(no subject)
Isn't it amazing how gorgeous life can be? You never even know it, but it sneaks up on you and kicks you in the ass, saying "Get it in gear ya bum! Life's out there..so GRAB IT!"
I've been seeing a girl, but it didn't work out. But for once instead of brooding about it I feel like I just need to get out and have a great time with my life! It's wasn't totally a bad relationship...in fact parts of it were awesome...but for some reason I feel like there is something out there for me...something I have to do. I can't be held back by relationships that won't work, feelings that will fade, or even my existence in this small room. I have to get out! I have to be free and flying high!
It's as if for so long something has had its icy grip on me and I've finally broken free.
I cried last week...maybe that was it. Mom called me to tell me that my oldest dog had cancer and they didn't know if they'd be able to afford to get it taken care of. The thought of one of my closest soul mates losing her life because of money is amazingly heartwrenching. It came at the most inopportune time too. I was in the middle of hanging lights 3 flights of scaffolding above the stage alone. The tears streamed down my face as I quietly sobbed and none of the cast was the wiser. No one was even aware that I had been on the phone, and no one saw that my eyes were tear streaked and my shirt was wet. I had been in my own little world for that brief moment..all of the stress of my life flowing out of me in small rivers of saline.
And then it was done. The tears stopped coming and I went back to work. And the next day the sun came out in full force, bringing with it Spring and all of the fun days ahead.
And now, a week later, I can't stop smiling. Everything in my world could get turned upside down...and I'd still be a smiling mess. I don't understand it, but I'm not even going to try and do so. I love this...this feeling of immense peace...immense joy. And for once it's not based on a woman or a show...it's based on me. My life. My hopes, my dreams, my joy.
Oh God! All I can say is......thank you....my life is as it needs to be.
I've been seeing a girl, but it didn't work out. But for once instead of brooding about it I feel like I just need to get out and have a great time with my life! It's wasn't totally a bad relationship...in fact parts of it were awesome...but for some reason I feel like there is something out there for me...something I have to do. I can't be held back by relationships that won't work, feelings that will fade, or even my existence in this small room. I have to get out! I have to be free and flying high!
It's as if for so long something has had its icy grip on me and I've finally broken free.
I cried last week...maybe that was it. Mom called me to tell me that my oldest dog had cancer and they didn't know if they'd be able to afford to get it taken care of. The thought of one of my closest soul mates losing her life because of money is amazingly heartwrenching. It came at the most inopportune time too. I was in the middle of hanging lights 3 flights of scaffolding above the stage alone. The tears streamed down my face as I quietly sobbed and none of the cast was the wiser. No one was even aware that I had been on the phone, and no one saw that my eyes were tear streaked and my shirt was wet. I had been in my own little world for that brief moment..all of the stress of my life flowing out of me in small rivers of saline.
And then it was done. The tears stopped coming and I went back to work. And the next day the sun came out in full force, bringing with it Spring and all of the fun days ahead.
And now, a week later, I can't stop smiling. Everything in my world could get turned upside down...and I'd still be a smiling mess. I don't understand it, but I'm not even going to try and do so. I love this...this feeling of immense peace...immense joy. And for once it's not based on a woman or a show...it's based on me. My life. My hopes, my dreams, my joy.
Oh God! All I can say is......thank you....my life is as it needs to be.