maybe...who cares...
i just don't feel like going on any more. my body just seems to be giving up on me. my mind doesn't think anymore. my soul.. my soul... just ain't there any more. maybe i should just give it all up, just end it. i don't think any one will notice. who would care if i just up and killed myself. who would mourn me. i have no one in this world it seems like. no one to talk to. no one to tell my darkest thouhts to. no one. yeah there is zir. but half the time i can't talk to her because she is dealing with her own shit. the other half i think she either doesn't care or she doesn't understand, or she doesn't really listen. yeah i am sorry if you all are upset by all this. don't let it get to you. maybe i am just ranting because of the holidays.
any ways happy holidays. hope it finds you well. sorry this is long. i don't know how to that thing that creates a link so that you can read it if you want. but this song sums up how i feel.
"Suicide Hotline, may I help you?"
"Yea, uhh, Well, Im about to fuckin' kill myself"
"Listen, ya dont wanna do that, ok you dont wanna do that, ok?"
"Theres so many fuckin reasons why I dont even need to be here anymore, Imma put a slug in my fuckin head"
"Listen ya dont wanna do that, you wanna be on earth, ok?
"Fuck that shit man, I gotta gun right row"
"Put it away"
"And i got it right under my chin, man fuck that"
"Take it away from your chin"
"Im gonna fuckin blow my head all over the fuckin ceiling"
"No, you're not"
"Fuck this shit man"
"Hey, just talk to me, ok?
It aint no point ta me wakin up
Everybody's time I'm takin up (Noo)
I got nobody, their aint a shoulder near
I cant stay here when its colder there
I dont wanna look back 'cause its gonna hurt
I slice my wrist and It's gonna squirt
For me, everybody holds the hate
I get backstabbed an everybody holds the stake
Theres no roads to take, I'm in a circle drive
Bustin at myself an Im tryin to survive
I'll dissapoint you, and I will let you down
I aint got many homeboys comin around
You dont understand, so dont say you do
I swear I'll put a motherfuckin' slug in you
Im the only one, the lonely one
At home alone loadin the gun, thinkin why not?
"Why not? Why would you wanna die? Ok, Ok, you have feelings, inside your head, ok? I understand that. feelings of depression, When you have depression, you have a lonely place inside your heart, ok, and your heart means everything to the world, ok?"
I got court comin up, I stoled a truck
I got a bitch pregnant and im broke as fuck
I wanna get high but I got piss test
Im always 1st name on top of shit list
Get this, the witch has made my chest
it's permanent nightly visiting nest
Their aint no clothes that I look good in
I'm the motherfuckin big red train that couldn't
I got no family, I stoled they shit
restraining orders, an I still wont quit
I hot rock bottem, and then I fell in a hole
and then I fell through the floor, in that hole some more
I've been missin for a year, nobodys lookin (I am)
I got beat down an my shit tooken (Ooh)
I look ahead an all I see is more of the same
All this self-inflicted bullet hole, pourin my brain
"oook, I understand that you're in pain, ok? I understand everything you're going through, I've been there myself, ok, now, your pain is my pain, alright? And I feel your pain, And I wanna be your friend, just me and you
Friends."
I dream about cuttin' heads off wit a shovel
The dreams are gettin serious, I think I'm in trouble
I dont hold memories for more then an hour
i'm tired as fuck, and i'm drained of power
I aint halfway there an im all out of time
I'm like a crushed lightbulb, all outta shine
I been all around the world an no place is home
I wanna see the other side when I face this chrome
I'm butt naked, i been jackin off, gettin' drunk
It's my last hours alive, who gives a fuck? (me)
It dont matter, I'm doin this shit in the garage
Tryin' make it easier for them ta clean my head splage
This bitch I loved, I hope she finds me
Still up in the chair wit my thoughts behind me (Wait, no)
I'm about to do IT!
any ways happy holidays. hope it finds you well. sorry this is long. i don't know how to that thing that creates a link so that you can read it if you want. but this song sums up how i feel.
"Suicide Hotline, may I help you?"
"Yea, uhh, Well, Im about to fuckin' kill myself"
"Listen, ya dont wanna do that, ok you dont wanna do that, ok?"
"Theres so many fuckin reasons why I dont even need to be here anymore, Imma put a slug in my fuckin head"
"Listen ya dont wanna do that, you wanna be on earth, ok?
"Fuck that shit man, I gotta gun right row"
"Put it away"
"And i got it right under my chin, man fuck that"
"Take it away from your chin"
"Im gonna fuckin blow my head all over the fuckin ceiling"
"No, you're not"
"Fuck this shit man"
"Hey, just talk to me, ok?
It aint no point ta me wakin up
Everybody's time I'm takin up (Noo)
I got nobody, their aint a shoulder near
I cant stay here when its colder there
I dont wanna look back 'cause its gonna hurt
I slice my wrist and It's gonna squirt
For me, everybody holds the hate
I get backstabbed an everybody holds the stake
Theres no roads to take, I'm in a circle drive
Bustin at myself an Im tryin to survive
I'll dissapoint you, and I will let you down
I aint got many homeboys comin around
You dont understand, so dont say you do
I swear I'll put a motherfuckin' slug in you
Im the only one, the lonely one
At home alone loadin the gun, thinkin why not?
"Why not? Why would you wanna die? Ok, Ok, you have feelings, inside your head, ok? I understand that. feelings of depression, When you have depression, you have a lonely place inside your heart, ok, and your heart means everything to the world, ok?"
I got court comin up, I stoled a truck
I got a bitch pregnant and im broke as fuck
I wanna get high but I got piss test
Im always 1st name on top of shit list
Get this, the witch has made my chest
it's permanent nightly visiting nest
Their aint no clothes that I look good in
I'm the motherfuckin big red train that couldn't
I got no family, I stoled they shit
restraining orders, an I still wont quit
I hot rock bottem, and then I fell in a hole
and then I fell through the floor, in that hole some more
I've been missin for a year, nobodys lookin (I am)
I got beat down an my shit tooken (Ooh)
I look ahead an all I see is more of the same
All this self-inflicted bullet hole, pourin my brain
"oook, I understand that you're in pain, ok? I understand everything you're going through, I've been there myself, ok, now, your pain is my pain, alright? And I feel your pain, And I wanna be your friend, just me and you
Friends."
I dream about cuttin' heads off wit a shovel
The dreams are gettin serious, I think I'm in trouble
I dont hold memories for more then an hour
i'm tired as fuck, and i'm drained of power
I aint halfway there an im all out of time
I'm like a crushed lightbulb, all outta shine
I been all around the world an no place is home
I wanna see the other side when I face this chrome
I'm butt naked, i been jackin off, gettin' drunk
It's my last hours alive, who gives a fuck? (me)
It dont matter, I'm doin this shit in the garage
Tryin' make it easier for them ta clean my head splage
This bitch I loved, I hope she finds me
Still up in the chair wit my thoughts behind me (Wait, no)
I'm about to do IT!