The Man with a Terrible Taste in Women and Watches
WHO: Pseudo Girlfriends Ivana and Eun Soo
WHEN: Saturday the 22nd, 6:00PM
WHERE: A cafe outside of PineApple Inc.
WHAT: To get her parents to cease setting up their daughter on blind dates, Eun Soo asks the assistance of Ivana to pose as her fake girlfriend to chase this boy off. Unfortunately for them, this son of a major CEO has interesting hobbies.
Name: Syun Hyun Baek
Age: 26
Occupation: Second Son of the CEO of Liberty’s Pineapple, Inc. Company
Personality: Seemingly nice, closet girl-on-girl lover. Ivana thinks he’s pretty; Eun Soo thinks he’s a twatwaffle with terrible taste in watches.
If Ivana had a camera on her upon seeing the expression on the boy’s face, she would have uploaded it to The Booking Face. If Syun Hyun Baek had a camera on him upon seeing his blind date walking hand-in-hand with a tall Russian dominatrix (with a shovel), he would have uploaded it to a porn site with a caption that read: “Hawt russian babez here1!11!1one!”
Sadly, none of them had a camera, so the three were confined to a small white table with a doily-like pattern embedded into its surface, to stomach another five caramel macchiatos (out of which five were consumed by Eun Soo). The Korean tapped at the table impatiently and stared at the man across from her. Clearing her throat, she spoke first, “So, Mr. Baek. I hate to be rude, but...” She looked down at his watch and cringed. “Why aren’t you running out in the general direction of the door?”
The strange Korean man laced his fingers together, propped his elbows on the table, and leaned forward in a rather ominous manner.
“I will pay you,” was all that he said, and in those four words the world around their doily-like table turned into a black fog as if the three of them were the only ones on that entire continent. Even with Ivana’s ears picking up the four words in her broken English, she knew the situation (why hadn’t he left yet?) and the involvement of the word ‘pay’ did not fare well for the two girls. Their breaths seized in that anticipating moment while Mister Baek sorted through his dastardly thoughts. “To make out with each other.”
Her mother had always taught Eun Soo not to stare or gape or point. And really, she had done her best throughout her life to uphold these rules of etiquette. But at that moment, it was all Eun Soo could do to keep herself from screaming before asking, “Are you high?!”
Ivana, however, unknowledgeable in the ways of the out-making or of the definition “high” other than the relative height of an object (and the man was not very tall sitting down), could only appropriately mimic her “girlfriend’s” expression for the sake of propriety.
“I don’t believe that would be...appropriate for the situation,” Eun Soo cut in, before there were any words traded between the clearly disturbed man and her pseudo-girlfriend. Ivana could not help but feel the dark fog around the table begin to close a gap between her and the other two, and promptly leaned in to whisper against Eun Soo’s ear (a horribly-timed feat to perform, as the man appeared to think, judging by the way his eyes widened, that Ivana was using her lips for something different entirely.) “What does he mean by the ‘making-out’?”
Eun Soo couldn’t help but jump a little-“Excuse us for a moment,” she said icily to the man-before turning to the Russian. “He wants us to share disgusting bodily fluids via mouth-to-mouth contact,” she deadpanned. Ivana’s head shot up from the small pocket of air between them and stared at the man as if he were sighting down at them from the trigger of a pistol. “He eez wanting’k us to-? But dat is wery... inappropriate.” Eun Soo looked at her and grimaced.
“Do not being looking at me with such a face. Dis vas... being your idea.”
Eun Soo scowled. “How was I supposed to know he was a pervert?”
“You are being’k a pervert.” Ivana addressed the man casually, as if the two girls had just come to some sort of executive decision. Her voice dropped in volume again. “But, Eun Soo, is only kiss. You are wanting’k to make him think that-” Eun Soo promptly pressed her hand against Ivana’s mouth before she could finish the rest of her sentence. She could feel her eyes practically bulging out of their sockets.
“Does your moral compass have no inhibitions regarding...kissing in public?!” She hissed. But the Korean girl could practically be speaking French to Ivana and it would register just the same - what did kissing have to do with finding out which way magnetic north was? Seeing the confused look on her face, Eun Soo clarified, “I’m not kissing you in public!” Or ever, for that matter.
The fragile little bubble that had formed between the two girls was immediately shattered by a series of unwanted, sharp waves of laughter from across the table. The Korean man was laughing into his Hello Kitty handkerchief in a manner not unlike the way a schoolgirl would laugh behind her hand. Eun Soo raised a brow; not only did the man have terrible taste in watches, he carried around that garish excuse for a handkerchief. Ivana’s eyebrows took a different approach, knitting and furrowing together in a rather insulted manner because this man found this dismal situation so amusing.
Gritting her teeth, Eun Soo glared at the laughing man. The next time she had an opportunity to speak to her parents, she was going to have a nice, long chat about why she was never going to meet another rich CEO’s son ever again. She took a sip of water, seeing red, before addressing him. “It seems that you want proof of my relationship regarding Ivana, Mr. Baek.” Eun Soo took that moment to grab Ivana’s face and cringing before leaning in to press her lips to-
-her cheek.
She looked up, self-satisfied. Meanwhile Ivana had turned a shade of pink that made the scarf about her neck seem gray in comparison. Mr. Baek looked at them, as if to say “You’re joking, right?”
“Mister... Baek,” Ivana cut out the last word as if saying it would summon a demon. “I am a performer, but I am not whoring myself out for you. Kindly be paying for Eun Soo’s coffee, and we will be on our way now.”
Standing up, Eun Soo smiled at the flabbergasted man. “I’m sure your father will love to hear about your...hobbies,” she sniffed. “So sure, in fact, that I’ll let him know personally myself.”
“Ah, da, but before we are going, I am going to give you good parting gift,” the Russian rose to her feet in a fluid motion, made a movement as if she were planning to fulfill the man’s desires right then and there against Eun Soo’s rather insulted lips, but whatever inch was between the two girls was the last thing he saw when the blunt end of a rusted shovel came in contact with the side of his face.
The “girlfriends” promptly left the cafe before blood or tears had a chance to flow.