(no subject)
they say that when you go through something really big and lifechanging, you find out who your real, true friends are....
i guess i haven't gone through anything really big or lifechanging yet.
because, apparently, not knowing who your real friends are isn't overrated.
point?...
I no longer know who my real friends are.
Because of my insecurities, i think everyone lies to me. And i think that everyone simply tolerates me... because they want to seem like a nice person. Like when you see a geek or something drop his books... you'll help him pick them up because you feel sorry for him. That's how i feel: That everyone is just acting like my friend to make me feel good about myself. And when you know someone is doing that, it just makes things worse. I used to be so happy. I used to know some great people that i knew where my true friends... i loved school... i loved everything about my life. And now, i just... don't feel the same way. And i'm not complaining. Because i don't know why i feel like this. One great thing is my family. If my family and i weren't like we are, and i was going through this... i don't know how i would get along every day. And going to school with the constant reminder in the back of my head that i'm not as happy as i used to be. My favorite place to be is my room. Because it's mine... and in it, i've got my cat who i love so much, my snake who i love, and my hamster who i love... and they won't fake liking me. Not only that, my room is in my house, and in my house is the family that i love more than anything. I love and cherish my mom so much. We're so close and i thank God for that. I'm so blessed to have such a great family... because where would i be right know without them? And i love my God... who is my savior and gets me through tough times like these. If there was ever no one else at all in the world, i would take comfort in knowing that he loves me and he always will... no matter what. I don't think any of my journals have ever been this personal or deep or anything. And everyone is going to see this. And i don't care. Because if they aren't my true friends they're going to think whatever they want about me anyways. And i think i'll be ok, will the simple fact that i have a wonderful family and an awesome God watching over me.
i guess i haven't gone through anything really big or lifechanging yet.
because, apparently, not knowing who your real friends are isn't overrated.
point?...
I no longer know who my real friends are.
Because of my insecurities, i think everyone lies to me. And i think that everyone simply tolerates me... because they want to seem like a nice person. Like when you see a geek or something drop his books... you'll help him pick them up because you feel sorry for him. That's how i feel: That everyone is just acting like my friend to make me feel good about myself. And when you know someone is doing that, it just makes things worse. I used to be so happy. I used to know some great people that i knew where my true friends... i loved school... i loved everything about my life. And now, i just... don't feel the same way. And i'm not complaining. Because i don't know why i feel like this. One great thing is my family. If my family and i weren't like we are, and i was going through this... i don't know how i would get along every day. And going to school with the constant reminder in the back of my head that i'm not as happy as i used to be. My favorite place to be is my room. Because it's mine... and in it, i've got my cat who i love so much, my snake who i love, and my hamster who i love... and they won't fake liking me. Not only that, my room is in my house, and in my house is the family that i love more than anything. I love and cherish my mom so much. We're so close and i thank God for that. I'm so blessed to have such a great family... because where would i be right know without them? And i love my God... who is my savior and gets me through tough times like these. If there was ever no one else at all in the world, i would take comfort in knowing that he loves me and he always will... no matter what. I don't think any of my journals have ever been this personal or deep or anything. And everyone is going to see this. And i don't care. Because if they aren't my true friends they're going to think whatever they want about me anyways. And i think i'll be ok, will the simple fact that i have a wonderful family and an awesome God watching over me.