A Lolokaust Guide to School Shootings!
Introduction
Lets be frank, school is shit right? You get up at stupid hours, walk through ridiculous weather, only to be beaten by the other students and mocked by overpaid fuckers claiming to be educators. Well you should say no more, free yourself from the shackles of this systematic slavery, pull out your piece and annihilate those who oppose you!
Part 1: Why Should I Do This?
We believe that there are several sound, logical reasons for doing this, but let's talk about the most common ones.
Nine out of ten times this act occurs from a social outcast in the school. Is this you? Someone who is a bit of a loner, who resides mainly in a fantasy world composed of video games and graphically violent movies? This is a good thing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You see as you play these video games and watch these brutal films featuring graphic scenes of violence, you’ve been subconsciously preparing for this attack.
Part 2: Prepare Yourself
Firepower is the key to success. The guns must be chosen wisely. Handguns run out of bullets quickly but allow versatility, shotguns do serious damage and will get your face painted at close range but like 9’s, they need reloading a lot. Using a mix of guns can work well like in the Columbine shootings. Our hero’s used a good mix of handguns, shotguns and automatic weapons. Bayonet fittings for longer guns can make your hunt very exciting.
Arming yourself can be quite a task. You see, even though some countries and states allow you to purchase weapons over the counter, you're still too young to do so anyway so you might have to find another way...
Your best bet into educational genocide would be to make your own weapons! There are many websites and books that will instruct you on how to build a weapon from something simple like a shank to an automatic pistol, but I find that explosives should be kept as the main focus. Firearms can easily be purchased from local gangs and chocolate face markets, and knives can be purchased in nearly any store; explosives are a little trickier to come across and are more effective at communicating your message.
If you’re on a budget and you have to think on a very minimalist scale, then why not simply look around your own (or a friends) house? Pretty much anything you have sitting on a shelf or hidden away in a cupboard can be used to bring pain and misery to those around you, I’ll list some now.
Why with only a lighter and an aerosol you have yourself a makeshift flamethrower and for added damage, why not fill water balloons with a flammable liquid (gasoline, lighter fluid, etc). Throw at these your enemies and then give them a quick blasting with your makeshift flame thrower, watch as they roast in agony.
Why not grab some cleaning products from around the house? You could douse that jock asshole’s face in bleach and watch him cringe as his eyes burn from the chemicals. Whilst not all of these chemicals are killers, they are irritants and can thus weaken and slow your targets. An added benefit is some of these chemicals are flammable!
Check the garden shed and garage, you can find many a weapon in these places. Some of you may be lucky to own some small portable gardening equipment like one of those little chainsaws which could come in very handy and make the job a little more fun. You could act out your favourite games like Doom or Postal but for god sake, make sure the damn thing has been topped up with fuel because your face will be red if you have some vigil students running at you with a chair leg as you’re trying to start the damn the thing up.
Part 3: Going in for the kill
Now it should be noted you never do this part unprepared, you need all of your weapons, some thick clothing and body armour if possible. An energy booster can help, it can come from a sports energy drink, some caffeine tablets or hell you might as well use amphetamines cause its really not going to matter what state your body is in by the end of this.
You want to start off by checking out your school. Get to know all the exits that your targets could run from. Exits are all bad so you want to block them off using garbage, start a fire outside them or leave some timed explosives, triggered or remotely detonated if possible.
To make your message clear you want to start your attack in the most populated area, the school hall or a class is a good place to start. Take out a few of your old peers and let some escape, when these people run out screaming it will attract many to come and check out what's up, blow there heads off... show them curiosity does in fact kill the fucking pussy. Knocking out the lights can also add to the excitement.
When killing people it is tempting to shoot them in a way to bring suffering but not instant death. Whilst this may be fun now, after the attack, these people may end up being rescued and treated, giving them the potential to cash in on your attack through the media, this is very bad. Head and heart are the most important targets on the body.
When you spot large groups, be sure to throw explosives into them but make sure these explosives detonate quickly as once the targets notice them, they will try and disperse as fast as possible. Aim for groups hiding in classrooms or in enclosed spaces.
Remember the home made flame thrower we spoke off earlier? Well now is a good time to use it, aim for students clad in thick clothing, as much as you want to make the trashy class whores burn, they wear very little and thus its harder to keep them alight. Remember, the more clothes they wear, the easier the flames will take. Enclosed spaces are good for fire as it spreads much easier, we’re not only aiming to destroy life but also property. School buildings cost thousands to repair in tax payer’s money bringing not only pain, but financial loss.
Whilst on the rampage it’s a good excuse to take those things you've always wanted, you know, like the dripping wet mouths of the girls in the shower room. Walk in and blow somebody's brains out to let them know you're for real. Line them up and tell them they each have 2 minutes to make your purple headed yogurt thrower spray its goodies or you'll terminate them one by one. Try and hold back so you get to kill as many as possible....fuck that, even if you cum, kill them all anyway.
Part 4: Wave goodbye
So....you killed everyone who has crossed your path, beheaded and slaughtered those who had mocked you. Now you find yourself alone in the school, possibly surrounded by only the dead and the dying.
Now comes the hardest part of the fun, the final shot of the day, the end of the game, now you must end your own life. If you don’t kill yourself, they will capture you and you’ll spend the rest of your life in jail, suffering at the hands of prison gangs. In some places, right wing, family loving, evangelical owned governors will feed the media with a show trial and give you the death penalty. Why let the state get all of the fun, yes, your suicide can be made fun for you.
If you’re exhausted then I suggest a bullet to the head, its not only quick but very effective. Remember to place the gun in your mouth, aim upwards towards the brain and let it go, you should be dead in a blink. If you wish leave a message behind then a written note, CDr, drawing or simply a poem will work. This message can be an explanation of your actions or even just a list of rude words, it’s entirely your decision.
If you wish to take the fun way out and create even more havoc then we suggest this; attach any remaining explosives to your body under your clothes and make sure they are all ready to detonate. Now walk out of the school with your hands in the air, the police/swat team will come running up to you but you will have the last laugh, detonate the explosives just as they get to you and you can possibly take out 5 - 6 law enforcers.
Conclusion
Your deader than princess Diana but hell at least most if not all of your enemies are dead too, as the blood runs from your head and you drift off into unconsciousness let the sweet thought of your enemy’s loved ones crying uncontrollably over the barely recognisable body of their child fill your final thoughts and let you laugh your heart out with your final breaths.
HALL OF FAME
This is where we remember our hero’s, those who have gone before us and shown us the way.
Project director and text: Fagfagjewjew
Art:
Chokecherry
Cumbutcher
Engla
Fagfagjewjew
Gertraude von Euler-Donnersperg
Jewdozer
Smilecythe
Spudmeister
Xamllew
Special thanks to the models:
Gurant