stuck. getting stuck and not moving up. getting stuck and not seeing all the places i want to, getting stuck making plans and not living them. getting stuck with this day job for the rest of my life, stuck with the same clients, stuck with the same people, and the same life.
i know what i want. i don't know how to get it. and i can't find anyone that can help me figure out how to. there are days when i think that the situation i'm in is actually more frustrating than not knowing what you want.
sometimes, obsessive discontent doesn't drive excellence - it just drives you insane.