The Tide is High
good title. the blondie song tide is high is on...
i feel that way. my tide is high, i'm holding on.
then i'd improv the next line...
i'd rather be your lover than your number 1.
i should have known that i couldnt be the whole world to one person.
but i fell in love with that one person
and i wonder if someday she would consider me to be one of her lovers
not the one and only, because i proved i could not handle that.
but i would trade the discomfort, to be able to hold her like i used to.
and vice versa.
i'm not ready for that kind of relationship right now. it would break me, as much as i wanna act all manly and i can take it.
i couldn't be that strong right now. i would just make the situation so much worse.
but i want to believe that some day it could happen. i could be someone who loves her and gets to touch that beautiful soft skin.
i figured out a couple things recently. 1. i believe in myself.... gotta tell you that was a weird breakthrough acheivement. i added up all the facts in my head several times, and all i got was that i believed in myself. All i could prove was me... but i could prove that, so it had to be true, therefore, i could believe in it... it, being me. therefore i believe in myself....because it adds up... and 2. i believe in her. she's amazing. she is a strong, beautiful woman, and i've always believed in her. i always will. i may not have shown it cuz i was trying to prove to myself that i was real, and got trapped in a selfish cycle... but i believe in her... always.
as far as us... like if we look at john and yoko for example. john didn't believe in the beatles. he believed in yoko and him. both individually and together. people may always see John as being a legend, while they see Yoko as the widow... but Yoko is fucking brilliant and John's best work was when he worked with Yoko. He couldn't have done what he did with Yoko with the Beatles. Some of the best songs in rock history would not have been written without the help of Yoko. And yeah, maybe that basic thing could be said about hundreds of thousands of groupies over rock and roll history, but Yoko is unique. Yoko lives on, creating her at everywhere she goes, but deep down knowing that she will always be to most of the world, seen as John Lennon's Widow. And a riot woman like that, wouldn't take that seat easily, unless of course, if she truely believed in him... and she did. It's so deeply romantic it makes me wanna puke. Actually i take that back. Nothing makes me wanna puke. Puking is not fun. I don't know how bullimics do it.
Plus, its just that i relate a little too much to the historical rock n roll love story. it makes me sad for john and yoko. it makes me sad for me... i'm not John Lennon. not even friggin close.
i'm going to bed soon. its so weird how the days just go by. they don't really have any meaning anymore. i'm looking for meaning so hard right now.
oh weird. the song "one thing leads to another" just came on MC retro-music whatever. That's the song i wanna rap over, sort of.
Oh yeah, that reminds me, i feel a little like i should have listened to what everyone told me about getting a belt drive for a DJ turntable. They all said dont do it... but the price was like $150 for a belt as apposed to like $300 for the other kind.
I do feel resentful that i dropped a whole $150 or whatever for maybe 5 decent scratching practices.. and now i can see that a belt drive is not even remotely capable of doing what i need it to do.... however, if i had to wait until i saved up $300 without even knowing if i liked to scratch, or thought i could, i never would have gotten around to buying the better player, cuz i couldnt see myself losing $300 to yet another instument i might never learn.
Record scratching however, i seem to have a feel for that. I'm ready to start learning on 2 records at once, and i definately need a stronger machine than a belt drive.
I could possibly try to sell my stanton, which still works fine... but unless someone is a lot like me, and just wanting to try out scratching first, i'd feel bad selling it.
For my few readers, if you have an interest in the DJ equipment i am thinking of selling, here is the skinny on it. mine's only been used a few times.
http://www.musiciansfriend.com/product/Stanton-T.50X-Belt-Drive-Turntable?sku=804015
but what i need now is 2 of these
http://www.musiciansfriend.com/product/Stanton-T.60-DirectDrive-Turntable-with-Stanton-500B-Cartridge?sku=804016
so if anyone has extra money and wants to buy me a gift... i'm looking for one or two of those. as well as some sweet headphones... i'd settle for decent but if i could get whatever i wanted, i'd go with Bose. So yeah, Bose people, i'm calling out to you, i want some headphones thank you.
i may sound very greedy but i anticipate i will not be recieving those gifts and i'm okay with that.
hunger... sleep? both? neither?
i feel that way. my tide is high, i'm holding on.
then i'd improv the next line...
i'd rather be your lover than your number 1.
i should have known that i couldnt be the whole world to one person.
but i fell in love with that one person
and i wonder if someday she would consider me to be one of her lovers
not the one and only, because i proved i could not handle that.
but i would trade the discomfort, to be able to hold her like i used to.
and vice versa.
i'm not ready for that kind of relationship right now. it would break me, as much as i wanna act all manly and i can take it.
i couldn't be that strong right now. i would just make the situation so much worse.
but i want to believe that some day it could happen. i could be someone who loves her and gets to touch that beautiful soft skin.
i figured out a couple things recently. 1. i believe in myself.... gotta tell you that was a weird breakthrough acheivement. i added up all the facts in my head several times, and all i got was that i believed in myself. All i could prove was me... but i could prove that, so it had to be true, therefore, i could believe in it... it, being me. therefore i believe in myself....because it adds up... and 2. i believe in her. she's amazing. she is a strong, beautiful woman, and i've always believed in her. i always will. i may not have shown it cuz i was trying to prove to myself that i was real, and got trapped in a selfish cycle... but i believe in her... always.
as far as us... like if we look at john and yoko for example. john didn't believe in the beatles. he believed in yoko and him. both individually and together. people may always see John as being a legend, while they see Yoko as the widow... but Yoko is fucking brilliant and John's best work was when he worked with Yoko. He couldn't have done what he did with Yoko with the Beatles. Some of the best songs in rock history would not have been written without the help of Yoko. And yeah, maybe that basic thing could be said about hundreds of thousands of groupies over rock and roll history, but Yoko is unique. Yoko lives on, creating her at everywhere she goes, but deep down knowing that she will always be to most of the world, seen as John Lennon's Widow. And a riot woman like that, wouldn't take that seat easily, unless of course, if she truely believed in him... and she did. It's so deeply romantic it makes me wanna puke. Actually i take that back. Nothing makes me wanna puke. Puking is not fun. I don't know how bullimics do it.
Plus, its just that i relate a little too much to the historical rock n roll love story. it makes me sad for john and yoko. it makes me sad for me... i'm not John Lennon. not even friggin close.
i'm going to bed soon. its so weird how the days just go by. they don't really have any meaning anymore. i'm looking for meaning so hard right now.
oh weird. the song "one thing leads to another" just came on MC retro-music whatever. That's the song i wanna rap over, sort of.
Oh yeah, that reminds me, i feel a little like i should have listened to what everyone told me about getting a belt drive for a DJ turntable. They all said dont do it... but the price was like $150 for a belt as apposed to like $300 for the other kind.
I do feel resentful that i dropped a whole $150 or whatever for maybe 5 decent scratching practices.. and now i can see that a belt drive is not even remotely capable of doing what i need it to do.... however, if i had to wait until i saved up $300 without even knowing if i liked to scratch, or thought i could, i never would have gotten around to buying the better player, cuz i couldnt see myself losing $300 to yet another instument i might never learn.
Record scratching however, i seem to have a feel for that. I'm ready to start learning on 2 records at once, and i definately need a stronger machine than a belt drive.
I could possibly try to sell my stanton, which still works fine... but unless someone is a lot like me, and just wanting to try out scratching first, i'd feel bad selling it.
For my few readers, if you have an interest in the DJ equipment i am thinking of selling, here is the skinny on it. mine's only been used a few times.
http://www.musiciansfriend.com/product/Stanton-T.50X-Belt-Drive-Turntable?sku=804015
but what i need now is 2 of these
http://www.musiciansfriend.com/product/Stanton-T.60-DirectDrive-Turntable-with-Stanton-500B-Cartridge?sku=804016
so if anyone has extra money and wants to buy me a gift... i'm looking for one or two of those. as well as some sweet headphones... i'd settle for decent but if i could get whatever i wanted, i'd go with Bose. So yeah, Bose people, i'm calling out to you, i want some headphones thank you.
i may sound very greedy but i anticipate i will not be recieving those gifts and i'm okay with that.
hunger... sleep? both? neither?