Tell Me Baby (who do you wanna be?) - Part Two
Saturday always comes too fast in Mikey’s opinion, and he’s sure it’s not been a week since Gerard was letting himself in with his own key, watching Mikey pull on his Star Wars sneakers again and asking him if he’s filled out his form. Mikey has, for once and Gerard pretty much grins from ear to ear as he reads over Mikey’s weekly chart. He just shrugs and walks over to his kitchen chair to grab his hoodie from the back of it.
“You seen happier this week. Your chart, I mean.” Gerard talks slowly as he reads through Mikey’s chart.
Wednesday - how did you feel? Happier, wanted.
“I guess I had a better week,” Mikey suggests and keeps his voice flat, not wanting to give away exactly how he’s feeling.
Gerard only smiles and folds the piece of paper back over and hands it to his brother before they leave the apartment and make their way to another therapy session.
It’s not even fifteen minutes since they’ve left Mikey’s apartment and he’s already sat in the ugly ass chair in the therapy room. He’s sitting with his body stiff, awkward knees pressed together and ankles pressed the other way. The damn therapist is smiling at him as she usually does and he really just doesn’t quite understand why she has to be so happy this early on a Saturday morning.
So Mikey, how was your week? Mikey mocks in his head and bites at his lip a little to refrain from smiling at his stupid sense of humour.
“So Mikey, how was your week?” his therapist Hailey asks in her usual cheery tone that makes Mikey want to die a little inside.
He sighs and opens his mouth to answer because he knows he has to play along, and if he’s different to what he has written on his chart, she will accuse his moods of faltering too much again and Mikey hates it when she suggests upping his medication. That is one thing he is not going to be doing, ever. He refuses. He’s already on enough medication as it is and he’s pretty sure he rattles when he walks sometimes.
“It was okay,” he starts before licking at his lips. “Better.” He nods and tries to fake a small smile. Hailey’s face falters though, as her lips stretch in to a wide smile, teeth and all.
She looks at Mikey intently, edging him to carry on with a few examples. He sighs again and tries to think of a few examples.
“My erm - the, the. My friend moved back to town.” Mikey stumbles over his words because he knows that Hailey is going to know exactly what friend has just moved back to town, only the one he’s been talking about for god knows how long, to her. “I spent some time with him...” he adds and Hailey nods, a smile still attached to her face.
“Is this a friend that I know of, Mikey?” she asks and Mikey’s breath hitches a little because even though he knew that was coming, he’s not sure if he is ready to speak about Ray, knowing that he’s only just seen him a few days ago and that he’s going to see him in a couple hours.
Mikey only nods.
“Am I alright to assume that this friend is one we’ve spoken about before?”
Mikey nods again.
Hailey presses her lips together before opening them to speak again, thinking and treading carefully.
“Can I suggest a few names, Mikey?”
“Sure,” he replies, because he knows there is no way he’s getting out of this now. He mentally kicks himself for showing improvement, for wanting to show improvement because it’s still early days, for all he knows Ray could leave again tomorrow and break his heart all over again.
“John?” Hailey asks and she already knows what name is going to be correct, but slowly builds up to it instead.
Mikey shakes his head, no. Not John, the moron and douchebag from college. Mikey’s not even given him a second thought for years now.
“Alright, is it Ray?” she asks and Mikey’s expression speaks volumes.
Mikey feels a soft blush creeping up from his throat and up across his face. His heart starts to beat a little faster, too.
“Yeah, it’s. It’s Ray,” he confirms and Hailey does seem a little shocked.
“So Ray is back then, Mikey?”
“Yeah. He, he’s moved back for work.” Mikey speaks and he’s sure he can feel a lump in his throat, just sitting there.
“This is a good thing, am I right, Mikey?” Hailey asks and writes something in her pointless note pad.
Mikey nods. “I think so. I’ve been happier, I even slept a little more this week,” he confesses, and he hates himself for being so open about his feelings this week, but he knows that if he shows improvement, he’s not going to be in therapy forever, like he once thought.
“That’s great progress!” Hailey exclaims and her smile is genuine, Mikey is sure. He knows that after all this time, she wants him to feel better .
He nods and feels a little smile tugging at his lips. He feels a little proud of himself? He can’t even remember the last time he’s felt something along the lines of self praise or confident he’s done something to help him move forward and if he’s honest with himself, it feels good.
The session this week only lasts around forty-five minutes and as Mikey wanders from the room and smiles across to his brother who has been waiting in the lobby, he reaches for his cell that’s tucked away in his pocket and opens a new text message.
You busy shredding or you got time for your old pal today?
It’s only a few minutes later, if that, he feels his cell vibrate against his hand as he and Gerard are walking out of the building and back to the car.
He opens the text quickly and feels a smile tug at his lips when he sees that it’s from Ray.
Hell no, never too busy for you Mikeyway. Want to come check out my new pad?
Mikey grins as he brushes his fingers over the keypad before looking up at Gerard who is walking around to the driver side of the car.
“Hey Gee, would you drop me off somewhere?”
Gerard shrugs. “Yeah, sure. Where?”
“Just finding out.”
Sure. What’s your address?
Mikey taps out and sends and not a minute later he gets a reply.
“Just a few miles away, here’s the zip.” Mikey reads Ray’s zip code out and as Gerard gets in to the car, taps it in to his GPS.
“Ray’s new place?” Gerard asks and Mikey nods, biting at his lip a little.
Gerard smiles. “Cool. It’s good to see you a little happier, Mikes.”
Mikey smiles back and honestly, he feels happy.
-
“I made us all pancakes!” Frank shouts out from the kitchen as Gerard walks in to their home before closing the door and placing his keys down on the coffee table. He unzips his hoodie and shimmies it off before throwing it over the back of the couch and walking towards the kitchen.
Gerard quickly sees Frank in his usual Saturday morning attire of sweats, a band shirt and his apron, spatula in hand as pancakes are sizzling away in the pan in front of him. Frank turns to see Gerard and scrunches his face a little.
“Where’s Mikey?”
Gerard smirks. “I’m afraid we’ve been pushed to the side today, my love.”
Frank furrows his eyebrows. “What do you mean? It’s Saturday morning.”
Gerard nods and laughs a little before holding out his arms, pulling Frank closer to him.
“He’s at Ray’s, I dropped him off after therapy.”
“He blew us off for a guy?” Frank asks, but his tone is playful.
Gerard laughs before kissing at Frank’s nose, licking afterwards at a stray blob of batter. “You should have seen his weekly chart, Frank. It said the word happy...”
Frank’s eyes widen a little before he turns from Gerard’s embrace to flip the golden pancake over in the pan. “I think Ray coming back is going to be good for him, you know.”
Gerard sighs but nods. “Yeah, me too. Unless he leaves again, and then we’re right back to square one.”
Frank turns a little and points the spatula at his husband. “There is that. Good point.”
“I don’t think he’s going to this time though, you can see the look on his face every time he’s near Mikey, he loves him.”
Frank nods as he reaches over to the stove to turn the gas off. He places the last pancake on the stack of pre made ones and turns to Gerard.
“You’re going to lock the front door...”
Gerard looks at Frank, confused. “I am?”
“Yes, you are. Then we’re going back to bed, to have Saturday morning sex because we haven’t done that in what, a couple years?” Frank tries to calculate but gives up, feeling that pushing his husband towards the front door and then to the bedroom is a much better plan.
Gerard licks his lips and grins before exiting the kitchen quickly, picking up his keys from the coffee table and locking the door, remembering to put the latch on too, just in case Mikey does decide he wants his Saturday morning breakfast and cartoon-a-thon.
By the time Gerard walks to their bedroom Frank is already lying across the bed, his sweats and shirt in a pool on the floor and he’s grinning at Gerard, slowly moving his hand down his chest and towards his stomach.
“Don’t you even dare start without me,” Gerard mumbles as he toys with the button and zipper on his pants, pushing them down quickly with his boxers too. He toes his sneakers and socks off quickly and then pulls his shirt over his head until he’s just as naked as Frank.
Frank grins up at Gerard as he slowly lets his hand drift down past his stomach now until he reaches his semi-erect dick. He takes it in his hand slowly but before he can even get a stroke in, Gerard’s already on the bed and hovering over him.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” Gerard breathes over Frank’s face and his husband grins up before leaning forward and kissing at his lips. Gerard hums against the kiss and opens his mouth more, pushing his tongue out to meet Frank’s, sliding it across his husband’s teeth a little before he pulls back.
“Mm, top or bottom?”
Frank ponders for a few seconds before answering with a toothy grin. “Bottom, please.”
Gerard laughs and slides a hand down to squeeze at Frank’s dick, nearly fully hard now. “Since you asked so nicely, baby.”
Frank moans as Gerard squeezes again and pumps his fist up and down a few times before leaning over to the window-sill, pushing back the curtain a little to grab a tube of lube. He squirts a little across his few fingers before dropping it on the sheets and pressing his finger against Frank’s ass.
Gerard hums as he watches the first finger slide in to Frank, no trouble at all. Frank’s got his knees to his chest now though, and as Gerard pulls the one finger out and brings two to his ass, Frank pushes himself down on to them and moans, long and loud.
“Fuck, love this,” Frank mumbles but Gerard’s a little too busy watching his husband push down on his fingers to register, really, and after a few more moments he hears Frank whine as he pulls his fingers out, rubbing the leftover lube across his hard dick.
Frank’s mouth is hanging open as he reaches behind himself to pull a pillow from the pile, quickly moving it under his hips so that his ass is raised a little higher. He loves the ordinary missionary position, and he doesn’t care just how vanilla it is because fuck, he loves being able to see his husband’s face when he comes inside him.
“Good thinking, Batman.” Gerard grins and Frank rolls his eyes, dragging his feet a little more towards his top half so that Gerard can get a better angle.
With a few shuffles forward Gerard holds himself at the base as he pushes in to his husband, grunting as the tight heat closes in on him. Frank’s eyes roll back a little, his hands drifting above his head to push back against the wall behind him. He doesn’t even give himself time to adjust before he pushes down against Gerard, feeling his husband bury himself deeper inside.
The room is silent as Gerard pulls back before thrusting forward again, the sound of his balls hitting at Frank’s ass filling the air. He grins as he looks down briefly, watching as he pushes himself in and out of his husband before looking over to Frank’s face, watching him as he’s pushing himself forward using his hands on the wall.
“Missed...fuck.” Frank tries to speak but Gerard cuts him off as he thrusts a little harder, quite literally knocking the breath out of him. Gerard grins and repeats his actions, watching Frank as he tries to catch his breath.
“Missed sex... morning... fuck, yes!” Frank mumbles again as he pants, looking up at Gerard who nods in agreement. They never really get to have sex in the morning anymore, and Frank misses it. To him, there is nothing better than having the morning sun shining in, the room light enough to watch Gerard as he fucks him, but dark enough for it to still feel a little romantic.
Gerard smiles down to Frank as he continues to snap his hips forward, bringing a hand down to grasp at Frank’s thigh until he’s hoisted it up to his hip, holding it in place as he presses forward again, the angle allowing him to push that little bit deeper.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah...” Frank babbles again as Gerard presses in and out again but as he starts to slow his hips down, Frank glares up at him.
“Why you slowing down?” He moans out as Gerard pulls out completely, watching his husband whine at the loss.
Gerard only shrugs and grins.
“Gerard, what the fuck. Stop teasing me and fuck me until I come,” Frank demands, voice high and whiney and Gerard can’t help but smirk a little as he moves forward again and pushes in to his husband so hard that he pushes Frank against the wall.
“Fuck, yes. Fuuuck,” Frank moans as Gerard fills his ass again, one deep long thrust and he’s already on his prostate.
“You’re so fuckin’ needy,” Gerard moans, and Frank nods quickly, agreeing to almost anything that will get Gerard to move quicker, fuck him harder until he comes all across his stomach.
Gerard does comply, after a few slow and careful thrusts that drive Frank insane, Gerard picks up the pace and fucks Frank just how he wants it until he comes, hard and all across his stomach.
“You close?” Frank grunts out just as he comes, watching Gerard continue to thrust in to him, pressing deeper.
Gerard nods quickly, throwing his head back as he feels Frank come around him, the tight muscle clenching around his dick and as he pulls out and pushes in one last time, he comes deep inside of his husband, head back and groaning as he does.
He thrusts a few more times, sloppy as he rides out his orgasm before he pulls out of Frank and falls to his side, nudging Frank with his hip until he moves over a little, allowing him more room to spread out.
“Mikey needs to...” Frank starts and takes a deep breath in and out before continuing. “Really needs to see Ray more often, on a Saturday.”
Gerard laughs airily and nods his head, extending a hand to stroke across Frank’s stomach, come starting to dry on his skin.
“Want to shower in a bit?” Gerard suggests and Frank turns a little so that he’s facing Gerard, side by side.
“Mm, sounds good. Cuddle first, though,” he demands as he kisses at Gerard’s sweaty chest.
-
It’s nearly midday when Mikey arrives at Ray’s new apartment. He thanks his brother for the ride and sprints up the stairs and up the corridor to the door marked as 10a. He stops for a moment and flattens his hoodie down his torso a little, smoothing the material out. He runs a hand through his hair quickly too before knocking on the door.
He only has to wait a few moments before Ray is opening the door, huge grin on his face. It’s infectious, because as soon as Mikey sees him, he can’t stop smiling either.
“Hey! You found it alright then?” Ray asks and Mikey nods, stepping in to the apartment as Ray steps aside to let him pass.
Ray closes the door and turns around to look at Mikey.
“Yeah, Gerard dropped me off.”
“He should have come up to say hi!”
Mikey shrugs. “He said something about going to see Frank, I don’t even want to know.” He protests and scrunches up his face a little, to which Ray laughs.
“So, what you want to do today?” Ray asks as he looks around his apartment, which is covered in boxes. Mikey can see a couch at the edge of the room and a small TV set there too, but not much else.
“By the looks of things, you need help unpacking, dude.”
Ray looks around the room and sighs. “Yeah, I’ve been back nearly two weeks and I just can’t seem to get moving.”
Mikey laughs and extends an arm to push at Ray’s shoulder. “I’ll get your lazy ass moving. What room you want to unpack first?”
Ray rolls his eyes but motions towards his bathroom. “Want to help me unpack my hair products?” he grins and Mikey nods.
“Anything for the fro!” he smiles and his front teeth brush against his lips.
It doesn’t take all that long to unpack the bathroom. Well, the majority of their time is spent unpacking Ray’s millions of hair products, but when his hair looks so gorgeous, who is Mikey to complain?
“You have a lot of hair products...” Mikey comments as he opens another box of yet more bottles of different kinds of shampoo and about a hundred different types of conditioner.
Ray laughs and looks over to the box Mikey is unpacking and nods, holding his hands in the air in protest.
“Hey, it’s either wash my fro daily in ten different kinds of product, or leave it greasy and flat. Which would you prefer?”
Mikey’s stomach drops a little, his heart beating a little faster because really, he wants Ray’s hair between his fingers, pulling hard during the sex he wants even more so. He licks his lips and smiles though, trying to push the thoughts from his mind and continue with the unpacking.
Once all of the boxes are empty and the bathroom looks like somebody could actually take a shower or something in it, they collapse all the cardboard and pile it in to the living room.
“What room you want to unpack next?” Mikey asks and Ray ponders for a moment before pointing towards the hall way.
“Bedroom?”
Mikey nods before he can even think about whether unpacking Ray’s bedroom will be detrimental to his mental health, but follows his best friend towards the room.
“You want to unpack these boxes together? They’re bigger...” Ray asks as he motions towards the bigger card boxes that are scattered across the large cream-coloured bedroom.
In the middle of the room amongst the sea of boxes is a double bed with messy sheets sprawled across which Ray obviously has been too lazy to make. Mikey rolls his eyes because even though he doesn’t use his bed much, he always has clean sheets and a made bed.
“Sure, that’s cool. You own a lot of crap, you know...” Mikey motions with his hands around the room and Ray smiles sheepishly.
“I hoard, it’s not my fault!” he claims, throwing his hands in the air. “Besides, how many comics do you own?”
Mikey laughs and nods. “Touché.”
Ray laughs a little as well and points a finger at Mikey before pulling a pen knife from his pocket and slicing the tape from the top of the first large box. It’s full of bed linen and the next ten minutes or so are spent at arm length, folding the sheets so that they fit right in to the hamper in the corner of the room.
It’s when they open the next box that Mikey blushes as he pulls a smaller shoe box, the lid falling to the floor and revealing it full of condoms and small tubes of lube, as well as what looks like a few different kind of sex toys. Ray opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes and instead he just smiles sheepishly at Mikey and takes the box from his hands, moving it under the bed.
Mikey smirks when Ray’s not looking and carries on rooting through the box, hoping that he doesn’t come across anything as embarrassing.
It’s when they reach the bottom of the fifth large box that Ray suggests they get something for lunch. Mikey agrees because he hasn’t eaten breakfast (he has to remember to apologise to Frank for said missed breakfast) and his stomach is starting to grumble.
“I got a few things in, you still like bacon and scrambled eggs on bread?” Ray asks as they wander from the bedroom and in to the kitchen. It seems like this is the only room that Ray has even bothered to unpack, and by the looks of things, he didn’t have much to unpack in the first place.
Mikey grins though because bacon and scrambled egg sandwiches were something that Ray would cook on a Sunday morning when Mikey had stayed over again, back when they were fifteen. It had been the only thing Ray knew how to cook at time, but Mikey has loved it ever since he took his first bite a decade ago.
Mikey stands next to Ray in the kitchen as he cooks, watching him fry the bacon and beat the eggs until he collects two small plates from the cupboard, placing them down on the side for Ray to use. He smiles and dishes out their food, reaching over to the condiments cupboard for the ketchup and hands it to Mikey.
“I remember you can’t eat much without ketchup...” he smiles softly and Mikey nods, stomach dipping a little because how does Ray even remember little things like this? Making them Mikey’s favourite sandwich, little facts about his life and his preferences. He’s flattered, of course because at one point, he could have sworn Ray had forgotten all about him.
They eat on the couch in silence but Mikey catches Ray watching him, smiling over when he thinks he’s not watching. Mikey tries not to think too far in to it, tries to eat his favourite sandwich and just enjoy the fact that he is spending time with Ray again, but there is something niggling away in his stomach and head that he really can’t ignore.
“You want to unpack the living room now?” Mikey asks as he takes Ray’s plate from his hands and puts them in the kitchen next to the sink.
Ray shrugs. “I feel bad...” he mumbles and Mikey crooks his eyebrow.
“Why?”
Ray shrugs again. “Because! This is boring, I bet you have much better things to do...”
Mikey rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure, because I have friends just knocking down my door. Come on, get up!” he walks over to where Ray is sat and grabs him by the wrist, dragging him up by the arm and pulling him to his feet. “We have more unpacking to do, moron.”
Ray snorts and lets Mikey lead him around the couch and to the large stacks of boxes. He reaches for his penknife but it’s not in his pocket.
“Fuck, I left the knife in the bedroom,” Ray says and turns to retrieve it.
Mikey stands there for a few seconds just staring at the boxes before an open box catches his eye. He inches closer and lifts one of the cardboard lips to reveal a stack of photographs and books. Mikey reaches in and picks up a handful of pictures and flicks through them quickly, feeling his heart start to beat a little quicker, to stomach drop that little more with each picture he looks at.
The pictures are all of Ray in college, looking happy and care free and young.
He knows that Ray is going to walk through the door any second now, penknife in hand and ask what the hell Mikey is doing looking through his shit without him, but Mikey can’t seem to put the pictures down. He flicks through again, pictures of Ray in no shirt, drunk and arm around some guy facing back up at him, Ray’s smile all too apparent.
Mikey has no pictures from college. Granted, he was never out at clubs or parties long enough for somebody to snap a picture of him, because he would crawl back to his room and drink himself unconscious alone. Seeing Ray’s college pictures, seeing how happy he was is a kick in the gut and Mikey feels like he can’t breathe. Looking down at more pictures, he’s sure that he can feel a ball of bile rising in his throat, the feeling of jealousy sweeping over him as he flicks through some more pictures, more of Ray sprawled over a random dude, drunk.
Mikey jumps when he hears Ray’s voice echoing from the bedroom and he quickly places the pictures back in to the box and inches away again, standing in the sea of boxes and tries to pretend that nothing is wrong. It’s hard though, because as soon as he sees Ray walking through the door and back in to the living room, smile on his face, he can’t help but feel angry about that fact that Ray left him and never looked back, went to college and had an amazing time and Mikey is still fucked up from that period of time.
He says nothing though, and lets Ray slice a box open to unpack. This box is full of DVDs and books, hundreds of them to be precise. Mikey sighs but reaches in to the box and starts to pull the contents out, looking behind him to find a bookshelf and starts to fill it quietly.
“I was at therapy today.” Mikey suddenly blurts out from nowhere, stopping with a couple of DVDs in his hand and turns around to look at Ray, who is stood still expressionless. Mikey swallows hard, fuck. He shouldn’t have said anything.
Ray nods slowly though, and inches forward a little so that he’s standing right next to Mikey.
“Yeah, how’d it go?” Ray asks, calm and collected and Mikey’s eyes bug a little because Ray actually wants to talk about his therapy? He actually just asked how it was...
“I, it...” Mikey starts because he didn’t actually expect to be speaking to Ray about this today. “It was alright. Boring. The usual, really.”
Ray lifts his head to show that he’s listening because if that’s one thing he really wants to do for Mikey, is be somebody that he can talk to, somebody that just listens to Mikey.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even mentioned it.” Mikey throws his arms up a little, a few DVDs still in his hand and he turns around to put them down on the shelf before turning back to Ray, who has moved closer again.
Ray stretches out his arms and places a hand on each of Mikey’s shoulders. He holds him there, calm and strong and looks him in the eye.
“You can talk to me, you know.” He starts and Mikey tries to avoid eye contact but Ray is having none of that, and moves a hand so that he can place a finger under Mikey’s chin, moving his head so that he will look at him.
Ray swallows and continues now that Mikey is looking at him, listening. “I know... I know I messed up, Mikes. But I’m here now, and I want to be there for you.”
Mikey closes his eyes for a second, just feels the strong hold of Ray’s large hands on his body and his voice in his ears.
“Mikes, I still love you. Just because you’re sick does not mean that I don’t want to be your friend, your best friend.” Ray speaks quietly but Mikey knows that everything he’s saying is honest and true.
Mikey nods and licks at his lips. “We should unpack some more...”
Ray smiles and nods, squeezing Mikey’s shoulders a little before letting go and turning back around to empty the box and slice open another one.
It’s not long after they empty another box of books that Ray slices in to a box that is full of pictures again and Mikey’s stomach drops, really not wanting to sort through more of Ray’s amazing college memories.
It’s not college memories though, because when Ray opens the box Mikey sees his own, younger face staring back at him.
“I, maybe we should order some food? You hungry?” Ray starts to babble, but Mikey holds his hand up to silence him and pushes Ray’s hand away from the box, folding back the card lips to look further inside.
He pulls another stack of pictures from the box, just like he had done with the previous box but this time, his stomach drops for a completely different reason.
“You kept these?” Mikey whispers, running his long fingers over the old and creased pictures of himself and Ray, arms around each other and grinning.
Ray moves a hand to scratch at the back of his neck and shrugs. “You were my best friend. I never forgot about you.”
Mikey goes to open his mouth to say something more, but nothing comes out. A smile does grow on his face[,] though, as he slowly flicks through the different pictures. There’s so many pictures, of them in middle and high school and they look so happy.
It’s then that Ray makes the most bold decision he’s probably ever made and walks forward, around the large box between them and holds Mikey’s shoulders like he did before but this time, quickly leans in and before Mikey even knows what’s going on, Ray’s mouth is on his own. His lips are soft and full, just like Mikey’s always imagined them to be. He doesn’t even know what to do, his eyes are wide and his arms are awkward beside him, but before he can even try and relax Ray’s back where he started, the other side of the box and reaching in to unpack more.
Mikey smiles over at Ray and catches his eye and he smiles back, shy and reserved but it’s there, and Mikey’s stomach flips as he bites at his lip.
-
It’s a few days later and Mikey is sat on Frank and Gerard’s couch, watching his brother read through his bank statements for signs of manic spending when he finally blurts it out.
“Ray kissed me.” Mikey announces as he breaks the silence, staring down at his hands.
Gerard’s eyes bug wide and Frank pokes his head out from the kitchen where of course, he’s making lunch for them all.
“He... kissed you?” Gerard asks and Mikey nods slowly. Frank’s moving from the kitchen now and sits down next to Mikey.
“So Ray kissed you?” Frank asks and Mikey rolls his eyes.
“Yes!” he exclaims before looking down at his hands.
“Fuckin’ finally! Jeez, it’s only taken what... ten years?” Frank reminds him and Mikey half smiles because fuck, Ray finally kissed him and it had felt absolutely amazing, even though it was over in a heartbeat.
“I just, he probably... he just felt sorry for me.” Mikey sighs and quickly ducks because Frank is trying to smack him around the head for that comment.
“Don’t...” Swat “Talk like that!” Frank nearly shouts and Mikey ducks again to avoid his hand.
“I think this is a good thing, Mikes,” Gerard comments and Frank nods quickly, agreeing with his husband.
“Me too. You guys are made for each other.”
Mikey sighs. “I just, I don’t even know.” He sighs and runs a hand through his messy hair. “We haven’t even talked about the obvious. I mentioned that I’d been to therapy Saturday, but that’s all...”
“Mikes, he already knows. He’s not running away, you know,” Gerard states and Mikey’s heart misses a beat because he hates that Ray knows about his bipolar from other people and not himself. He’s just not ready to speak about it just yet.
-
Mikey doesn’t sleep much for the next few days. He’s too busy replaying the last ten years of his and Ray’s friendship in his head, including the few where Ray wasn’t around. He tries not to think about that part too much, but it’s all there, whizzing around in his head and preventing him from sleeping.
It’s Wednesday night when Ray texts Mikey again and asks if he’s free tomorrow. He’s not, of course, and with a few texts they arrange to meet in the store the next day.
Mikey thinks about sleeping, but doesn’t bother moving to his bedroom and so pulls the blanket around his body on the couch, hoping to catch a few hours before he drives to the store in the morning.
-
“Mikeyway, I missed you, man...” Ray exclaims as he walks through the door of the shop and sees Mikey sat behind the counter, flicking through what looks like yet another new comic.
Mikey’s head shoots up quickly and smiles as soon as he sees Ray, grinning back at him. He stands up and leans against the counter.
“You only saw me the other day, dude...” Mikey reminds him but Ray holds a hand up, innocently.
“You’re my best friend, I’m allowed to miss you,” Ray grins and Mikey can’t help but get just a little feel of annoyance because Mikey missed Ray all those times he was drunk and depressed on his own, but could never do anything about it. He doesn’t focus on that feeling though, he focuses on the bubbling in his stomach as he walks around the counter and Ray puts his bag and guitar down, reaching out his arms to pull Mikey in to a hug.
That’s definitely the feeling Mikey is going to concentrate on.
He was pretty sure that after the peck on the lips the other day, their next meeting was going to be awkward. But it’s not, and that means Mikey can breathe a little easier.
“Where’s Frank?” Ray asks as he looks around the empty store.
“At home, something about spending some time with my brother?”
Ray nods his head in acknowledgement and looks across to the staff room door.
“You ready to learn some more bass, Toro?” Mikey asks with a grin and Ray nods.
“Of course!”
Mikey only grins and motions his head towards the back room, leading the way.
They sit on the couch for about an hour talking about different bass lines and Mikey teaches Ray a few more simple riffs, going through the basic fundamentals of bass guitar. Ray watches intently when shown what to do, because he is determined to become a great player.
Mikey keeps an eye on the door of the shop and only has to serve one customer before sitting back down again with Ray, playing until their fingers start to hurt.
There are those awkward moments though, when Mikey’s leg is pressed against Ray’s, the warmth of their limbs together sending shocks through his body. He can’t help but notice the way Ray looks at him, so intent, so careful in case he misses something.
“What time is Frank getting back?” Ray asks as he sets his guitar down on the floor, resting against the arm of the sofa.
Mikey looks up at the clock on the middle of the wall. “In about an hour, why?”
“You want to grab some lunch? Well, late lunch, kinda... dinner?” Ray fumbles over his words and licks at his lips, trying to stay calm.
Mikey smiles and can feel a slight tint of red start to creep from his neck and up to his cheeks. Ray just asked him to dinner. “That sounds awesome, yeah.”
Ray smiles and holds out his hand, asking for a high five. Mikey grins back and smacks his hand against Rays, hoping that the next hour moves quickly because now that Ray’s here and asking him out to dinner, he wants more.
-
After much deliberation, they end up eating at the same pizzeria that’s been in Jersey since they were kids. It’s a place they used to eat in after school, and so when they get there, Mikey feels a little intimidated. Ray seems to notice though, because as they walk in to the restaurant and sit down at a booth, he grabs Mikey’s hand with his own and squeezes gently. Mikey’s eyes bug wide for a second before he relaxes and accepts the feeling of Ray’s skin against his own.
It really is like old times as they order the largest pepperoni pizza the place does along with a side of garlic bread and, of course, Ray’s favourite onion rings. Mikey slathers his pizza in garlic sauce and takes the biggest bite of his slice that he can before chewing, making an appreciative noise. Ray grins over at him and leans across the booth, holding a finger out to wipe a drop of garlic away from Mikey’s lips. His heart stops again for a second, his stomach churning and he stares across, watching Ray wipe the drop on a napkin before taking his own slice of pizza.
After they eat Ray decides that, no, Mikey is not going to hail a taxi and pay to get home, but he is going to drive him. Mikey tries to protest but it doesn’t work because secretly, neither of them really wants to say goodnight just yet.
“I just need to use the bathroom, then we’ll go?” Mikey offers and Ray nods. Mikey smiles back and slides out of the booth and walks to the bathroom. Ray quickly slides out of the booth after him to the counter and pays for their meal.
It’s when Mikey comes back from the bathroom that he spots Ray outside, their booth now empty and clean and he sighs, knowing full well that he’s pulled his old high school trick of paying for their meal. Back then though, he used to use the weekly wage he was given for walking his neighbour’s dog.
“Raymond Toro...” Mikey speaks in a firm voice as he pushes the door open and walks from the restaurant, watching as Ray whips round quickly with a guilty look on his face.
“Yeah?” Ray asks, trying not to let the shiver that has just run through his body show. He secretly loves it when Mikey full names him.
“Bad habits die hard, dude...”
Ray tries not to smile but one ends up cracking through his guilty face before he holds his hands up in defence.
Mikey only rolls his eyes and motions towards Ray’s car.
The drive to Mikey’s isn’t too long and when they pull up outside Ray shuts his engine off completely.
“You coming up?” Mikey asks, looking across to where Ray is pulling the key from the ignition.
Ray nods. “That alright? It’s not too late, is it, I mean I don’t have work until-”
“It’s fine. Want to watch old movies?”
Ray grins. “Hell yeah!” he exclaims before opening his car door and climbing out, Mikey doing the same.
-
It turns out that Mikey owns pretty much every DVD in existence so choosing just one proves harder than first though. It’s only when Ray starts to yawn after the second film he realises the time.
“You want to stay over?” Mikey asks watching Ray yawn again, head against the back of the sofa.
“You wouldn’t mind?”
Mikey rolls his eyes. “Dude, course not. You can have my room...”
Ray shakes his head. “No, I’m fine on the couch, I’ll be up early to grab a clean shirt from home before work anyway...”
Mikey sighs. “Look, I barely sleep anyway, so the couch is more than fine for me. Go and sleep in my bed now before I take offence and think my home is shitty, or something...”
Ray laughs a little and finally nods. “Alright, but if you can’t sleep, you come and share the bed with me, alright?”
Mikey bites at his lip for a second at the thought of sharing the bed with Ray and nods. “Sure... I, yeah.” He stumbles over his words before ushering Ray towards his bedroom, pointing out where everything is and making him promise that if he needs anything at all, he will let Mikey know.
Mikey wanders back out in to his living room and sits down on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen before he shakes his head, grabs the remote and switches it on. His usual late night programme about sharks is on, so he settles down and grabs the blanket from the end of the sofa, quietly listening to Ray shuffling around in his bedroom. The sounds soon stop though, and not ten minutes later Mikey hears the distant but familiar sound of Ray snoring gently.
Mikey tries to sleep an hour or so later and, somehow, it works. He closes his eyes and tries to keep his thoughts steady. It doesn’t last long, though, because a few hours later Mikey wakes in a cold sweat, bad dreams plaguing his mind as he throws the blanket from his body and sits up. He takes a few shaky breaths and rubs at his face before quickly standing up and walking to his bedroom, not even thinking twice about what he’s about to do.
He opens his bedroom door and it squeaks a little but he closes it as he walks in to the room, the bedroom completely dark apart from a little street light seeping through the black curtains.
Mikey takes a deep breath and wanders around to the vacant side of the bed before pulling back the covers with a shaking hand, lowering himself down until he rests his head against the pillow. He covers himself back up with the duvet and stays still, trying to keep his breathing even.
Ray stirs a few seconds later, feeling the slight dip of the bed. He groans a little and turns around, opening his eyes as he does so, smiling sleepily as he sees Mikey lay next to him.
“Hey.” Ray speaks, his voice thick and croaky. “You alright?”
Mikey nods. “Yeah, bad dream. I-I’m sorry I woke you...”
Ray smiles and Mikey can see it even in the dark. “Hey, I told you to come share your own bed with me didn’t I? It’s cool, man.”
Mikey laughs a little before nodding again and turning on to his side, facing Ray.
“You want to talk about it?” Ray asks before adding “Your bad dream, you need to talk about it?”
Mikey bites at his lip before shaking his head, hair rubbing against the pillow. “No, I’m good.”
Ray only blinks, not needing to reply. He just tucks his hand under his pillow and just looks at Mikey. A sudden feeling of happiness washes over him though, he feels content and happy and finally at home.
He licks his lips before he speaks. “Mikes...” he says quietly in to the darkness, but he can see Mikey’s eyes glance over to his mouth.
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry...” Ray starts to speak. If he’s honest with himself, that wasn’t going to be the first words from his mouth. He was trying to focus on how happy he feels right now, but for some reason as he stares at Mikey in the dark, who’s given up his bed to have a bad dream on his couch for Ray, he can’t not start this way. He takes a long, deep breath and continues as he presses his face against the pillow, trying not to think of the scent that is filling his nostrils. “I’m really sorry for leaving like I did. Looking back on what I did now, it was stupid. I didn’t care about anybody but myself... I was just so wrapped up in leaving Jersey, getting out and never looking back...”
Mikey takes a sharp breath in, trying to remember exactly how to breathe because he is not ready for this, he is really not ready for Ray to be speaking about this. He can’t say anything to stop him though, because it feels as if he’s frozen to the spot, eyes fixed on Ray’s mouth as he speaks.
Ray shuffles a little, moving closer to Mikey so that their legs are brushing beneath the covers. He hears Mikey’s breathing hitch, but he starts to speak again.
“I just... I want you to know that I thought about you. Maybe not as much as I should have, but you were always there in my mind, even if I didn’t realise it at the time.”
“Ray, please...” Mikey finds the words to mumble, because this is too painful to hear right now.
“No Mikes, let me...” Ray speaks quickly before moving his arm to drape across Mikey’s small body. “I want you to know...” he sighs and licks his lips again, mouth suddenly dry. “You need to know that this, this” he motions between them. “This is the happiest I have been in a long, long time.”
Mikey bites at his lips and stares through the darkness and at Ray. “I sleep better now you’re back...” he adds and Ray lets out an airy laugh, relief if anything.
“It’s not too late, right?” Ray asks, hopeful.
Mikey lets out another shaky breath and moves his hand from under the sheets to the top, where he finds Ray’s hand and gently takes a hold, lacing their fingers together. His heart is pounding, so loud he’s worried that Ray is going to be able to hear, but he tries not to think about that, tries to be as honest as he can.
“You could have come back in fifty years and even then I’d be waiting,” Mikey whispers and that’s all the confirmation Ray needs.
He moves forward and closes the gap between them, moving his head from his pillow and on to Mikey’s so that their faces are inches apart. He can feel Mikey’s breath on his face and it’s the best thing he’s ever felt. Ray’s lost count of the mistakes he’s made in his life, but right now he can fully say that this is never going to be on that list of bad choices. He presses his nose against Mikey’s, rubbing gently until he moves his lips closer. He can feel Mikey’s breath on his lips now as he presses them on to his, eyes still wide open just in case Mikey pushes him away.
Mikey doesn’t push him away though, because he moves his face just a little to the left so that their lips brush again until Ray lets his eyes slip closed. Mikey sighs as he tries to ignore his heartbeat thudding in his ears, just tries to concentrate on the feel of Ray’s lips against his and all of a sudden, Ray’s tongue because Mikey didn’t even realise that he’s opened his mouth to let him inside.
The kiss is slow and soft, their tongues brushing against one another’s as Ray lets his arm slip under the covers and back around his Mikey’s middle, stroking at the strip of skin that is peeping through his pyjama pants and shirt.
They stay like that for what seems forever, but doesn’t feel as long as Mikey’s had to wait for this to feel this elated and happy inside. It somehow feels worth the wait though, because Ray’s lips feel amazing against his own, better than he could ever imagined.
When Mikey pulls back and takes a large gulp of air Ray makes a whining noise that Mikey can safely say he’s never heard before.
“What?” Mikey breathes, panting slightly and lips tingling still. He’s suddenly worried he’s done something wrong.
Ray grins and moves his hand from under his pillow to Mikey’s face, tracing his kiss swollen lips gently. “I just wasn’t ready to stop kissing you...”
Mikey blushes a little and he’s thankful that Ray won’t be able to see his change in colour because of the dark. He shifts a little, absolutely loving the new feel of Ray’s hand against his hip and leans forward to kiss Ray again.
-
The next morning Ray leaves for work (not before running home for a clean shirt) after having breakfast with Mikey. Granted, their breakfast consisted of making out in Mikey’s bed that morning, eating a piece of toast and another make out session against Mikey’s fridge, but that’s good enough for Ray.
He’s now sat at his desk and the only thing that is running through his head is Mikey. How he tasted, how his lips felt against his own and how well his hipbones fit beneath Ray’s large hand. It’s only 11am and he knows that he’s not going to get much work done. Every time he tries to concentrate on whatever he’s meant to be doing, he thinks of the way Mikey sighed in to his lips, or how he smiled as he pulled back from their kiss, ducking his head a little.
Ray sighs and looks over at his cell that is sitting next to a large stack of paperwork that he should have started working on about an hour ago, but he can’t find a reason to care right now. He takes his cell from the desk and opens a new text.
I’m sure I have a new DVD over at mine, it needs your expert approval xxx
Ray taps out the message and presses send, biting at his lip to try and restrain himself from grinning. When Mikey texts back though, he doesn’t even try to stop the grin that is forming on his face.
I’ve been waiting for you to text me all morning. Sounds good, tonight? xxx
You’re cute, you know that? Tonight is great, you can stay over the weekend if you like? xxx
No, not cute. Manly! I can’t wait, want me to bring anything? xxx
Ray laughs a little under his breath as Mikey texts back, because if Mikey is anything, it’s really not manly.
Still cute. No, I’ve got junk food. Just yourself ;) xxx
Ray beams as he sends the last text and as Mikey texts back, they arrange for Mikey to meet him at his apartment after work. He deems it as pretty much impossible now to actually get any work done, because all he can think about how is how he’s going to have Mikey on his couch in a few hours.
Part Three