how could i forget?
Yesterday was so odd, and wonderful.
Karl and I entered "the depths of Hell" (a.k.a. the mall) together and probably only survived because of the tight holds we kept on each other. It took us around THIRTY minutes to travel from Oxmoor Mall to Mall St. Matthews.
Vehicle emissions for those traffic-ridden mall trips must be especially heinous.
I've never seen so much money being exchanged for so much STUFF or so many people bustling as if they were caterpillars climbing a pillar and pretending there was no other life or goal but their own so that they might go on stepping over/on others without feeling guilty or obligated to even smile. There was NO spirit (much less that seemingly sacred "Christmas Spirit") in those places.
"Do you know why I'm holding your hand so tight?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm scared."
Parents dragged children, crying...even screaming, through the mobs of people without stopping to consider that THIS will be their child's earliest memories of Christmastime and the Christmas Spirit...loud bustle and people (with no unique or compassionate qualities about them just throngs of the same person cloned) and STUFF and the mall and tears and a longing to be warm/cozy/quiet/loved/playing at HOME that is ignored by their protectors.
That part of yesterday scared me because I lost any Christmas feelings that are so important to me. The weather is like nothing winter is supposed to be (which also scares me on a whole other level), and the malls are nothing like Christmas is supposed to be. Who DOES "celebrate" Christmas for its intended reasons? Anyone? I started feeling hopeless, but then I remembered whose hand I was holding, and who I had braved those depths with. Looking down at my right hand, which held Karl's left, and looking down at my left hand, which held a material kind of gift, I realized...what my right hand held (love) is so much more "what Christmas is all about" than what my left hand held, and as long as we either have a balance of BOTH or ONLY the love part, we'll have some Christmas Spirit and some hope. I wonder if all the people we saw in stores that day thought of that.
What made the day odd though was that, after a long and tiring day of this "shopping", Karl, Katie, and I met my dad's side of my family at my aunt's house for a pre-Christmas gathering and I felt the most beautiful part of the true Christmas Spirit. When my family gets together it's always the same. No matter how infrequently we all get together, there's always a comfort in cramming into one home whenever we can. Even posing for those tedious, paparazzi-like photos is comforting. "This is it...that feeling of dim, candle-lit rooms and loud voices and laughter and music and sparkles in everyone's eyes...all that goodness." I could go on, of course.
This is my favorite time of year. I don't want to be scared.
I've made a couple of huge decisions in my heart too, silently. This is a big year.
---
In other news, swinging with Katie is still one of my favorite activities ever.
---
IN OTHER NEWS, MEWITHOUTYOU IS FINALLY TOURING NEARBY IN MARCH. I.CAN'T.BREATHE.
I should go tell Louis.
And take a shower.
<3
Karl and I entered "the depths of Hell" (a.k.a. the mall) together and probably only survived because of the tight holds we kept on each other. It took us around THIRTY minutes to travel from Oxmoor Mall to Mall St. Matthews.
Vehicle emissions for those traffic-ridden mall trips must be especially heinous.
I've never seen so much money being exchanged for so much STUFF or so many people bustling as if they were caterpillars climbing a pillar and pretending there was no other life or goal but their own so that they might go on stepping over/on others without feeling guilty or obligated to even smile. There was NO spirit (much less that seemingly sacred "Christmas Spirit") in those places.
"Do you know why I'm holding your hand so tight?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm scared."
Parents dragged children, crying...even screaming, through the mobs of people without stopping to consider that THIS will be their child's earliest memories of Christmastime and the Christmas Spirit...loud bustle and people (with no unique or compassionate qualities about them just throngs of the same person cloned) and STUFF and the mall and tears and a longing to be warm/cozy/quiet/loved/playing at HOME that is ignored by their protectors.
That part of yesterday scared me because I lost any Christmas feelings that are so important to me. The weather is like nothing winter is supposed to be (which also scares me on a whole other level), and the malls are nothing like Christmas is supposed to be. Who DOES "celebrate" Christmas for its intended reasons? Anyone? I started feeling hopeless, but then I remembered whose hand I was holding, and who I had braved those depths with. Looking down at my right hand, which held Karl's left, and looking down at my left hand, which held a material kind of gift, I realized...what my right hand held (love) is so much more "what Christmas is all about" than what my left hand held, and as long as we either have a balance of BOTH or ONLY the love part, we'll have some Christmas Spirit and some hope. I wonder if all the people we saw in stores that day thought of that.
What made the day odd though was that, after a long and tiring day of this "shopping", Karl, Katie, and I met my dad's side of my family at my aunt's house for a pre-Christmas gathering and I felt the most beautiful part of the true Christmas Spirit. When my family gets together it's always the same. No matter how infrequently we all get together, there's always a comfort in cramming into one home whenever we can. Even posing for those tedious, paparazzi-like photos is comforting. "This is it...that feeling of dim, candle-lit rooms and loud voices and laughter and music and sparkles in everyone's eyes...all that goodness." I could go on, of course.
This is my favorite time of year. I don't want to be scared.
I've made a couple of huge decisions in my heart too, silently. This is a big year.
---
In other news, swinging with Katie is still one of my favorite activities ever.
---
IN OTHER NEWS, MEWITHOUTYOU IS FINALLY TOURING NEARBY IN MARCH. I.CAN'T.BREATHE.
I should go tell Louis.
And take a shower.
<3