Another false step could drive me insane.
I've been so tired lately. My body won't let me sleep for more than six or seven hours at a time, and by the end of the day I feel like I'm going to collapse. However, my brain is always racing a million miles a minute with things I really shouldn't even be thinking of, and it doesn't slow until the early hours of the morning. My entire being is just confused, I think.
Work is so much fun. I'm really going to miss being able to go in early and stuff - I don't want to go back to school for that reason alone. The kids coming in to my class this year might frustrate me to no end, however. Oh well.. as much as I don't want to do this, I need a weekend job. The mere $200 that I bring in for two weeks worth of work isn't doing it - I have about $130 in savings, and I have an escalating phone bill, half of my insurance left to pay, clothes to buy for school, among other things. My car will need new tires by winter, and I need to work on saving so I can visit TJ when he moves back to Washington. [I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do without that kid. Jesus.] All of these fucking worries about money, and I'm only seventeen. I'm really fucking myself over early in the game. I just hate borrowing money from my parents - it's not like they've got much to lend me anyhow. My dad just started working again after his whole hospital ordeal, and my mom isn't working because it's the summer, which obviously she has off. This means that there isn't much money being brought in. At all. I'm trying to rely on myself as much as I can, but I only work three hours a day for $7.35 an hour. I need a weekend job.
On a more positive note, my senior portraits are done and over with. I saw them briefly after the session was over and from what I could tell, they actually came out okay. I was happy with what I decided to wear - I don't understand why some people feel the need to 'dress up' and whatnot for those things; they're supposed to represent you and who you are. I personally don't care for that sort of thing, so I wore my favorite t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I was comfortable. I also had my photoshoot at Harkness today with Shira, and I really liked working with her. She told me that of the sessions she's done so far for her book, mine is the one that she is most excited about. She's going to e-mail me with a personal link so I can see the photos that were taken and download them to my computer. Today was fun, and it made me feel good about myself.
I guess it's about time that I learned how to make my journal 'friends only'. I'm sick of having my own words/thoughts/feelings thrown back in my face; it's my journal, and I will continue to write what I want to. I'll just have to limit who has access to this, because I can't be put down anymore. I'm done.
Work is so much fun. I'm really going to miss being able to go in early and stuff - I don't want to go back to school for that reason alone. The kids coming in to my class this year might frustrate me to no end, however. Oh well.. as much as I don't want to do this, I need a weekend job. The mere $200 that I bring in for two weeks worth of work isn't doing it - I have about $130 in savings, and I have an escalating phone bill, half of my insurance left to pay, clothes to buy for school, among other things. My car will need new tires by winter, and I need to work on saving so I can visit TJ when he moves back to Washington. [I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do without that kid. Jesus.] All of these fucking worries about money, and I'm only seventeen. I'm really fucking myself over early in the game. I just hate borrowing money from my parents - it's not like they've got much to lend me anyhow. My dad just started working again after his whole hospital ordeal, and my mom isn't working because it's the summer, which obviously she has off. This means that there isn't much money being brought in. At all. I'm trying to rely on myself as much as I can, but I only work three hours a day for $7.35 an hour. I need a weekend job.
On a more positive note, my senior portraits are done and over with. I saw them briefly after the session was over and from what I could tell, they actually came out okay. I was happy with what I decided to wear - I don't understand why some people feel the need to 'dress up' and whatnot for those things; they're supposed to represent you and who you are. I personally don't care for that sort of thing, so I wore my favorite t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I was comfortable. I also had my photoshoot at Harkness today with Shira, and I really liked working with her. She told me that of the sessions she's done so far for her book, mine is the one that she is most excited about. She's going to e-mail me with a personal link so I can see the photos that were taken and download them to my computer. Today was fun, and it made me feel good about myself.
I guess it's about time that I learned how to make my journal 'friends only'. I'm sick of having my own words/thoughts/feelings thrown back in my face; it's my journal, and I will continue to write what I want to. I'll just have to limit who has access to this, because I can't be put down anymore. I'm done.