hello livejournal, it's been too long.
It's been so long since i've written in here, i've completely forgotten how to do it. hah. Well i've been living in florida since April 2008. Almost 1 year. Insanity, mostly. Got my own place, 2 dogs.. living alright. But it's so much harder when you don't have the friends you've grown up around. I miss my family above all. I found out who my TRUE friends were, and it was very scarce. Jodi doesn't even talk to me anymore, and it's really sad. I miss her. Rachael barely ever calls, and when i call usually it's a no answer and then it'll be months before she calls back. Jessica checks in most of the time, but lately she's been really busy i guess. The people down here are weird, and i don't trust any of them. Derrick is having the same problems. We are at eachother's throats sometimes, but we are making it through. We don't want to give up, so i'm changing things i don't like, and hopefully he'll follow suit. Daro has been the only one of them all who's called or talked to me almost every day. Surprising, alittle.. but i like it. She moved in last Tuesday because New York was not doing it for her anymore. It's been a little strange getting use to another girl in the house, but i'm adjusting. I get a little jealous how he acts towards her, but they've been friends for so long.. it's like it was with me and Mike Ruggabur or John Gilboy, homies till the end. I understand thier closeness now. Sometimes my rational judgement flies out the window at warpspeed and i turn into this raging lunatic, i don't get myself. I think i'm slowly coming to the conclusion maybe Derrick isn't right for me, but it's hard to tell.. so i'm trucking. I love him, don't get me wrong. We've just fallen into this routinely pattern, and we need to break it. We'll see.
I hate that my friends no longer talk to me, especially since I seriously try to stay in contact with them. It boggles me. Truely.
I'm trying to be happy, but my past creeps up everyonce in awhile, and i feel like i've made 1 step forward and then 2 steps back. Especially in my relationship with derrick, but i'm trying to change my attitude. I hate being miserable, and i refuse to let myself be anymore.
But i'll tell ya, life loves to try and keep you down. fuck the society that is the world today, its fucking depressing. Live to work your ass off for some kind of meaninful life that you end up being miserable because you couldn't do what you wanted, because you had to work and pay taxes that help other people reep rewards and then you die. I see it as we should be able to do what we passionately want in life and money should be shared by everyone. Sharing is caring, and love is the #1 world saver. I think i should stop here before i completely turn into a post-veitnam hippie protester.
Getting a new car in february, new home/apartment as well. Then hopefully, i can get rid of my only credit card debt. woo.