(no subject)
I have loved you since I was 14-years-old. Since the first time we spoke.
I gave pure trust to you - though you never did a thing to earn it.
I believed in you - seeing a better person inside then you were living life as.
Seeing a strong, perfect boy in that heart of yours you abuse so badly.
I would never see you as you are now as being 'it' or the best you would be.
And that is what everyone left in your life will do. Accept what is and not what could.
I wanted to be the one to save you from the man you were becoming. . .
But when people are fueling the bad it is hard to bring it to a stop.
If you were to tell me you planned to jump - I would not follow you, no.
I would be the wall to block it from happening - stopping you from the mistake.
If you were to trip up and begin a fall - I would be the arm to catch yours.
I would have been the one to pull you up to your feet and dust you off.
All of the horror and Hell you put me through, I still would be more for you. . .
When you swore to never hurt me, to never leave me. . .
I defended it. No matter what others said of you.
I would place your morale high - your love for me high.
That your vows to me were too strong to be broken. . .
That you were a man of your word and would live up.
And you turned around and lied. . .and lied. . .and lied.
You cheated on me! You were unloyal to the worst degree.
You abused my trust an my forgivness time and time again.
You came to bed beside me and it was like you never did me wrong.
And I was evil? I was cruel? I was the Devil here?
Who was it that could not look the other in the eyes?
I never wronged you! I never lied to you. I never was unloyal.
I never left for hours not telling you where I was or who with.
I did not make up fake reason to be late, or leave early.
And knowing you were treating me poorly. . .
I had nothing but open arms for you when you came home.
I still gave nothing but all my love to you even when your back was to me.
And. . .I kept believe you were better then all this. It would pass.
You would live up to the boy I thought you were and you made yourself out to be.
You would live up to the promises you made me and the things I wanted.
And you destroyed it all. . .everything I saw in you. You tore it down. . .
Every promise broken. Every vow turned on. Every dream dashed.
You would never live up to any of the things I knew were there.
And not because you can not - but because you will not.
You are so consumed, yet so incontent, with a deeper greed.
And you make yourself believe it is something greater. . .
You make yourself believe you are doing it for the good of others.
And all it is, is selfish.
How could you? How could you break my heart?
How could you replace me a night later?
Bring her into the place that was our home,
put her in my place in that bed?
How can you sleep easy at night. . .?
How can you turn over, find I am not there,
and be OK with it?
And are you happy that now I can not sleep at night?
That I toss and turn, and have only nightmares?
That I have to pop sleeping pills to get any rest?
That I no longer believe in love?
That I no longer believe in people?
Is it OK with you that I can't know what was truth,
or what was lies. If not to her, then to me.
Or if not to me then to yourself. . .
Or to all of us who knows!?
That I sit around all day confused.
Wondering why you won't love me how you told me you would.
Wondering why you treat me this way now for her?
Blocking me and deleting me from your life -
though no matter what you did to me I never had.
I was not bad. I was not a bad girlfriend. Not a bad person.
So I did not clean or cook wonderful -
that is no reason to put me through what I have been put through.
I gave everything else 100% if not more. . .
So why am I the one hurting?
I gave pure trust to you - though you never did a thing to earn it.
I believed in you - seeing a better person inside then you were living life as.
Seeing a strong, perfect boy in that heart of yours you abuse so badly.
I would never see you as you are now as being 'it' or the best you would be.
And that is what everyone left in your life will do. Accept what is and not what could.
I wanted to be the one to save you from the man you were becoming. . .
But when people are fueling the bad it is hard to bring it to a stop.
If you were to tell me you planned to jump - I would not follow you, no.
I would be the wall to block it from happening - stopping you from the mistake.
If you were to trip up and begin a fall - I would be the arm to catch yours.
I would have been the one to pull you up to your feet and dust you off.
All of the horror and Hell you put me through, I still would be more for you. . .
When you swore to never hurt me, to never leave me. . .
I defended it. No matter what others said of you.
I would place your morale high - your love for me high.
That your vows to me were too strong to be broken. . .
That you were a man of your word and would live up.
And you turned around and lied. . .and lied. . .and lied.
You cheated on me! You were unloyal to the worst degree.
You abused my trust an my forgivness time and time again.
You came to bed beside me and it was like you never did me wrong.
And I was evil? I was cruel? I was the Devil here?
Who was it that could not look the other in the eyes?
I never wronged you! I never lied to you. I never was unloyal.
I never left for hours not telling you where I was or who with.
I did not make up fake reason to be late, or leave early.
And knowing you were treating me poorly. . .
I had nothing but open arms for you when you came home.
I still gave nothing but all my love to you even when your back was to me.
And. . .I kept believe you were better then all this. It would pass.
You would live up to the boy I thought you were and you made yourself out to be.
You would live up to the promises you made me and the things I wanted.
And you destroyed it all. . .everything I saw in you. You tore it down. . .
Every promise broken. Every vow turned on. Every dream dashed.
You would never live up to any of the things I knew were there.
And not because you can not - but because you will not.
You are so consumed, yet so incontent, with a deeper greed.
And you make yourself believe it is something greater. . .
You make yourself believe you are doing it for the good of others.
And all it is, is selfish.
How could you? How could you break my heart?
How could you replace me a night later?
Bring her into the place that was our home,
put her in my place in that bed?
How can you sleep easy at night. . .?
How can you turn over, find I am not there,
and be OK with it?
And are you happy that now I can not sleep at night?
That I toss and turn, and have only nightmares?
That I have to pop sleeping pills to get any rest?
That I no longer believe in love?
That I no longer believe in people?
Is it OK with you that I can't know what was truth,
or what was lies. If not to her, then to me.
Or if not to me then to yourself. . .
Or to all of us who knows!?
That I sit around all day confused.
Wondering why you won't love me how you told me you would.
Wondering why you treat me this way now for her?
Blocking me and deleting me from your life -
though no matter what you did to me I never had.
I was not bad. I was not a bad girlfriend. Not a bad person.
So I did not clean or cook wonderful -
that is no reason to put me through what I have been put through.
I gave everything else 100% if not more. . .
So why am I the one hurting?