(no subject)
Well hmm where do I start damnit I don't even know wtf to say cause my mind is realy fuckin twisted I can't put my mind together its one huge puzzle nothing makes sense to me anymore one problem after another and I just can't solve shit anymore just tired or not trying hard enough and why should I ain't worthy arguing with my fuckin best friend of my bs life Ilya damnit why the fuck we bring I bring past shit happened leave it no I been stupid I know you screwed up so did I we'are kewl I'm sorry bro about that we had that convo so many time just something is eating me inside I don't know I have to figure maybe I just have to be more realistic and not to hope for what changes you set your mind good I have to do the same thing go further build my nowhere going life keep going with my band just wanted you to be part of it o well bro its cool maybe someday its never too late...Ah I just can't deal with shit anymore I don't know wtf is going on anymore so much so fuckin much its just fuckin with my head and I'm afraid that I'm not in control anymore I think I'm becoming a alcoholic I don't drink so fuckin offten but everytime I get together with gusy I get fuckin wasted to my ass wasted stupid damnit just so much pressure my parents damn it I'm fuckin 22 now yea I guess that will keep fuckin with me till I move out for good its just Stony Brook have to wait till spring and shit till I can transffer not sure anymore if I should go there otherwise I would get a place with George if I'll stay in queens college I don't know anymore wtf I want at some poing hanging with you guys its great but everytime we get together thats its not always but lately thats what we've been doin especialy me and George fuck man I love you bro yer fuckin awesome you know I'll always be there for you bro always you know that thanks for been there for me yea I don't know if I was helpful to every1 and if I still am just bs I didn't tell everything ah I just have to get through I just don't know wtf am I doing with everything and Franchesca its a bs relationship I broke up with her 3 times and she cam eback to me damnit asking for forgiveness and since I'm sucha fuckin nice guy at some point I guess I accept I forgave her and why ain't worthy damn it she doesn't want anythin serious jsut sex nah fuck buddies I'm tire dof it its not for me as I thought it was it was never me not my game just got tired of serious shit and commitments decided to try something new well its not that new but just bs I thought we can do 50 50 but nope I don't know wtf am I doing just rip my fuckin heart out cuz its pointless not worthy cuz it will always belongs to somebody else which prolly hmm bs I don't know what to think just tired of everything I need a break a vacation from life I can't take it anymore I can't deal with this shit on my own anymore even I thought and I felt I was strong but not anymore I realy doubt it and every1 else thought that and think nah I don't know what I'm saying its meaningless I'm sorry for everything if I been an asshole selfish bitchy better than been nothing or maybe I'm nothing damnit take care sorry again pces