Seasonal Thinking
There are a great many people that get sad in the wintertime. I'm not usually one of them.
For the last few years, I've been getting depressed during the summer.
Here's why,
For many years, the season didn't matter. I lived in the city and distraction wasn't that hard to come by. I had friends I could talk to and hang out with without much difficulty. Close ties kept us together and we gamed. We lived near enough to each other that travel was a non-issue.
In the fall of 2005, I started going to college. This is when things changed. I started to meet more people. People who didn't live close. People I began to care about, a lot. My world of friends exploded before I knew what was going on.
I don't drive. I don't have a car. I don't have a job. I had no way of keeping close with these new friends when the semesters ended. Winter breaks were okay. They were short enough not to hinder things too badly, but summer breaks were the death of it all. Everyone else had plans, cons to go to, cars, cellphones, etc.
On top of this, my old friends started drifting away. Duane moved to chili, then went to Alfred, and is now in Utah. Raven changed friendship circles and we've drifted apart. My other friends just stopped talking to me.
Summer is the time for people to go on trips. Anime conventions, gaming conventions, family shindigs, camping, etc. I do not have the means to do any of these things and am often not invited anyway.
I have never felt more alone in my life than in these recent summers, never.
Romance has been difficult to maintain as well in the summer. Some of the worst moments in my life have happened between myself and those I love in past summers.
Summer '06 = had a horrible two month long break up with my first serious girlfriend
Summer '07 = went through a temporary break up with Joy that left us each broken inside for about a month
Summer '08 = lost one friend, almost lost two others, and had several friends just stop talking to me
Summer '09 = really rough times between Joy and I deciding what our relationship was going to be
Summer '10 = started seeing a relationship therapist and moved to Brockport
Summer '11 = Joy and I are redefining our relationship and probably moving back to rochester to live in separate apartments
I would love for my friends to stick around during the warm months. I would love to have the chance to be surrounded by those I care about when the weather is nice.
The loneliness I feel threatens to do me in every summer.
I used to distract myself by going on long walks and shoplifting. I can't do that any more. Shoplifting isn't right.
I used to ride my bike a lot, but I can't do that any more. No bike.
I'm kind of like a Beatles song; "I get by with a little help from my friends"
Unfortunately, summer is when they're not there.
Can you help?
For the last few years, I've been getting depressed during the summer.
Here's why,
For many years, the season didn't matter. I lived in the city and distraction wasn't that hard to come by. I had friends I could talk to and hang out with without much difficulty. Close ties kept us together and we gamed. We lived near enough to each other that travel was a non-issue.
In the fall of 2005, I started going to college. This is when things changed. I started to meet more people. People who didn't live close. People I began to care about, a lot. My world of friends exploded before I knew what was going on.
I don't drive. I don't have a car. I don't have a job. I had no way of keeping close with these new friends when the semesters ended. Winter breaks were okay. They were short enough not to hinder things too badly, but summer breaks were the death of it all. Everyone else had plans, cons to go to, cars, cellphones, etc.
On top of this, my old friends started drifting away. Duane moved to chili, then went to Alfred, and is now in Utah. Raven changed friendship circles and we've drifted apart. My other friends just stopped talking to me.
Summer is the time for people to go on trips. Anime conventions, gaming conventions, family shindigs, camping, etc. I do not have the means to do any of these things and am often not invited anyway.
I have never felt more alone in my life than in these recent summers, never.
Romance has been difficult to maintain as well in the summer. Some of the worst moments in my life have happened between myself and those I love in past summers.
Summer '06 = had a horrible two month long break up with my first serious girlfriend
Summer '07 = went through a temporary break up with Joy that left us each broken inside for about a month
Summer '08 = lost one friend, almost lost two others, and had several friends just stop talking to me
Summer '09 = really rough times between Joy and I deciding what our relationship was going to be
Summer '10 = started seeing a relationship therapist and moved to Brockport
Summer '11 = Joy and I are redefining our relationship and probably moving back to rochester to live in separate apartments
I would love for my friends to stick around during the warm months. I would love to have the chance to be surrounded by those I care about when the weather is nice.
The loneliness I feel threatens to do me in every summer.
I used to distract myself by going on long walks and shoplifting. I can't do that any more. Shoplifting isn't right.
I used to ride my bike a lot, but I can't do that any more. No bike.
I'm kind of like a Beatles song; "I get by with a little help from my friends"
Unfortunately, summer is when they're not there.
Can you help?