(no subject)
i've neglected this livejournal for years and i would like to think that its because i am no longer the 17 year old boy i was when i first made it. but, that would be just a pretty blatant lie, and while i am all about lying to people, i've been lying to myself way to long. i could go on about how shitty my life is, but i dont really think there is a point. i very obviously like most people who read this don't believe in a god, so i am trying to figure out what the fuck using the world soul means for an atheist. i don't have one anymore i don't think, or maybe never have. because, its pretty much a made up concept. its really hard not to believe in anything, and i am not talking about god here. i am talking about not being able to believe in myself. where do i go from here, who the fuck knows. it was better when i had one delusion, maybe the only thing left is to go insane, or act it until i can convince myself and everybody else thats what i am. (i guess thats probably not the best thing to do now since i put it was my plan in a semi-public place) i'd go into a long rant here, but i cant seem to find the desire to want to do it.