(no subject)
I asked my dad how the doctor visit went and he said that it was all bad news and that he is having four procedures this week. I don't know what procedures and I still don't know what kind of lymphoma he has because for some reason I can't bring myself to ask him anything about it.
Paul said it's probably because of the years of disassociation. Which is probably true.
I like really don't want my dad to die.
I'm really just finished with people dying, altogether. I don't know how much more death I can handle without totally losing my shit.
I don't want anyone to take care of me but I feel like I really need someone to. Does that make sense? probably not.
I'm just experiencing wves of everything being fine and then sobbing. Those are my two states of being right now.
fuck.
just fuck.
Paul said it's probably because of the years of disassociation. Which is probably true.
I like really don't want my dad to die.
I'm really just finished with people dying, altogether. I don't know how much more death I can handle without totally losing my shit.
I don't want anyone to take care of me but I feel like I really need someone to. Does that make sense? probably not.
I'm just experiencing wves of everything being fine and then sobbing. Those are my two states of being right now.
fuck.
just fuck.