Voices from The Other Side
There is a Native American proverb that equate the different sides of a person to wolves and says that the winner of the struggle is the one that gets fed the most. Which of the opposing forces do we feed? The 1930’s through the 50’s were about feeding the wolf of conformity. In the 60’s the balance began to shift, and by the advent of the 80’s wolf of the individual was getting the prime cuts. We have had 35 years of feeding the lone wolf. What do have to show for this?
It has been “fashionable” to have a mental disorder from some time now. Every few years the “disorder de jure” has shifted, but there has been one trendy mental defect, or another since the 1970’s. The foci of these trends have been torn from their place in the place in the psychiatrists manual, and held up as something that is OK for the public at large to identify with. The disorders that have been trendy have run the gamut from Depression, and Bipolar Disorder, to Aspeger’s Syndrome, and the various Anxiety Disorders. Self-diagnosis is the fuel that causes the fire of these trends.
These trendy disorders have their seriousness taken from them by well meaning, but ultimately, misguided people. When it becomes acceptable for a person who likes neatness to claim aggrieved status due to his, or her, Obsessional/Compulsive Disorder, the people whose lives are truly destroyed by their irrational need to do that action, or think that thought, are minimized and demeaned. Getting outraged because your barrista didn’t get your latte “just right” does not equate to the compulsive need to turn the door knob three times clockwise, then wipe off the door knob, then turn it just once counterclockwise with your left hand, and it destroys your ability to do anything else for the rest of the day if something prevents you from completion of your door knob ritual.
A person needs to feel like they stand out from the crowd. This is the core of the issue at hand. This is the driving force behind the ever-changing changing clothing styles, hairstyles, music stylings, etc. The opposing force is our need to be accepted by our peers. This is the ingrained survival trait that has allowed humanity to progress and conquer the planet. Without the drive of the group, humans would have died out. They would’ve been predator long before The Beatles came along. And that would have been horrible. These two forces clash. We as humans need to be able triumph over this struggle.
When a person comes to me and tells me that they have (insert trendy disorder here), my first response is to raise an eyebrow and ask if they are seeking to overcome their disorder, or if they are seeking sympathy. In essence, asking which wolf are they feeding. A wolf pack functions when all of its members work in coordination. If one wolf gets all the food, the other wolves becomes angry. Society, and wolf packs survive when every member gets their needs met, and are made to feel appreciated. A trendy mental diagnosis, especially a self applied one, is way of crying out for more attention without asking if your action merit such a focus.
For too long we have, in American society, been feeding the wrong wolf to the detriment of the other wolves. We seem to have lost sight of the whole pack, the bigger picture. The wolf of the standout individual has led to this trend of mental disorders. Your disorder, if it’s an actual disorder, is not mine to own. I do not have to make accommodations for your self-imposed label. Your ego, or lack there of, is not my ego, or lack there of. If you want me to understand you, and accept you into my pack, maybe it time to start with an attempt to understand, and accept a different viewpoint than your own. Let’s feed both wolves, and strike a balance. A pack, and a society, succeeds by having more than one community minded wolf in it. In the wild, wolves do not kill other wolves, if it can be avoided.
It has been “fashionable” to have a mental disorder from some time now. Every few years the “disorder de jure” has shifted, but there has been one trendy mental defect, or another since the 1970’s. The foci of these trends have been torn from their place in the place in the psychiatrists manual, and held up as something that is OK for the public at large to identify with. The disorders that have been trendy have run the gamut from Depression, and Bipolar Disorder, to Aspeger’s Syndrome, and the various Anxiety Disorders. Self-diagnosis is the fuel that causes the fire of these trends.
These trendy disorders have their seriousness taken from them by well meaning, but ultimately, misguided people. When it becomes acceptable for a person who likes neatness to claim aggrieved status due to his, or her, Obsessional/Compulsive Disorder, the people whose lives are truly destroyed by their irrational need to do that action, or think that thought, are minimized and demeaned. Getting outraged because your barrista didn’t get your latte “just right” does not equate to the compulsive need to turn the door knob three times clockwise, then wipe off the door knob, then turn it just once counterclockwise with your left hand, and it destroys your ability to do anything else for the rest of the day if something prevents you from completion of your door knob ritual.
A person needs to feel like they stand out from the crowd. This is the core of the issue at hand. This is the driving force behind the ever-changing changing clothing styles, hairstyles, music stylings, etc. The opposing force is our need to be accepted by our peers. This is the ingrained survival trait that has allowed humanity to progress and conquer the planet. Without the drive of the group, humans would have died out. They would’ve been predator long before The Beatles came along. And that would have been horrible. These two forces clash. We as humans need to be able triumph over this struggle.
When a person comes to me and tells me that they have (insert trendy disorder here), my first response is to raise an eyebrow and ask if they are seeking to overcome their disorder, or if they are seeking sympathy. In essence, asking which wolf are they feeding. A wolf pack functions when all of its members work in coordination. If one wolf gets all the food, the other wolves becomes angry. Society, and wolf packs survive when every member gets their needs met, and are made to feel appreciated. A trendy mental diagnosis, especially a self applied one, is way of crying out for more attention without asking if your action merit such a focus.
For too long we have, in American society, been feeding the wrong wolf to the detriment of the other wolves. We seem to have lost sight of the whole pack, the bigger picture. The wolf of the standout individual has led to this trend of mental disorders. Your disorder, if it’s an actual disorder, is not mine to own. I do not have to make accommodations for your self-imposed label. Your ego, or lack there of, is not my ego, or lack there of. If you want me to understand you, and accept you into my pack, maybe it time to start with an attempt to understand, and accept a different viewpoint than your own. Let’s feed both wolves, and strike a balance. A pack, and a society, succeeds by having more than one community minded wolf in it. In the wild, wolves do not kill other wolves, if it can be avoided.