Reconciliation once more

[oxenstierna_b]

[ooc: Hopefully it's ok I just started it since I didn't hear from you...:'3]
WHO: Berwald and Peter
WHEN: Sunday, October 31st
WHERE: At home
WHAT: Berwald is trying to apologise for locking Peter in his room.

Comments

PAPA. \o\

[longlivesealand]

Peter was running late. He didn't, of course, realize that he was running late until he finally woke up and remembered that he was supposed to be at Papa's house in ten minutes. Now, Liberty was a small place, but even then, it would be impossible for Peter to arrive on time

[oxenstierna_b]

Having to wait more than he'd expected hadn't done anything good for Berwald's state of mind. He'd gotten lost in thought, wondering if Peter had decided he didn't ever want to see him after all, or if something had happened to him on the way...until the ringing of the doorbell started Berwald out of his thoughts violently.

He stood up quickly and marched to the door, but after he'd opened he just stared at Peter, looking him over from head to toe to see if he looked allright, if there was any difference.

Better than when Berwald had seen him, when he'd been pale and scared and had dark circles under his eyes, all because Berwald had shut him in his room without proper care...even now he winced at the memory, and only then realized he'd just been standing there blocking the doorway and staring, probably with one of those expressions Tino had once described as kinda intimidating. Realizing this, Berwald took a quick step back, away from Peter, appalled at how he was already failing at...at whatever he was supposed to do. Be nice. Not

NOOO, PAPA. ;; A ;;

[longlivesealand]

"Thanks" was the only thing Peter could mutter before he was invited into the house. He took off his shoes and put them against the wall before walking into the living room

Papa is weak...

[oxenstierna_b]

By the time the new coffee was ready, Berwald had finally managed to get himself together enough to return to the living room. He set the pot on the table and sat down heavily onto the sofa, still feeling exhausted.

He looked up when Peter spoke, nodding numbly.

"...oh," Berwald said, feeling like he'd once again done something wrong. "That's...good."

Berwald rubbed a hand over his face tiredly. Raivis was a good man. To think Berwald had even kept him away from Peter. He really hadn't been thinking straight.

"Yeah, that there is," Berwald agreed somberly.

He made himself look Peter in the eye, hoping he could communicate some of his regret.

"Peter...'m sorry. Had no right t' lock ya up."

LIES. ALL LIES. ; A ;

[longlivesealand]

Peter put up a smile and nodded politely at Berwald when the coffee was ready. Even though he was tempted to have just one cup of coffee (because Papa had worked so hard to make it!), he kept his hands to himself and waited for Berwald to offer him something else to drink. When the offer didn't come, Peter shifted his body nervously. Nothing to drink to delay the inevitable conversation...

Papa looked... so sad. It was terribly breaking Peter's heart. He almost wanted to leap out of his seat and threw himself in Berwald's arms and let the Swede know that everything was okay. He was not mad and he understood why Papa did what he did.

But he was supposed to be a man now, and men talked things out instead of turning to hugs and kisses.

"It's all right," Peter said, keeping his tone as mature as possible. "I was wondering why you did it... Rather extreme, don't you think? I could have died... Maybe! But... it's all right, Berwald. I don't blame you, you know."

No.

[oxenstierna_b]

Berwald just stared at him, his eyes slightly wider than usual, frozen in surprise that neared shock. Peter...Peter was being formal. Or clearly trying his best to be, and almost succeeding, anyway.

Oh.

Things really wouldn't ever turn back the way they'd been, would they? Well, that was probably for the best. It probably hadn't been good for either of them, to be acting like...like they were father and son, and like Peter wasn't an adult who could take care of himself. Mostly. Anyway, the sooner Berwald got over that stupidity the better.

And Peter was expecting him to say something.

"M'be ya should," Berwald answered flatly, his eyes yet again fallen towards the floor. "Like ya said 't wasn't safe. 'r right, 'nyway." He looked up, and fixed Peter with a dark look.

"'m surprised ya dared t' come back."

PAAAPAAAA. ; u ;

[longlivesealand]

"Maybe I should...?"

Peter raised his prominent eyebrow at Berwald. Surely, that wasn't what Papa was saying. How could the Swede ask him to blame him when he was the one who helped him through so much?

"Papa," he said with a stern voice, trying to sound as adult as possible. "Stop doing that. Stop being... sorry for yourself and admit that you've done something wrong and realize that it's time to move on! You know...? I think.... I'm not sure if that's what I was trying to say..."

He shifted nervously on the couch, hating that they were having such a serious conversation. He longed for the days when he could sit on the sofa and watched television with Papa without feeling like something bad was going to happen.

"We're going to be all right, aren't we, Papa?"

*is ebil*

[oxenstierna_b]

Berwald actually physically flinched at Peter's words, curling slightly into himself as if he'd been hit physically. Wrong? Of course he knew what he'd done was wrong, hadn't he managed to communicate even that much, he though despairingly. He should have known it all along...hell, he had, and he'd gone ahead anyway, so how was he supposed to move on from that

Stop breakin' my heart. ;u;

[longlivesealand]

It was at this crucial moment that Peter realized what was happening, and good Lord, he was so terrified. Berwald was expecting him to be the man, be the one who take the lead, and say everything will be okay. Peter didn't quite know what to think. How to think. He wasn't ready for this. Heh, nothing in the world would have prepared him for this.

"Papa," Peter said in an equally quiet voice, though his tone was heavy with fear. He tripped over his words, stuttering as he said, "You... didn't hurt me, you know! It was just... a misunderstanding! It's over now, you know, so Peter is okay, and Papa is okay, so we are okay... aye?"

Peter leaned over and tried to place a reassuring hand on Papa's knee.

"Papa, you are the tent pole of this family, you know. Without you, where would Tino and I be? So... cheer up! Hahah~ It'll be all okay! I promise, and you know I never break promises!"

[oxenstierna_b]

Berwald looked up at Peter from where his head had once again falled down. It was as if he could finally see Peter clearly, just how he was doing his best to be strong while Berwald himself was falling apart.

He couldn't speak, his throat suddenly constricted, and for once allowing his impulses to guide him, Berwald threw his arms around Peter and held on hard, his face pressed against Peter's neck. He was distantly aware his eyes were getting wet, but not enough to feel embarrassed over it.

All that mattered right at that moment was holding Peter close, and the tentatively sprouting hope that things might be ok after all. Maybe.

[longlivesealand]

Peter was caught completely off-guard. Though he knew Berwald would never, Peter's first thought was that Papa was going to crush him. He flinched and flailed his arms, thinking that he couldn't possibly stop Papa from squishing him flat.

It wasn't until he was still alive - though breathing was a bit hard - that he realized it was a hug. And what a nice hug it was. He put his arms around Papa, and squeezed back.

"There, there, Papa, it's all right~" he cooed as he stroke Berwald on the back.

[oxenstierna_b]

After some time, it occurred to Berwald his hold might be a bit too tight, so he loosened it, and after yet more time, he managed to gather himself together enough to actually let go of Peter and lean back.

He coughed and tried to rub out the moisture gathered in his eyes furtively, before giving Peter an almost shy look.

"'k," Berwald said quietly, followed by a long silence. "So...ya're feeling better?" he asked tentavily.

[longlivesealand]

Peter let out a deep and happy sigh when Papa finally let go. He grinned at the Swede and charmingly patted the man on the shoulder.

"You all right?" he asked, leaning in to take notes of the moisture in Berwald's eyes. Was it an allergic reaction? Raivis always said he had allergies when he cried...

"I'm feeling quite all right~! No need to worry about me. Just a wee bit overwhelmed with school, is all... Ugh, my American history course..." Peter whined, clapping his hands over his head. "It's so dull, Papa..."

And just like before, Peter went on blabbering how his professor was an eejit, and how British history was far more fascinating. Just like old times.

[oxenstierna_b]

It was just like old times...almost. There was a certain fragility to everything, or maybe that was just a feeling Berwald had. He didn't dare do anything that might shatter the situation though, so he just sat there, nodding at approriate places and making the occasional agreeing noise, which was essentially what he'd always done before too.

As Peter's stories about his studies winded to a close, there threatened to be another awkward silence before Berwald managed to ask:
"An' Raivis? He allright too?"

[longlivesealand]

For Peter, the fragile pretense of perfection was the most he could ask for. Things had inevitably changed between them, but as long as they were both willing, Peter knew that they could mend the broken, if not, at least hide them.

"Raivis is good~" Peter answered before silence had a chance to sink in. He scratched his cheek with a coy smile, color flushing to his skin. "It's almost his birthday, so I've got a surprise for him~ But you can't tell him though, all right?"

He kicked his legs, grinned charmingly to himself, as he explained with great enthusiasm just what he had planned for his husband. He watched Berwald's reaction; the subtle surprise and amusement on the Swede's face was welcoming.

It was not perfect; no, far from it, but it was as perfect as these two grown men could get.