VON HABSBURG ISSUES NEW RULES FOR CIVILIZED WARFARE
FAUX NEWS YOU CAN USE
(Sep 23, 2009, Österreich, Faux News) - A group of Western
playwrights including some intellectuals put forward guidelines
that can forever change the way modern warfare is conducted
on Europe's eastern front.
In an open letter for global and national TV networks and for
newspapers too, the group proposed that a country must be
qualified as war aggressor based on the country’s hidden
genocidal intentions to destroy other countries, no matter
how deep these monstrous plans are masked behind
misleading peaceful rhetoric from the aggressor.
We should no more be concerned about misleading facts
such as who starts firing first, the group proposed.
The US-led international military community was reportedly
studying the proposals Wednesday. A highly-placed officer in
the allied central command called the proposals “interesting
and potentially productive”.
“Everyone liked the good-will and transparent manner in which
the new guidelines were proposed”, he said in an interview
with Faux News. “It helps us to strengthen ourselves around
human values we need to endorse everywhere in the world”,
he said.
The guidelines’ most prominent author, Otto von Habsburg,
was not available for comments in Österreich on Wednesday,
Faux News Österreich correspondent reports.
Von Habsburg is descendant to Great Kaisers of the various
European empires including Österreich, with a lineage dating
back to the charismatic tribal leaders of Teutonic raids of
pre-Christian and Christian era.
Otto’s charisma rivaled and continues to rival that of Adolf
Hitler, who developed a barely hidden envy of von Habsburg.
The von Habsburg group suggested that the new guidelines
be better used on Russia, following its last-year conflict with
the republic of Georgia.
The conflict broke out when Georgian president Michael
Sakaschivli ordered artillery attack on Tskinval, the capital
of South Ossetia, region with a mixed Ossetin-Russian
population seeking independence from Georgia.
Sakaschvili’s army was subsequently driven out of South
Ossetia back into Georgia by Russian troops. Russians were
widely awaited to kill burn loot and rape the entire Georgia,
but did not live up to the expectations, sending a wave of
anguish and disappointment across the entire free world.
Russians were assisted by Chechens, who were previously
known as romantic freedom-fighters but changed over to
Russians, worsening the international outcry of anger over
Russia.