Party!
We Centauri are famous for many things - and a great many attributes, some of which are more important to the grand scheme of things than others - but one thing which has never changed throughout the greatest time of the mighty Centauri Republic to our more recent stint as a tourist attraction and then the era which I feel too personally connected to to name was, is, and shall ever be our reputation for throwing the greatest parties in the galaxy. There has never been such a thing as a dull Centauri party. Granted, some of our parties might not be survived by all the participants, but no one who has ever been guest to a Centauri party has ever complained of dullness.
With this in mind, dear friends, I present something which I have no doubt will be useful to a great many of you, yes?
LONDO MOLLARI'S GUIDE TO ORGANIZING THE PERFECT PARTY
1) Ensure that there are enough drinks for everyone and their surprise guest and hanger-on whom they couldn't get rid of before arriving at your party. Enough food as well, but most of all, drinks. Naturally, this could be a problem for those among you who do not have a state budget at their disposal. Indeed, I, too, have been known to suffer from a sad limit in funds, but did this stop me from hosting parties, as is my duty as a Centauri? It did not. If you, dear reader of these suggestions, are not favoured by the Maker with finances at this time of your life, get creative and try to find someone who will pay for your revels and thus provide said drinks and food. Practice a virtue which will be important at the event itself, to wit, eloquence, in persuading that future fountain of generosity, hm? I can assure you even security chiefs of a space station have been known to pay for a drink or two, especially if one offers to counsel them on their love life.
Games of chance can also offer opportunities for financing your future celebration of life, but in this case, I would advise the presence of a Minbari bodyguard in case there are some bad losers around who cannot see you need their money more urgently than they do.
2) Respect the musical taste of your guests. By "respect" I do not mean just an effort to educate them in the joys of Centauri song - which will of course be a highlight of the party - but to ensure their known favourites in musical divertissement are also present. Even if it is a band with the appalling taste to call themselves "Leader of the Pak". Should the music provided by these homages to your guests' tastes be not to yours, and indeed loud enough to cause a headache, I suggest timing their presentations with your own withdrawals to celebrate another kind of joy to the senses, to wit, the service of Li, goddess of passion. You and the companion of your choice are guaranteed to be invisible and unlistened to while everyone else enjoys, or not, as the case might be, the "Leader of the Pak", "Minbari Melodies" or whatever else you hired as a good host.
3) At least ten of your guests should either be witty, pretty or strong enough to throw someone out with one hand. Surely, I do not have to explain why wit and beauty will be of an advantage; but do not underestimate the need for what the humans call a bouncer. If you can find people who unite all three virtues, you should consider a proposal and make that the highlight of your party. Which brings me to my next point.
4) Always include at least one lethal enemy - who might or might not be your spouse, relation or closest professional competitor - and one beloved friend. The lethal enemy's presence serves multiple purposes: as long as he or she is present, you know they are not elsewhere, plotting against you and accidentally hitting on something clever; if you are enjoying yourself, they are bound to feel miserable by that fact, which makes for a delightful element of Schadenfreude, a human word I have found most useful; and last but not least, no party should be without a surprise. Your lethal enemy can always be counted on providing one. Whether it consists on them trying to kill you - predictable, I know, but it did happen to me once or twice, and I can assure you, the parties in question remain unforgotten - or them trying to seduce you your spouse, they can be relied upon to do something.
Your friend, of course, is there to enjoy himself - or herself, as the case might be - and, if necessary, save your life. These are not guidelines to commit suicide, you know?
Now: I do hope you will not hesitate to put these guidelines into practice. Go forth and celebrate, and make sure to send me an invitation, yes?
With this in mind, dear friends, I present something which I have no doubt will be useful to a great many of you, yes?
LONDO MOLLARI'S GUIDE TO ORGANIZING THE PERFECT PARTY
1) Ensure that there are enough drinks for everyone and their surprise guest and hanger-on whom they couldn't get rid of before arriving at your party. Enough food as well, but most of all, drinks. Naturally, this could be a problem for those among you who do not have a state budget at their disposal. Indeed, I, too, have been known to suffer from a sad limit in funds, but did this stop me from hosting parties, as is my duty as a Centauri? It did not. If you, dear reader of these suggestions, are not favoured by the Maker with finances at this time of your life, get creative and try to find someone who will pay for your revels and thus provide said drinks and food. Practice a virtue which will be important at the event itself, to wit, eloquence, in persuading that future fountain of generosity, hm? I can assure you even security chiefs of a space station have been known to pay for a drink or two, especially if one offers to counsel them on their love life.
Games of chance can also offer opportunities for financing your future celebration of life, but in this case, I would advise the presence of a Minbari bodyguard in case there are some bad losers around who cannot see you need their money more urgently than they do.
2) Respect the musical taste of your guests. By "respect" I do not mean just an effort to educate them in the joys of Centauri song - which will of course be a highlight of the party - but to ensure their known favourites in musical divertissement are also present. Even if it is a band with the appalling taste to call themselves "Leader of the Pak". Should the music provided by these homages to your guests' tastes be not to yours, and indeed loud enough to cause a headache, I suggest timing their presentations with your own withdrawals to celebrate another kind of joy to the senses, to wit, the service of Li, goddess of passion. You and the companion of your choice are guaranteed to be invisible and unlistened to while everyone else enjoys, or not, as the case might be, the "Leader of the Pak", "Minbari Melodies" or whatever else you hired as a good host.
3) At least ten of your guests should either be witty, pretty or strong enough to throw someone out with one hand. Surely, I do not have to explain why wit and beauty will be of an advantage; but do not underestimate the need for what the humans call a bouncer. If you can find people who unite all three virtues, you should consider a proposal and make that the highlight of your party. Which brings me to my next point.
4) Always include at least one lethal enemy - who might or might not be your spouse, relation or closest professional competitor - and one beloved friend. The lethal enemy's presence serves multiple purposes: as long as he or she is present, you know they are not elsewhere, plotting against you and accidentally hitting on something clever; if you are enjoying yourself, they are bound to feel miserable by that fact, which makes for a delightful element of Schadenfreude, a human word I have found most useful; and last but not least, no party should be without a surprise. Your lethal enemy can always be counted on providing one. Whether it consists on them trying to kill you - predictable, I know, but it did happen to me once or twice, and I can assure you, the parties in question remain unforgotten - or them trying to seduce you your spouse, they can be relied upon to do something.
Your friend, of course, is there to enjoy himself - or herself, as the case might be - and, if necessary, save your life. These are not guidelines to commit suicide, you know?
Now: I do hope you will not hesitate to put these guidelines into practice. Go forth and celebrate, and make sure to send me an invitation, yes?