Comments | lollyribena: [One Shot] Hershey Surprises

lollyribena

[One Shot] Hershey Surprises

Aug 28, 2008 01:58

My 1st ever written fanfiction ;D

Title : Hershey Surprises
Author : lollyribena
Pairing : Yunjae
Genre : Romance, Fluff, a little Crack
Summary : When Yunho’s back from dance practice, he expects love from Jaejoong. Little does he know the latter has prepared a surprise for him.

( Urm, you sure -points at box- about this?, you asked doubtfully. )

Comments 16

dapdaphae August 28 2008, 06:18:53 UTC

He instead grabs your back and pulls you towards him, crashing onto his chest. The both of you groan in unison as you feel the warmness of his chest disseminating through the fabric of his white polo. You let go of his waist and search for his hand. It was warm and slight rough from the dry weather.

I loved this part. I don't know, the scene just seemed.. very.. i dunno. tender In any case, that was very very sweet <3; there was a POV switch in the middle, right?

"And he loves him to bits for his random midnight activities."
^^ shouldn't that be And you love him..? Assuming that it was Yunho's POV at the end?

♥

lollyribena August 28 2008, 06:44:53 UTC

Hee thanks :D you're actually the 1st comment I got for my 1st fanfiction.
*dances incredulously*

Mm yeah. There's POV switch in the middle. I was afraid if no one notice them. Thank god, you did (: Ah yes, it shoud be you love him ^^ thanks, will edit them now.

*hands Yunjae cookie* ;D

dapdaphae August 28 2008, 06:46:54 UTC

ahaha I only noticed because I tend to do the same thing in my own fics too :) *munches happily on yunjae cookie* 8D

I'll be looking forward to more of your work! :)

♥

lollyribena August 28 2008, 07:38:34 UTC

.. -and I've just realized you're one of the bookmark in my Fanfictions Bookmark tab xD Will continue to spurge more yunjae-fic !

kattan69 August 28 2008, 07:21:41 UTC

This is funny....I thought it would end up in smut (although your genre didn't say so) but it actually ended up with them playing Monopoly. Me and my perverted mind....lol.

Anyway, it was so sweet of Yunho willing to do his for his BooJae even if it is in the middle of the night and he is so tired from work. Lucky Jae!

lollyribena August 28 2008, 07:37:02 UTC

Haha I wanted to write a smut-based one, until I realized I'm deprived of those yummy smut actions ! I'd end up repeating them kissing and kissing again. xD Yeap, lucky Jae. Being able to plan Yunni kisses and smooches 24/7. Maybe he's giving one right this second too..

*flails madly*

& thanks for the loved comment ! :D

alia_cassiopeia August 28 2008, 08:08:09 UTC

monopoly?????

lollyribena August 28 2008, 08:10:23 UTC

Yeap, monopoly. I had a fine time imagining them squabbling over the game ;)

razra_eizel August 28 2008, 08:12:16 UTC

xD That's cute and sweet at the same time. Oh, the things Yunho would do for his lovely Boo x3

Thank you for sharing this :D

lollyribena August 28 2008, 08:28:50 UTC

Glad you enjoyed 'em ^^ Ah, we've seen how Yunho pamper his Boojae in real life.
(;

chloe1910 August 28 2008, 09:30:26 UTC

Jae's random..but that's part of what Yunho loves about Jae right????

This is really sweet...for a moment there, the change of POV got me slightly confused. But no harm done cause I relaised that after reading further ^.^

lollyribena August 28 2008, 10:10:42 UTC

Yeap, random!Jae is love :D Hee I knew it would confused people so I added little prominent Jaejoong traits in 'em ^^