Time To Blow the Dust Off...

[lonelyantisheep]

As I write these words, most of my clothes are in the dryer. I waited a couple days too many, so I had to dig pretty deep in my dresser to find jeans to wear while washing the ones I actually like. I'm wearing a pair of ridiculous skinny hipster-jeans right now, and it occurs to me that pairs of pants are really a lot like aspirations. It's

Comments

[la_flechette]

I don't have an answer for you, of course, but a couple of things occurred to me that I would add to your deliberations (if they aren't already there):
*The likelihood of you making a significant contribution. You've definitely alluded to this, but specifically if the "6 billion people * tiny chance of disaster > 1" utility function is a large part of your motivation, it's worth considering "6 billion people * tiny chance of disaster * possibly tiny chance that my efforts will change the likelihood of disaster >? 1" as well.

*Your happiness and fulfillment are only acceptable sacrifices insofar as being unhappy doesn't affect your contribution to your cause of choice.

I do know that you may have already considered one or both of these, and don't mean to imply otherwise; they were just the factors that stood out to me. Personally, I think I'd be incapacitated with anxiety if I tried to combat issues like these on a daily basis, and I would have difficulty maintaining motivation in the face of such uncertain success (this is why I never got into lab science, either).

I don't trust you any *less* to make momentous decisions than anyone else, but that is in part because I don't know much about other people working on the problems. Your willingness to ask for input (as evidenced by this post) is a strong factor in your favor.

tl;dr If you think you can make a difference and won't burn out, go for it. But do keep talking to us all, as security clearance allows ^_^

[lonelyantisheep]

Believe me, I'm not about to start working feverish 16-hour days and entirely ignoring my own well-being; as you pointed out, it wouldn't help.

As for my ability to make a significant contribution, well, this is where we start to get into territory usually called "arrogance."

I am very, very intelligent. I acquire and integrate knowledge quickly and easily; I kick ass at many varieties of formal reasoning. I have accomplished nothing particularly exceptional, but for the vast majority of my life I was afflicted by the related conditions of ADHD and a lack of motivation. Between Adderall and a desperate, all-consuming moral imperative, I think I can turn that shit around and do something meaningful.

That's my hypothesis, at least. I won't find out until I test it.