0613
WOAH WOAH WOAH!
CHILL OUT KIDS!
WHATS UP WITH ALL THE SUPERFICIALITY?
I DON'T REMEMBER BEING 16 GROWING UP AND WANTING THE LATEST CHANEL BAG.
IN ALL HONESTY, THE SOCIETY NOW SUCKS.
IT'S SO SAD.
EVERYONE SUCKS.
IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGSTY.
I woke up from my insomnia and with my body dominating illness and what not.
Okay, I don't fall sick often. I can't handle it. I hate it. It makes me so fucking grouchy too.
I hate not being able to be up & running around with my life.
Cause of some fucking sickness. That's it, I'm quitting smoking. I can't imagine being old & bed ridden.
I'm cutting down first, then going cold turkey. Or maybe I'll just quit after art school. But then I'm going back into film.
All of which require me to smoke a lot for personal reasons. No, they are not made up or me being a lousy excuse of a human being.
God, I wish I was a guy then I wouldn't have to make such sacrifices for my non-existent baby.
( I was thinking Quinn & Julien. Girl & Boy, Respectively )
Smoking is beautiful.
I'm so juvenile for saying that, I know. I can't help it. It's like I'm 19 & 55 at the same time. Well, on most days.
My thoughts & My personality don't accommodate each other most of the time.
They contradict each other so often, it throws me into a rage of unacceptable behavior.
( Me VS the world, the world VS Me. Thank God, I've awesome friends )
I've been reading the wind up bird chronicles but every time I read it I'm waiting for the meds to settle in.
The sizes of the words in the book change from a 11, 12 to 13 subtly & rapidly. So I squint my eyes cause for some reason.
My brain always gets faint at the most interesting part of the read which, usually requires the most absorbing.
My hands get shaky & the cotton shirt I'm wearing starts to hurt the skin on my back. It feels kind of like, prickly?
Ever get that? I get that when I'm extremely tired and terribly close to experiencing a cardiac arrest.
ha ha okay maybe, probably, I'm being melodramatic again. Just that last sentence, perhaps. Whatever.
But it feels like that for me.
Anyway, illness aside, life has been pretty good for me.
I've been seeing quite a bit of all my best friends lately.
& that, is enough for me.
minus the emotional trauma I went through
okay, gonna go back and hit the sack
but but but I willll be backkkkkkkkkk ( think arnold schwarzenegger ( talk about ridiculous surnames ) )
X