All I want for Easter is-- screw Easter, pass the goddamn Akvavit

[danskannabis]

Who: The Danish Inquisition
When: Saturday Evening, March 19th
Where: Søren and Kai's apartment
What: Easter time draws near, and some very important letters are now a month or greater late. Also, it's time to get “that purple shit” out of someone's hair, and what better time than this to issue a 1-800-brotalk about the boundaries of trust.

Comments

[axkingforit]

"I'm going to beat you with a broken lawn chair if you don't stop shrieking like a clubbed baby seal," Søren retorted sourly, being tasked with both stripping the obnoxious purple from his cousin's hair and practically writing his gækkebrev for him. "Besides, you know that's not how gækkebrev go, idiot. They have to fucking rhyme. Just...use the traditional one for Bedstemor. You know she's nearly blind anyhow."

Søren stared blankly at the bottle of peroxide in his hand and the amount of purple mocking him from Kai's head. Not even nearly enough. Probably.

"You remember how it goes, right? 'En vintergaek, en sommernar, en fugl foruden ringer'...uh...then it's... 'En lille ven, som har dig kær, en kærlig hilsen bringer'. I think. Sounds good anyway, ja? Hurry up and don't forget to put the signature poem too."

This family asked too much of him sometimes. He was ready to demand a salary.

[danskannabis]

"Like fuck if I remember how the gækkebrev goes, I usually write this shit when I'm higher than a kite on Pooh's blustery day," Kai retorted, as though the adventures of a stuffed bear and his pig companion gave any validity or strength to his argument. "I'm pretty sure last year all I did for bedstemor was scribble legit squiggly lines and draw a smiley face, and she loved it

[axkingforit]

"Our favourite time of the day. It is time for SCIENCE, little cousin!" Søren crowed, brandishing a bottle of peroxide from the veritable pile they'd gotten from the store.

...they'd need every last drop to strip the violent purple from Kai's hair to make it "family" appropriate for the Easter reunion.

"Are you ready and prepared and lubed up for quasi-asphyxiation?"

[danskannabis]

"No. But--" He made the effort for the dramatic pause to linger on as long as necessary before continuing, his face crossed with mixed emotion, somewhere on the teetering ledge of hating life and wanting to throw up. "-- I'll do it so mom doesn't shove a stick up my ass and parade me around for all of Århus to see."

And at that he bowed his head forward in shame, in resignation, in acceptance of his fate to lead a mere few weeks of relative normalcy. "To the bathroom, I guess."

[axkingforit]

"Y'could look a smidgen less ready to puke all over me, tak." Søren laughed nervously and gave his cousin a shove in the direction of the bathroom.

"I mean, ain't the end of the world or nothin'. S'just purple...shit...in your hair. Y'can always put it back in later. Or somethin'. But you are forbidden from usin' our bathroom to do it. You stained everything last time. Ass."

[danskannabis]

Confronted with the view of his new pedestal (better known to some as the pearly white throne) Kai anguished only a few seconds more before he numbly took his seat, giving his older cousin the look of a dog who was about to receive his just desserts with a bath. "But I like how it looks. It makes me unique!" He piped with the hint of a nervous grin. "Everyone in Denmark basically is blond. I'm just doing my job as a citizen by putting purple in and changing up the demographic."

[axkingforit]

"And did you ever think that maybe God didn't make purple a natural hair colour because it looks like shit?" Søren retorted wryly, giving Kai a poke in the forehead.

"Besides, you're unique enough. I just gotta look for the sinkhole in a crowd and I'll know it's you."

He became deaf to Kai's immediate complaints and instead examined the box of bleach as if it were some mildly fascinating television program.

"You know, I was wonderin' something," Søren began idly as he quite literally tore the box open, "like, whenever you see hygiene products and shit in America. The shit's always in English and then it's in French. But then I realize that there's no French people here. So then I wonder why they don't put it in Spanish, since there's like....latinos everywhere. That make sense to you?"