Congratulations, me!
Character: Shiv
Series: Static Shock
Age: 17
Canon: A mysterious explosion unleashed an experimental gas over the city of Dakota one night, turning those exposed into metahumans with exciting new powers. Since Dakota doesn't seem to care about curfews, almost every person to get these cool powers is a stylish modern teenager. It could be the beginning of Saved by the Bell: X-TREME, except most of those teenagers are dangerous gang members with no concept of moderation. What are the good people of Dakota to do with the sudden spike in crime? Why, they do what any other city using superhero logic would! Let the inexperienced teenager Static Shock take care everything! Problem solved, as long as nothing bad happens during school hours.
For every wholesome superhero there's a dastardly villain, and for every dastardly villain there's a loyal funny guy. That funny guy is Shiv, a constant annoyance to heroes and villains alike. At first glance, Shiv doesn't look very intimidating. His constant cheer might even fool some into thinking he's a good guy deep inside, until they realize Shiv considers the Joker a positive rolemodel and gets really excited about stabbing things. Shiv can manipulate light energy into weapons that can be held or made part of his own body, which means he can have lightsabers for hands. That would be completely awesome if he were useful in a fight. Shiv is more of a showman than an actual threat, and spends a lot of time laughing at his own jokes. He gets so caught up in putting on an act that he can be taken out by something as simple as a baseball thrown at his head. With all these faults, the big bad boss probably just keeps the guy around as an example of what not to do.
Sample Post:
Listen, I gotta say I am just tha-rilled to be here. I've always wanted a captive audience! Haha! Do you get it? Captive, because you dumb slobs can't even figure out how to get through a wall! Barrier, shmarrier. You just aren't applying yourself. What a bunch of underachievers! Kids today, am I right? Pssh no, I ain't gonna help. Didn't I just say kids today are underachievers? Keep up, slowpokes, because I am on a roll! Ba-dum ching! Heehee, drumroll. Classic.
Speaking of classics, stop me if you've heard this one before. Why did the zombie cross the ro- Ow! Owowow! Stop throwing stuff at me! Okay fine, what if it's a zombie baby? Heeey, I see you there, taking your ears off so you can't hear me. That is cold. That is ice ice, baby. Yeesh, for a bunch of softies this sure is one tough crowd. Softies, because you're all rotting and squishy, see? That's a little joke just for you. Come on! That was a good one! Ugh, you give and you give and you give and never get nothin' back. It'd break my heart if I had one. Hoohoo, lucky me! I can't imagine how exhausting life is for people who care all the time.
But you know, that's fine. So you don't like jokes, so what. There's plenty of other things to keep us entertained. For example, I can cut a rug! HAHAHAHA! ... The rug is your face. And I'm gonna cut it. Get it? Okay, that one was lame, but the point is that now my hand is a knife and yours isn't. How about a little demonstration? Now this handy blade never rusts or dulls! Look at how cleanly it slices and dices through anything! Hey, I can even make Julienne fries - whoever Julienne is. Hehehe, ahh who cares what your name is? I'll cut up anything that gets in my way! Say goodbye to your happy trees, your precious woodland friends, and this big dumb rock! AHAHAHA... Ha... Hrm.
I, uh, I'm stuck. Heh. So about that rampant property destruction! That was just a joke, you know? Just a little fun between friends. Aww c'mon, don't be mad. Help me get unstuck and we can hug it out! Wait, where are you going? Get back here you ugly sack of maggots! Don't think I'm done with you yet! You haven't even heard my punchline!!
( Vote post.)