(no subject)
Yesterday was a dissapointment. But thats what I get for fucking expectations.
Binged outragously. Well, here's the pattern...I don't eat/ something bad happens for mom/ minture I do eat/ something good happens and things are fine. 'effing karma.
Well, until wenesday juice fasting. I don't care anymore. I want control, I wanto to feel my ribs without having to feel any fat. I want to be bones. I'm so determined, i've even impresed myself. I'm having withdrawl symtopms from sugar, hyper activeity, shaking, cravings but I'm doing well. I'm armed with 2 different diet pills and ready to be thin and strong again. I will reach 80 pounds soon. Mark my words I will. I will be a size 12. I want to not have breasts, or hips, or thighs. I want to a a l__i___n____e_____. A stariht line. I keep forgetting I'm going to progress and pay-off not quick fix results that last a day or two. All that matters is that I get there, and I will. Soon.
Tomorrow nothig, lets just hope pamela doesn't say anything. God I do love her though and can't wait to see her. I only hope she doens't go " Wow, you've gotten fat," or thinks I look like a manatee.
I don't want this anymore, healthly eating is not something I can accpomlish, and not something I'm interested anymore.
Binged outragously. Well, here's the pattern...I don't eat/ something bad happens for mom/ minture I do eat/ something good happens and things are fine. 'effing karma.
Well, until wenesday juice fasting. I don't care anymore. I want control, I wanto to feel my ribs without having to feel any fat. I want to be bones. I'm so determined, i've even impresed myself. I'm having withdrawl symtopms from sugar, hyper activeity, shaking, cravings but I'm doing well. I'm armed with 2 different diet pills and ready to be thin and strong again. I will reach 80 pounds soon. Mark my words I will. I will be a size 12. I want to not have breasts, or hips, or thighs. I want to a a l__i___n____e_____. A stariht line. I keep forgetting I'm going to progress and pay-off not quick fix results that last a day or two. All that matters is that I get there, and I will. Soon.
Tomorrow nothig, lets just hope pamela doesn't say anything. God I do love her though and can't wait to see her. I only hope she doens't go " Wow, you've gotten fat," or thinks I look like a manatee.
I don't want this anymore, healthly eating is not something I can accpomlish, and not something I'm interested anymore.