Presidential Speech
Found this floating around:
Subject: Presidential Speech...
Wouldn't it be great to hear the president give this speech on TV tonight??
> My fellow Americans:
>
> As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.
> Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
> mission in Iraq is complete.
>
> This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
> forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is
> now time to begin the reckoning.
>
> Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
> which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
> short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
> some of the countries listed there.
>
> The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
> world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
> distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
>
> Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
> nations in List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
> during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
> Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into
> third world hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on
> corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
> Call France.
>
> In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
> money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
>
> On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
> will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
> of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France,
> or maybe China.
>
> To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace
> deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go
> to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big
> tables, too.
>
> I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
> Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
> retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
>
> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
> diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
> tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
> crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your
> tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be
> turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New
York.
>
> A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
> going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try
> not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2.
> President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude
> adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting
> around.
> Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing
> something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is
> abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
>
> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
> Some will accuse us of SEPARATISM. I answer them be saying darn
> tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life
> around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about
> everyone on the planet.
>
> It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
> homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from
> America.
>
> To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks, guys. We owe you.
>
> To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
>
> God bless America Thank you and good night.
Subject: Presidential Speech...
Wouldn't it be great to hear the president give this speech on TV tonight??
> My fellow Americans:
>
> As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.
> Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
> mission in Iraq is complete.
>
> This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
> forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is
> now time to begin the reckoning.
>
> Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
> which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
> short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
> some of the countries listed there.
>
> The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
> world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
> distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
>
> Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
> nations in List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
> during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
> Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into
> third world hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on
> corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
> Call France.
>
> In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
> money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
>
> On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
> will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
> of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France,
> or maybe China.
>
> To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace
> deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go
> to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big
> tables, too.
>
> I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
> Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
> retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
>
> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
> diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
> tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
> crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your
> tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be
> turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New
York.
>
> A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
> going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try
> not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2.
> President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude
> adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting
> around.
> Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing
> something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is
> abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
>
> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
> Some will accuse us of SEPARATISM. I answer them be saying darn
> tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life
> around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about
> everyone on the planet.
>
> It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
> homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from
> America.
>
> To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks, guys. We owe you.
>
> To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
>
> God bless America Thank you and good night.