[TW Fic] Goodbye, Love
Title: Goodbye, Love
Characters: Jack
Rating: PG
Word Count: 602
Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by RTD and the BBC. This is a work of fanfiction and no money is being made from it. Title is taken from "Goodbye Love" from the soundtrack of Rent.
Summary: Jack had loved and lost so many times he’d lost count.
Author’s Note: Sequel to Oh Captain, My Captain, although it can be read as a stand alone. Requested by trying_t0_be as part of the timestamp meme.
*
Jack had loved and lost so many times he’d lost count. Each time a new group of people came, each time that his heart fluttered, he swore to himself that he would never allow himself to fall in love again. He sought solace in the warm, willing bodies of the people around him, sometimes nameless faces, other times friends, but never allowing it to be anything more than the simple act of losing himself in another. Sex made him feel grounded, letting him forget his worries and finding solace for just a brief moment. It was always there, whatever planet he found himself on, whatever time he was in. Love was different. Love let him soar between the stars, giddy with the lightness of his heart, and then it was gone. Like a burst balloon, he lost the one he loved, and he felt like his heart would never heal again.
He tried to stop himself loving, because that pain hurt more than anything else in the world. It hurt more than drowning and electrocution, stabbing and starvation; all the ways Jack had died added together wouldn’t have provided enough pain to replicate what he felt at losing the one he held dear, the one that he loved. But he went on; he had to, because there was no oblivion for him. One day, they breathed their last and surrendered to the darkness. For him, the darkness was always there, always hovering on the edge of his life, but never quite managing to capture him.
Jack had loved and lost so many times he’d lost count, but each one hurt just as much as the one before.
Losing Ianto hurt more. It hurt more than losing Owen and Toshiko had, hurt more than losing Alex and Estelle, even more than losing Rose, because Ianto had always been there, at his right-hand side. Ianto had always known what to do or say, what Jack needed before he himself knew, how best to comfort or console him, and when he really needed to be alone. Ianto had been the one that Jack hoped never to lose, because they fitted together so perfectly.
He hadn’t been the love of Jack’s life, because Jack had lived many lives, in many times and many places, but he had been the love of this part of his life. And now he was gone, and Jack didn’t know what to do.
When Owen and Toshiko had died, Jack had said that the end was where they started from, and this was true whenever he lost someone - even if that someone was Ianto. He had to go on, because nobody else would, or could. He had to go on, because for some reason, he was the universe’s constant; he was the only one left around when everyone and everything else was gone. His heart might have been falling to pieces, he might have been feeling more world-weary than ever before and the desire to go to sleep and never wake up was one that hounded his thoughts, but he had to go on.
“I won’t forget you, Ianto,” Jack whispered, shutting the door of the morgue drawer as delicately as he could, leaning against it for more than a few moments, head down, eyes squeezed shut as if that would help to stem the silent flow of tears. The paperwork lay on his desk, already filled out in triplicate, just as Ianto would have liked it.
He was the one that had to go on, but he could allow himself a few weeks to mourn first. The universe would wait.
Characters: Jack
Rating: PG
Word Count: 602
Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by RTD and the BBC. This is a work of fanfiction and no money is being made from it. Title is taken from "Goodbye Love" from the soundtrack of Rent.
Summary: Jack had loved and lost so many times he’d lost count.
Author’s Note: Sequel to Oh Captain, My Captain, although it can be read as a stand alone. Requested by trying_t0_be as part of the timestamp meme.
*
Jack had loved and lost so many times he’d lost count. Each time a new group of people came, each time that his heart fluttered, he swore to himself that he would never allow himself to fall in love again. He sought solace in the warm, willing bodies of the people around him, sometimes nameless faces, other times friends, but never allowing it to be anything more than the simple act of losing himself in another. Sex made him feel grounded, letting him forget his worries and finding solace for just a brief moment. It was always there, whatever planet he found himself on, whatever time he was in. Love was different. Love let him soar between the stars, giddy with the lightness of his heart, and then it was gone. Like a burst balloon, he lost the one he loved, and he felt like his heart would never heal again.
He tried to stop himself loving, because that pain hurt more than anything else in the world. It hurt more than drowning and electrocution, stabbing and starvation; all the ways Jack had died added together wouldn’t have provided enough pain to replicate what he felt at losing the one he held dear, the one that he loved. But he went on; he had to, because there was no oblivion for him. One day, they breathed their last and surrendered to the darkness. For him, the darkness was always there, always hovering on the edge of his life, but never quite managing to capture him.
Jack had loved and lost so many times he’d lost count, but each one hurt just as much as the one before.
Losing Ianto hurt more. It hurt more than losing Owen and Toshiko had, hurt more than losing Alex and Estelle, even more than losing Rose, because Ianto had always been there, at his right-hand side. Ianto had always known what to do or say, what Jack needed before he himself knew, how best to comfort or console him, and when he really needed to be alone. Ianto had been the one that Jack hoped never to lose, because they fitted together so perfectly.
He hadn’t been the love of Jack’s life, because Jack had lived many lives, in many times and many places, but he had been the love of this part of his life. And now he was gone, and Jack didn’t know what to do.
When Owen and Toshiko had died, Jack had said that the end was where they started from, and this was true whenever he lost someone - even if that someone was Ianto. He had to go on, because nobody else would, or could. He had to go on, because for some reason, he was the universe’s constant; he was the only one left around when everyone and everything else was gone. His heart might have been falling to pieces, he might have been feeling more world-weary than ever before and the desire to go to sleep and never wake up was one that hounded his thoughts, but he had to go on.
“I won’t forget you, Ianto,” Jack whispered, shutting the door of the morgue drawer as delicately as he could, leaning against it for more than a few moments, head down, eyes squeezed shut as if that would help to stem the silent flow of tears. The paperwork lay on his desk, already filled out in triplicate, just as Ianto would have liked it.
He was the one that had to go on, but he could allow himself a few weeks to mourn first. The universe would wait.