(no subject)
Guys, I'm very anxious about being in ottawa for some reason. Maybe it has to do with living with my parents again. I'm not sure. It may also be the working at costco thing. I can't quite pin down what my issue is. Maybe I feel a little stranded. Stranded in space and in time. Something feels dead about all this. I feel like everything should be happening now. Maybe I have postponed adventure for too long.
Maybe the anxiety is about what I'm pretty sure I have completely decided about school/life goals. The tree fort village thing that I will pretty much talk about non-stop for quite some time now, by the way. I feel like I get a lot of strange vibes from people when I talk about that. Like they have something to say about it that they're not saying. And it usually feels like something skeptical they have to say. Which I kinda get. But I really wish people would voice their doubts mercilessly. Otherwise I worry there's a problem someone else can see that I haven't thought of. I can't address issues that I haven't thought of. The idea is probably insane. But I feel like it is actually the best goal I could pursue.
Overall, I know I need to take time to slow down and let everything sink in a bit. I have 4 months to a year to make some important decisions. But I also need to do something about this feeling I have about tonight and tomorrow morning. But these things are pretty related, and maybe there is nothing I can do but just kinda ride it out. Maybe stress will reduce once I get my work schedule worked out. I'm trying to figure out how I can be fearlessly open with people creatively. I think my self consciousness has been bogging me down a lot recently. I need to figure out how to be supported by my friends.
This entry has more words than many of my entries, but I feel like I've said exactly as much as a once sentence entry.
Maybe the anxiety is about what I'm pretty sure I have completely decided about school/life goals. The tree fort village thing that I will pretty much talk about non-stop for quite some time now, by the way. I feel like I get a lot of strange vibes from people when I talk about that. Like they have something to say about it that they're not saying. And it usually feels like something skeptical they have to say. Which I kinda get. But I really wish people would voice their doubts mercilessly. Otherwise I worry there's a problem someone else can see that I haven't thought of. I can't address issues that I haven't thought of. The idea is probably insane. But I feel like it is actually the best goal I could pursue.
Overall, I know I need to take time to slow down and let everything sink in a bit. I have 4 months to a year to make some important decisions. But I also need to do something about this feeling I have about tonight and tomorrow morning. But these things are pretty related, and maybe there is nothing I can do but just kinda ride it out. Maybe stress will reduce once I get my work schedule worked out. I'm trying to figure out how I can be fearlessly open with people creatively. I think my self consciousness has been bogging me down a lot recently. I need to figure out how to be supported by my friends.
This entry has more words than many of my entries, but I feel like I've said exactly as much as a once sentence entry.