The Shameless Choco-Banana
Who: Vash, Roderich, and itty bitty Eiger
When: Early evening, Saturday April 24th
Where: A park with, hopefully, no hobos
What: Woah, there is so much stress in the world that only a chocolate covered banana can alleviate..
( It's probably not what you think, but maybe if you wish hard enough it will come true. )
When: Early evening, Saturday April 24th
Where: A park with, hopefully, no hobos
What: Woah, there is so much stress in the world that only a chocolate covered banana can alleviate..
( It's probably not what you think, but maybe if you wish hard enough it will come true. )
Vash's heart skipped a beat from no other feeling then utter shock. Just when he thought things couldn't get worse another bombshell was dropped onto him. He knew that Roderich was in the city, sure. But really of all the days he chose to step outside the house he just happened to meet him...
Maybe if he ran fast enough he can get away now without being recognized. Or if he punched him in the nose first he'd be able to confuse him long enough to get away. Or maybe just maybe, he wouldn't recognize him. He hadn't cut his hair since moving into the new house and it had been starting to get a little long, shaggy even.
Well, either way a whole minute and a half had already passed by the time he came out of his what-he-thought-to-be-a-few-seconds of thinking. He hadn't even realized he had clutched the two chocolate bananas already and the vendor was beginning to close up shop.
He didn't even notice he had instinctively put on his usually cold glare as he stared straight at Roderich. The only way it might have possibly gotten more awkward is...
...Well, if Eiger was pooping on his shoes. She just happened to miss, only by a few centimeters though.
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Roderich's breath hitched in his throat, and he felt as if he was about to choke on nothing but his own fear. He was aware that Vash was residing in Liberty and had thought about how he would react if Fate decided to bring them together. None of his scenarios and his tactics were coming to him; he drew a blank, stared back at Vash, and waited for something to happen.
A piece of crushed peanut fell from the chocolate-coat of the banana. Roderich only noticed the peanut because he needed to avoid the cold glare that was making his throat close up even more. Vash always did have a way with glaring at people; it was how he managed to shun off the bullies back in the days.
Now that the glare was turned on him, Roderich was seeing how frightful Swiss rage could be. His eyes followed the falling peanut and caught sight of something vulgar on the ground. He hoped Vash brought some doggy bags to pick up the litter.
His mind ran through a list of possible topics though he knew they would never venture that direction. He couldn't even mutter a proper greeting. The stress, the pressure, the icy glare made Roderich spill out the first thing that came to his mind. Something that, if he was a child back in Vienna, Vash might have laughed with him.
But here, now, at this time and place and age, Roderich said, "Nice banana."
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Did he just say that? He really just said that didn't he? Vash's mind paced back and forth like a game of ping pong as his face positively flushed. If Roderich was looking down there that must mean he was looking down at...
O-oh...Oh God!!
It was the moment that most heterosexual men either dread, or find very flattering. To be precise it was definitely much more of the former then the latter. Vash didn't even want to acknowledge Roderich's existence let alone want to...have feelings for.. well any of that lovey dovey crap!
His shoulders tensed up as his throat began close in and wrap around the words he tried to utter. With his face still flushed and his nerves getting the best of him his voice finally let out a cracked,
"A-Are you coming on to me...?!"
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Roderich's hand found its way to cover his nose and mouth in horror, as if he had witnessed a terrible crime committed before his eyes. A terrible crime had been committed, yes, but Roderich was the sinner. He did not even want to reason with his logic and figured why he said what he had said. He simply wanted to turn in shame and ran as far away as possible.
But Vash's words stopped his body from fleeing the scene. The Swiss was insistent in continuing the embarrassment, and Roderich was too dignified to leave without a comment.
"Y-you idiot! Why would I come on... You have such a vulgar mind, Vash," Roderich said. "I have... I have no intention... desire... you...! You!"
Nothing could stop his cheeks from blushing bright red. His hand still over his mouth and nose, Roderich tried not to run from Vash again.
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"W-who are you calling vulgar!?" he snapped back. "You're the one talking about bananas while looking down at...whatever the hell you were looking at!!" Never one to be able to control his voice level Vash was practically yelling at every living thing that happened to be inhabiting the park at that moment.
"And I'm not an idiot!" he fumed as he stomped his foot up and down. For a moment he paused as a minuscule smile came onto his lips but for half of a second. It was then that he finally saw an opening to possibly turn the tables once again...
"Desire...? Desire to what...exactly?" he teased, knowing it would provoke Roderich.
Meanwhile, Eiger continued to stare up at her caretaker's fists, entranced by the strangely shaped treat as she followed them with her eyes clopping her tiny hooves back and forth. She had to have them. They were her caretaker's therefore they were also rightfully hers, it was the nature of things. Slowly Eiger began stand on her hind quarters trying to reach up to the bananas as she began to bounce up and down. They seemed so close yet so far. Frankly the poor thing couldn't understand why it was unable to reach them...
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The current time, however, was not suited for reminiscence. How dare Vash accuse him of such shamelessness? Roderich was a gentleman above all and as if he had that kind of interest in Vash.
"... Looking down at... I was not looking at anything! Perhaps you'd be wise not to hold such objects with you." He cleared his throat and tried to keep his voice down; Vash was loud enough for the both of them. "Only an idiot would misconstrue my intention for something else."
He shook his attention to the pet goat eying the chocolate bananas. Only Vash would be foolish enough to walk a goat. It must be illegal to walk barn animals in public places. If only there was an officer of the law present to show Vash common decency.
"D-desire!?" The Austrian practically jumped out of his skin. "I have no idea what you are implying, Vash! Only you would think of that. I, desiring you? A-as if...!"
Somewhere in his mind, Roderich knew he was making the situation worse. The best course of action would be to walk away and never look back. But his plan was cut short when he noticed that Vash's anger was concentrating in his hands and the two fingers that gripped the wooden popsicle sticks were applying more pressure than they should.
In a matter of seconds, one of the sticks snapped in halves. The tasty choco-banana treat fell. Not sure why he did it, but perhaps only out of instinct of not wasting food, Roderich reached out and tried to catch the choco-banana.
He succeeded, but he faced with another problem. He had accidentally squeezed the banana as he was catching it. Now, there was googey chocolate and banana on his hands.
"Gott...! Look what you've done!"
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Noise, noise, noise. What was her damn owner complaining about now, she's the one who lost the chance at one of those long curved things covered in tiny brown rocks. It was all over that other man's hand but Eiger did not want to introduce herself by doing something as unrefined as licking the scraps that were still mushed between that guy's fingers. Eiger was a classy goat. Except when it came to bodily functions really. Better out then in, she thought.
But there was still a chance, a moment to retrieve the other golden brown curved tasty looking thing! It was still in her caretaker's hands, and seeing as how her previous jumping up and down didn't do much good she devised a new plan.
Take him down. All the way down. He won't suspect a thing. Stealthy stealthy stealthy...
Eiger positioned herself a few feet behind Vash and she lowered her head and began clopping her hooves. Scraping the ground and checking traction she let out one final snort before bolting forward. Once close enough she lept, head first, into the back of one of Vash's knees sending him straight down like a chopped oak.
He had still been yelling at the time but Vash was suddenly cut off by his sudden change in momentum. "Ah, I seem to be falling forward," he thought.
"Wait what?!"
Instantly his chest collided into Roderich, with the other remaining banana squished in between them...
Eiger was not the smartest of goats.
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As he was about to maneuver his hand into his pocket to take out his handkerchief, he noticed the goat clopping her hooves. Never been a goat-lover like his old Swiss mate, Roderich had no idea what was about to befall him. His fingers were about to find their way into his pocket without touching the fabric when, unexpectedly, Vash fell forward.
If the goat hadn't been there, Roderich would almost think that the Swiss was trying to, oh say, hug him. But he knew better and he knew that, despite their difference, he should do something to try to catch Vash from falling on his face.
Phrase one was deterred by the banana now squished between their chests. Phrase two was already deterred when Roderich found himself falling backward from the impact. Roderich was taller than Vash, of course, but Vash had always been the stronger one.
Instantly, Roderich landed on his back with a banana between him and Vash, who was now on top of him. The Austrian made sure that his hands were not anywhere near Vash's body. His heart pounded so quickly that the banana paste almost seemed alive.
"Do you mind?" he scowled. "You do realize how heavy you are?"
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All the while his cold face didn't change as these thoughts raced through his mind while he cleaned of the sticky chocolate and banana mush from his leather jacket. Better to have his gloves covered in the stuff rather then in plain view on his jacket. With most of the substance wiped off he removed his gloves and stuffed them in his back trouser pocket.
An intense aura overtook him as he looked back at Eiger, the poor thing cowering behind a far bench. He clicked his tongue at the kid and gestured it to come back over while snapping his fingers furiously. Though hesitant at first Eiger slowly scooted forward, hooves dragging against the cement. Once close enough Vash got down on one knee, placing his hand atop her tiny head.
His eyes said it all as they bore into hers, the frightening message now clear. Eiger knew she did something wrong and for that she must repent...
Lifting up the tiny goat with both hands he shoved directly in front of Roderich's face. Her tiny legs dangled in the air as she softly bleated.
With his eyes turned directly to the floor he said, "Sorry," giving a small pause, "she says..."
Well Vash was also sort of sorry, seeing as how it was his goat but he had to much pride to say it out loud to...this guy.
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"What kind of brute would walk a goat in public?" he said loud and clear, ignoring how rude it would sound. To a stranger, he would have had more courtesy as well. But it was Vash he was facing - the person whom he had lovedcherished for many years before he was betrayed and abandoned. Nothing could or ever would mend the void left in him since Vash's departure. That was not to say that Vash was irreplaceable... it was simply that... Roderich hadn't cared to... find another person... worth...
Moving on. He gave another disapproving glance at the goat who was 'apologizing' to him. Did Vash actually expect him to accept an apology from a barn animal? What absurdity: even Vash should know better. Despite that, a little voice whispered in his ear and made him sigh.
"Apology accepted. Though I will need your address," Roderich said in a business tone, "so that I may have my dry-cleaning bill sent to you."
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He sighed as he placed Eiger down and pulled out a pad and pen from his jacket, still left from his days as an enforcer of the law. He quickly scribbled down in elongated lettering the address of his new home on the blank backside of the ticket and tore it from the bad, sticking it onto what was left of the chocolate banana on Roderich's shirt.
Neatly he tucked the pad back into his pocket and said, "You still owe me for the bananas then."
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He was about to reach out and take the address properly when the paper was glued to his chest. "How mature," he mumbled as he unstuck the paper. He looked at the handwriting to make sure that it was a legitimate address before he carefully folded it in half and tucked it into his pocket, without flipping over to see that it was a traffic ticket on the other side.
Now that the bananas were ruined and address taken, Roderich saw no point in lingering in the park. Though he was still hopelessly lost, he resisted the urge to ask for direction. The encounter was embarrassing enough as it was; he needed not to show another sign of weakness.
"Please, you idiot," he raised an irate eyebrow, "I'm not responsible for your carelessness. I see no reason to repay you for your spoiled snack. You should be content that I am not asking you to buy me a new shirt."
He adjusted his glasses again and scoffed at Vash. Some people never change...
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Another blood vessel began to pulse furiously along the side of his temple at being called an idiot once again but managed to hold his tongue in the only way he could. By gritting his teeth and just mentally beating him up. "Fine be like that." he hissed back.
It was only then that he noticed Eiger had gotten much farther then she should have without proper knowledge of which direction she was headed. He turned his back on his long-lost nuisance without even giving a proper goodbye and walked briskly in hopes to try and catch the now sprinting goat.
But something inside Vash made him say, "Go right until you reach the park exit. From there just go straight and It'll lead you to a main street, ask directions there." Maybe it was a force of habit, possibly even slight worry for that directionally challenged moron. Either way it had blurted out from his mouth and he couldn't take it back now.
Even though the wind was beginning to pick up and the air cooled Vash's face felt hot as he began to pick up speed chasing after the now bounding Eiger.
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Roderich gazed down at Vash with a condescending and annoyed frown on his face. The Swiss always had a way of making his heart beat half a step faster, and no, that was not a compliment. There were confidence and self-assurance in Vash's entity that made Roderich's skin crawled with envy. It was not that he wished he was more like Vash; he simply wished he was as content with himself as Vash seemed to be with himself.
After all, it was the only reason Roderich would accept for Vash leaving without a good-bye. At least the last time they parted, Vash cared enough to give him a long scolding before he turned his back on him. Roderich almost wanted to call out for the Swiss to linger longer. An added insult, a snide remark; anything to let him soak in the presence of his old friend just one second longer.
His cheeks might have turned a shade brighter at the direction. He wanted to protest against it, but knew that without it, he would be trapped in the park for another hour or so. It was also probably the nicest thing Vash had done for him during the fateful encounter. Should he be happy? Roderich didn't know.
"Thank you," he whispered as Vash sprinted after his goat. His legs moved him right as instructed, and he followed the concrete path out of the park.
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