It's been a bad day please don't take a picture
To my livejournal friends, it would appear that all I do is complain about men. Alas, this is not true. This is just the place I come to do my venting. Here is what's new with that ever so mysterious species.
There are several guys I would like to be with right now. I saw Christian last night for the first time since we dated during the summer. He cut his hair and he looks amazing. And of course, he has a girlfriend. We got high, I said some things I shouldn't have and now I'm worried for the sake of at least having a friendship. The moment I saw him, the moment I walked outside to greet him like I always did. I missed him. Those few minutes where we stood outside while he finished his cigarette and awkwardly caught up on what wasn't important enough to be carried into the house. I missed it all. He referred to his girlfriend on more than one occasion as his "friend" until I was awkward(or stoned) enough to say "You mean your GIRLFRIEND?!", and he would nod quietly. I never felt good enough for Christian. I could never compete with his insecurities. His mind had more of a say in our relationship than I did and there was nothing I could do to change it. God help me, I tried. He knew this girl before he and I met. I always knew he had something for her and when I found out he had a girlfriend, I knew it was her. She had something I didn't. She made him feel some way that I couldn't. With everything in me, I hope he is happy. But also, I wish it with me that he felt happy.
Mat...shot in the head mat.
We hung out again for the first time in months the other day and kissed a bit. He spent the night but nothing happened. We went to the dog park the next day, we were alone. His dogs were the only ones there. The situation seemed to almost call for awkward pauses and ice breakers that always seemed to start with"I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but can I have another cigarette?". We promised each other to hangout the next day, but it never happened. I ended up driving to Porterville at 2 am with Kayla to see the following guy....
Landon. I hadn't seen Landon in about 3 or 4 years. We did what we've done before, and it was nice but he was drunk and I was high. Kayla slept silently on the bed and infomercials buzzed on the tv screen. The motel was dark and the carpet was rough on my skin. If he didn't live three hours away, I know we'd work out...
I met Blake at my cousins. He was at the party her neighbor was having. He came over and instead talked to me for a few hours. The next time I went to my cousins, I saw him again. We talk a lot, but have yet to hangout outside of that surrounding. We've kissed a bit and he is so wonderfully sweet, but maybe too young..
I won't even bother getting into how I feel about James. It just gets repetitive and embarrassing after so long. Especially when the feeling isn't mutual in the slightest.
I'm seeing Collin tonight, maybe. I used to date him a few years ago. I hear he's just a stoner now but we'll see.
scratch that. I just canceled. I'm too emotional. Fuck. In closing, this is my dream guy.
Drake Bell
There are several guys I would like to be with right now. I saw Christian last night for the first time since we dated during the summer. He cut his hair and he looks amazing. And of course, he has a girlfriend. We got high, I said some things I shouldn't have and now I'm worried for the sake of at least having a friendship. The moment I saw him, the moment I walked outside to greet him like I always did. I missed him. Those few minutes where we stood outside while he finished his cigarette and awkwardly caught up on what wasn't important enough to be carried into the house. I missed it all. He referred to his girlfriend on more than one occasion as his "friend" until I was awkward(or stoned) enough to say "You mean your GIRLFRIEND?!", and he would nod quietly. I never felt good enough for Christian. I could never compete with his insecurities. His mind had more of a say in our relationship than I did and there was nothing I could do to change it. God help me, I tried. He knew this girl before he and I met. I always knew he had something for her and when I found out he had a girlfriend, I knew it was her. She had something I didn't. She made him feel some way that I couldn't. With everything in me, I hope he is happy. But also, I wish it with me that he felt happy.
Mat...shot in the head mat.
We hung out again for the first time in months the other day and kissed a bit. He spent the night but nothing happened. We went to the dog park the next day, we were alone. His dogs were the only ones there. The situation seemed to almost call for awkward pauses and ice breakers that always seemed to start with"I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but can I have another cigarette?". We promised each other to hangout the next day, but it never happened. I ended up driving to Porterville at 2 am with Kayla to see the following guy....
Landon. I hadn't seen Landon in about 3 or 4 years. We did what we've done before, and it was nice but he was drunk and I was high. Kayla slept silently on the bed and infomercials buzzed on the tv screen. The motel was dark and the carpet was rough on my skin. If he didn't live three hours away, I know we'd work out...
I met Blake at my cousins. He was at the party her neighbor was having. He came over and instead talked to me for a few hours. The next time I went to my cousins, I saw him again. We talk a lot, but have yet to hangout outside of that surrounding. We've kissed a bit and he is so wonderfully sweet, but maybe too young..
I won't even bother getting into how I feel about James. It just gets repetitive and embarrassing after so long. Especially when the feeling isn't mutual in the slightest.
I'm seeing Collin tonight, maybe. I used to date him a few years ago. I hear he's just a stoner now but we'll see.
scratch that. I just canceled. I'm too emotional. Fuck. In closing, this is my dream guy.
Drake Bell