Welcome~ ! And now: Write!
Hello and welcome!
We have gathered here to celebrate politics in a special way. All those beautiful puns brought to us by the election coverage and, of course, the people involved, have already sparked the imagination of most of us. This is the place to show your ideas to a (hopefully) big audience.
You want to read what David Cameron and Nick ( Read more... )
We have gathered here to celebrate politics in a special way. All those beautiful puns brought to us by the election coverage and, of course, the people involved, have already sparked the imagination of most of us. This is the place to show your ideas to a (hopefully) big audience.
You want to read what David Cameron and Nick ( Read more... )
Reply
But, totally seconded.
Reply
George, feeling the change already, put a hand on David’s arm. He felt his shoulders narrow, and shoulderblades rotate beneath his expensive suit.
“Hang on, George,” David waved him away, distracted.
“It’s quite urgent, actually.” George tried to resist the urge to chew on David’s sleeve. He pawed at him.
David sighed. “Alright, alright. What’s the problem?”
“Um..” George twitched and fiddled nervously with a cufflink. “In private?” He glanced towards the window as the moonlight filtered through. He felt his bones growing inside him, which was never a pleasant experience.
“George, I don’t have time for this. We need to get on with sorting the Cabinet members.” David snapped.
“Whatever it is, surely it can wait until we’ve arranged everything? I’m sure you’re private problems are very interesting but they’re not half as important as the running of the country.” Nick interjected. Little creep - this newly given power wasn’t half making him cocky.
Vince, on the other hand, frowned. He watched George’s hands, blurred as he twisted them, but there was definitely a darker hue to the skin now. His eyes began to bulge, and his neck spasmed.
Vince peered out of the window and smirked. “I always knew there was something off about the little sod.” He announced, with a chuckle. George jumped, feeling hair start to prickle the back of his neck.
“What?” David turned to Vince. Vince nodded in George’s direction. Only it wasn’t George anymore.
Still half draped in George’s suit jacket and shirt, the animal looked rather feeble and pathetic. It was definitely lupine, but rather less threatening than depicted in films and books. It had large white eyes, and a square snout, large paws with stunted claws. Even its teeth weren’t that threatening.
Vince supposed that’s what happened when werewolves were trapped inside the bodies of obsessive, perfectly presented Tories. Vince wondered what horrific nature a werewolf could take on if it had been one of those old-guard Tories who frothed at the mouth..
“What the hell?” David demanded. The wolf-shaped Chancellor snarled in response.
Nick rounded of David. “Did you know about this?!” Nick shouted in both fear and annoyance. No amount of sunny press conferences could save the deal if this got out..
“Of course I didn’t! Would I really appoint a Chancellor who has a habit of turning into a bloody werewolf?! Would I appoint him on the night of a full moon with hundreds of reporters outside?” David resented the accusation more than the fact of the werewolf in his newly acquired cabinet room.
“What are you going to do?” Nick demanded, panicked.
“What the hell am I supposed to do, Nick? Got any silver bullets on you, have you? I can’t just kill him, he's the Chancellor of the Exchequer!”
“He looks like he might kill you.” Nick said, staring warily at the werewolf. It was crouched, still snarling menacingly.
The pair backed away, terrified. Vince sighed and removed his tie. “Amateurs.” He muttered, under his breath.
As George sprang at the PM and deputy, Vince neatly put himself between the werewolf and his two Cabinet colleagues, slipping his slipknotted tie around its muzzle and pulling it tight.
The creature was stupid (just like when in its human form, Vince thought unkindly), and took a moment to realise what the hell had happened. It snuffled and shook his head vigorously, but Vince kept a firm hold and the knot didn’t budge. Vince pulled its head back, keeping it at a disadvantage. The sorry looking thing whimpered pitifully.
Vince scratched him behind the ear, and it wagged its tail.
“God, Vince. How the hell did you manage that?” Nick gaped, watching Vince take a seat, and the werewolf sit obediently at his feet. Vince tickled him under the chin and he whined happily.
“Experience is a valuable thing.” Vince said, sagely. George drooled on his knee.
Reply
He'd spend the night happily curled up at Vince's feet, while the three of them debated which cabinet post should go to whom. Occasionally, he had snarled or barked at them, but Vince had kept him in line with a swift kick to the ribs.
He was now back to normal - except for the fact that he was hunched on the floor, naked in the cabinet room with Vince's yellow tie around his head.
“I can’t sack him. People will say we’re Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, that we hate each other already. I’m not being Tony Blair.” David wailed, petulantly.
“You can’t have a lycanthropic cabinet minister, Dave!” Nick protested.
George blushed and pulled his suit jacket around himself.
“Why not? We survived with Prescott in the Cabinet. At least George only goes mental once a month.”
“What are you going to do, then? Lock him up in Dorneywood every full moon and hope no one notices?”
“Vince can look after him. He seemed to like Vince.”
George looked slightly non-plussed. “Did I?”
“You curled up in his lap.” Nick said, a little disgusted.
“Am I going to be fired?” George asked.
David bit his lip and eyed his friend and chancellor. Sacked after 1 night as Chancellor would only reflect badly on David and possibly the two Lib Dems. George would get pity and a lot of press attention. George would probably get lucrative offers to spill any number of filthy and (mostly made up) stories about David to the papers.
“No.” Vince supplied when David didn’t respond. He crouched down in front of George. “You’re going to be Chancellor. But you’re going to do everything I tell you. Otherwise, I'll tell everyone your little secret. And then the public have a witch hunt, shoot you and hang your hide on the gates at the end of the street.”
“Oh. Er... Alright,” George stammered, stupidly.
“Good lad,” Vince tapped George between the eyes and ruffled his hair.
George bristled at the loss of dignity inflicted by this, but, wisely, said nothing.
Vince grinned broadly and clapped his hands, businesslike. “Now. About the public sector spending cuts..”
Reply
Especially that’s what happened when werewolves were trapped inside the bodies of obsessive, perfectly presented Tories. Vince wondered what horrific nature a werewolf could take on if it had been one of those old-guard Tories who frothed at the mouth.. Like PETER BONE?
Now I'm wondering what sort of prior experience Vince has...?
Reply
I don't know the details but I know for a FACT Vince leads a secret other life as defender of the earth. Because Vince is BAMF.
Reply
"“I can’t sack him. People will say we’re Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, that we hate each other already. I’m not being Tony Blair.” David wailed, petulantly"
I 100% believe he will say / has said this at some point. Petulantly. Maybe not for the same reason though.
Reply
really.
*goes to find out when there's a full moon next*
Reply
This line made my life! Brilliant :D
Reply
SO AWESOME! Can't wait for the second part!
I can’t just kill him, he's the Chancellor of the Exchequer!
LOL
Vince is so mean to him, but at least he lets Gids drool on his knee.
Reply
This anon loves it when Vince gets all manly and controlling on Gids. *looks shifty*
Reply
Leave a comment