i'm sori, il change for the better. il try.
i hate that everytime im depressed, i update it, and when im content and happy i don't, which prolly makes it seem like im always depressed, but its lame to talk abuot shit when ur happy. kudos to every1 who puts up with me whining and the like, because i kno it can't get annoying, being on both sides of the situation, but it always helps to vent, even if its to a wall, so thanks.
i can feel the part of me that creates drama coming alive again. thats what i've learned fucked up people do. when ur happy, u screw it up bcuz that happiness and its pretentiousness scare you because on a subconsious level ur not used to it. and thats what i think i've been doing.
what do u do when u love some sooo much and its mutual, but you both kno the outcome is inevitable?you try 10x harder than ever before. i love you. and im sori. im human. im sori for snapping, and that i can't give you the things u deserve.
*sigh*
im fucking running on adrenaline.
~Lon~
EDIT:ok, so i was really mad at myself the whole time, and then when i took a shower, and then when i got out, i was still mad at myself because i kno im not a bad person, and im trying to rid myself of all these human tendencies i have that are negative. so instead of doing hw, i took some of the most awesome, and some of the most hilarious pictures of myself with bob's camera in efforts to try and cheer me up,and tehy did. il post them once i get the hotlink or whatever its called from lauren. OR, for those of you who'll be seeing the special thing thats on the down low *cough movie cough* im making, you'll just have to see on april 24...or was it the 23rd?*checks calender*muwhahha, its the 24th.
i can feel the part of me that creates drama coming alive again. thats what i've learned fucked up people do. when ur happy, u screw it up bcuz that happiness and its pretentiousness scare you because on a subconsious level ur not used to it. and thats what i think i've been doing.
what do u do when u love some sooo much and its mutual, but you both kno the outcome is inevitable?you try 10x harder than ever before. i love you. and im sori. im human. im sori for snapping, and that i can't give you the things u deserve.
*sigh*
im fucking running on adrenaline.
~Lon~
EDIT:ok, so i was really mad at myself the whole time, and then when i took a shower, and then when i got out, i was still mad at myself because i kno im not a bad person, and im trying to rid myself of all these human tendencies i have that are negative. so instead of doing hw, i took some of the most awesome, and some of the most hilarious pictures of myself with bob's camera in efforts to try and cheer me up,and tehy did. il post them once i get the hotlink or whatever its called from lauren. OR, for those of you who'll be seeing the special thing thats on the down low *cough movie cough* im making, you'll just have to see on april 24...or was it the 23rd?*checks calender*muwhahha, its the 24th.