hmmm...
He's probably with her right now while I sit here alone and type away my heart out. It's funny how life works out sometimes because I still can't believe this is happening a second time around...
I secretly find myself hoping they don't last very long, but would I be with him if he left her right now...probably not. If he was going to tell me that he would leave her for me I don't think I'd let him. Yet still, I secretly keep hoping that I'm still in the back of his mind like he's in mine everyday.
What bothers me the most is that when he dated other girls before, he would always say "they're just not you"...but this time it's different because this time he didn't say that.
I am just afraid that I let something good get away again because with my past it seems I am so great at that. I am just afraid that he really is over me this time. I am just afraid that we will never be that close again. I am just really afraid to see him treat her the way he treats me...
So, he's moved on, why can't I? I am so afraid of that even being a possibility. Have I really not had a successful relationship because they just aren't him? Or because I just don't want to deal with a relationship? I can't ever answer my own questions when I ask them...it isn't until something happens that I usually get the answer, but that something is always them driving off and me standing there on the side of the road, looking for another ride. I hope it's not him, I don't think it is, but I don't even know what's good when it's staring right back at me. Which might just foreshadow this new thing...if he's taking it where I think he is...I just know somehow I still will manage to end up alone wishing that I would have just opened up a little more and not be so cold.
I secretly find myself hoping they don't last very long, but would I be with him if he left her right now...probably not. If he was going to tell me that he would leave her for me I don't think I'd let him. Yet still, I secretly keep hoping that I'm still in the back of his mind like he's in mine everyday.
What bothers me the most is that when he dated other girls before, he would always say "they're just not you"...but this time it's different because this time he didn't say that.
I am just afraid that I let something good get away again because with my past it seems I am so great at that. I am just afraid that he really is over me this time. I am just afraid that we will never be that close again. I am just really afraid to see him treat her the way he treats me...
So, he's moved on, why can't I? I am so afraid of that even being a possibility. Have I really not had a successful relationship because they just aren't him? Or because I just don't want to deal with a relationship? I can't ever answer my own questions when I ask them...it isn't until something happens that I usually get the answer, but that something is always them driving off and me standing there on the side of the road, looking for another ride. I hope it's not him, I don't think it is, but I don't even know what's good when it's staring right back at me. Which might just foreshadow this new thing...if he's taking it where I think he is...I just know somehow I still will manage to end up alone wishing that I would have just opened up a little more and not be so cold.