Lost of love, lost of hope....
Well lets see...
I have basically done nothing. I barely go out anymore, most of my time is spent in my room by myself. I guess that is what I deserve for the way I act with people, and just not being a happy person. I don't really know. I didn't go to school last Friday, not like I was missed, but I didn't go, I didn't feel good so I just stayed home. I mostly slept all day then my lovely friend Dani (Danielle (spelling)) came over and saw me for like an hour or so. She was meeting our friends over at the Van Mall. So she stopped by to chat for a little bit. I thought it was really cool. I actually found one person that I have not had one single bad moment, nor have had any arguements, or disagreements. Whatever we do it's so much fun. She is such the sweetest person. For instince (spelling), Sunday, when she picked me up, I was kind of having a bad day, and so was she. So she took me to Starbuck's and she bought me a Caramel Macchiato (spelling) and she got something as well, then we had a view ciggerattes, then we drove all the way to Kelso to meet Nancy and Josh.
On the way there, we felt so good because we were with each other. Like even though we were having crappy mornings, when we saw eachother like everything turned into fun. When we were on the road driving to Kelso, all we did most of the way was just Laugh, tell jokes, make fun of some people, and just were having a few ciggerettes and just injoying the ride. It was so fun. If I could do it over again I would do it over and over and over again in a second. I feel like I should do something really sweet for her, because she bought me dinner like a few times, bought me Starbuck's twice, got me Ciggerettes, paid for a movie for me, and just hangs with me. I love it. It makes me feel so happy that someone actually likes to hang with me and all that we do always turns into fun. Nothing negative, everything just so postitive. I thank her so much for the things she has done for me, exspecially with all the money issues. I truely am thankful.
I think she will end up turning into one of my closet friends. Truely. I am just in awww...
Well anyways, Saturday I did nothing because Krista got sick so we couldn't do anything, then I tried to make plans with Dani but she was busy with her parents. So I just stayed home and I talked to people on the phone for basically hours..It was great. Actually by the end of all the phone calls, I was actually mad at two people. Like all of a sudden I just got so damn mad. I hate when people are mis-leading, ignorant, jelous, takes revange, childish, secretive, liars, users, cheaters, and just planning a Male. I am so surprised about how people act. It truely shocks me, people must think I am either ignorant or just don't pay attentiong, but I do, I sit there and listen and see everything that happens. I am in shock at what people do, what people say, how they react to things. It's so sad. I mean I know at times I can be some of the things that I listed, I do not deny that. I know how I act and how I can act at times. Come on though. The people who mostly come to mind are doing it like everyday. I am surprised no one else comments on their actions. It's truely sad. It's hard to decide what should I be towards them, sad, sympathetic, sorry, upset, furious, understanding, or happy. I truely don't know. The things people do.
If there was a God (that is my perspective, I do not believe in one, if one of you do all for it, I am not putting him down just saying I do not believe in him), I bet he would always be sad, furious, and plan to start the whole world over again. This world has gone out of control, all of its Hypercriticalness, Sadness, Depressing times, the Hard Times, all the miss leading people, Rap, Crimes, lairs, cheaters, haters, all the discrimination, prejudice, war, the terror, the death rate, the diseases, the sickness, the killings, the weapons, just everything. This world is going down so fast, and I wonder if anyone is truely noticing. There is so little happiness out there. It's like you have to go out of your way just to find happiness. I just don't know anymore. I read people's journal, blogs, comments, just everything, I see how people act, I see how people change. It's so sad. I feel so much sympathy for this world. Why is everything so hard?
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE EXPECT FROM ME!?
You all of problems yes I truely know this, but I am sorry I have so many right now I don't know what to do, try to hide and try to fix by myself, try to talk to someone, or just to go and hurt myself. I don't know what to do. Then all of you come to me about so much. The ones who cut themselves, the one's that have bad lives, and live styles, just all of you. Yes I love to help, I mean I am your friend please come to me. When I try to help do not say I am saying the wrong thing, because you come to me for help, which I try to advise to but I can only do so much, if you turn me down then please do not come to me. I do not ask for a lot from any of you, actually for the most part I ask for nothing, I am not needy, I am not helpless, I try to do as much things by my own, I am a strong person. I can only do so much to help all of you.
I do not know what to do anymore..I truely don't I feel like I am Alice in Wonderland, falling further and further down the black tunnel, or the were she gets lost in the Maze, you think one way is better but in the end it's just another wrong turn.
I guess I will depart now. There is not much to say. If you guys would like, it would make me happy if you people commented. Thank you. Well talk to you all later...
Love,
Josh
I have basically done nothing. I barely go out anymore, most of my time is spent in my room by myself. I guess that is what I deserve for the way I act with people, and just not being a happy person. I don't really know. I didn't go to school last Friday, not like I was missed, but I didn't go, I didn't feel good so I just stayed home. I mostly slept all day then my lovely friend Dani (Danielle (spelling)) came over and saw me for like an hour or so. She was meeting our friends over at the Van Mall. So she stopped by to chat for a little bit. I thought it was really cool. I actually found one person that I have not had one single bad moment, nor have had any arguements, or disagreements. Whatever we do it's so much fun. She is such the sweetest person. For instince (spelling), Sunday, when she picked me up, I was kind of having a bad day, and so was she. So she took me to Starbuck's and she bought me a Caramel Macchiato (spelling) and she got something as well, then we had a view ciggerattes, then we drove all the way to Kelso to meet Nancy and Josh.
On the way there, we felt so good because we were with each other. Like even though we were having crappy mornings, when we saw eachother like everything turned into fun. When we were on the road driving to Kelso, all we did most of the way was just Laugh, tell jokes, make fun of some people, and just were having a few ciggerettes and just injoying the ride. It was so fun. If I could do it over again I would do it over and over and over again in a second. I feel like I should do something really sweet for her, because she bought me dinner like a few times, bought me Starbuck's twice, got me Ciggerettes, paid for a movie for me, and just hangs with me. I love it. It makes me feel so happy that someone actually likes to hang with me and all that we do always turns into fun. Nothing negative, everything just so postitive. I thank her so much for the things she has done for me, exspecially with all the money issues. I truely am thankful.
I think she will end up turning into one of my closet friends. Truely. I am just in awww...
Well anyways, Saturday I did nothing because Krista got sick so we couldn't do anything, then I tried to make plans with Dani but she was busy with her parents. So I just stayed home and I talked to people on the phone for basically hours..It was great. Actually by the end of all the phone calls, I was actually mad at two people. Like all of a sudden I just got so damn mad. I hate when people are mis-leading, ignorant, jelous, takes revange, childish, secretive, liars, users, cheaters, and just planning a Male. I am so surprised about how people act. It truely shocks me, people must think I am either ignorant or just don't pay attentiong, but I do, I sit there and listen and see everything that happens. I am in shock at what people do, what people say, how they react to things. It's so sad. I mean I know at times I can be some of the things that I listed, I do not deny that. I know how I act and how I can act at times. Come on though. The people who mostly come to mind are doing it like everyday. I am surprised no one else comments on their actions. It's truely sad. It's hard to decide what should I be towards them, sad, sympathetic, sorry, upset, furious, understanding, or happy. I truely don't know. The things people do.
If there was a God (that is my perspective, I do not believe in one, if one of you do all for it, I am not putting him down just saying I do not believe in him), I bet he would always be sad, furious, and plan to start the whole world over again. This world has gone out of control, all of its Hypercriticalness, Sadness, Depressing times, the Hard Times, all the miss leading people, Rap, Crimes, lairs, cheaters, haters, all the discrimination, prejudice, war, the terror, the death rate, the diseases, the sickness, the killings, the weapons, just everything. This world is going down so fast, and I wonder if anyone is truely noticing. There is so little happiness out there. It's like you have to go out of your way just to find happiness. I just don't know anymore. I read people's journal, blogs, comments, just everything, I see how people act, I see how people change. It's so sad. I feel so much sympathy for this world. Why is everything so hard?
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE EXPECT FROM ME!?
You all of problems yes I truely know this, but I am sorry I have so many right now I don't know what to do, try to hide and try to fix by myself, try to talk to someone, or just to go and hurt myself. I don't know what to do. Then all of you come to me about so much. The ones who cut themselves, the one's that have bad lives, and live styles, just all of you. Yes I love to help, I mean I am your friend please come to me. When I try to help do not say I am saying the wrong thing, because you come to me for help, which I try to advise to but I can only do so much, if you turn me down then please do not come to me. I do not ask for a lot from any of you, actually for the most part I ask for nothing, I am not needy, I am not helpless, I try to do as much things by my own, I am a strong person. I can only do so much to help all of you.
I do not know what to do anymore..I truely don't I feel like I am Alice in Wonderland, falling further and further down the black tunnel, or the were she gets lost in the Maze, you think one way is better but in the end it's just another wrong turn.
I guess I will depart now. There is not much to say. If you guys would like, it would make me happy if you people commented. Thank you. Well talk to you all later...
Love,
Josh