8 - upwards to infinity
Welcome to our eighth prompt post.
As ususal, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1) All fills for prompts of the earlier prompt posts go in the post the prompt was posted in. No re-posting or splitting up prompts and fills.
2) Self-prompt when you post unprompted fic. (This means posting what the fill is about in a first comment, like a real ( Read more... )
As ususal, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1) All fills for prompts of the earlier prompt posts go in the post the prompt was posted in. No re-posting or splitting up prompts and fills.
2) Self-prompt when you post unprompted fic. (This means posting what the fill is about in a first comment, like a real ( Read more... )
“You did try and tell me, didn’t you?” David asked, and they both knew the answer. Ed thought of it, often, because it was the first time David had kissed him, albeit chastely, on the cheek, because they were brothers. “I didn’t realise then,” David went on, “I couldn’t see how you were struggling.”
“It’s not your fault,” Ed said, and took David’s hand, because he couldn’t look at him.
There was silence, for a moment, then David asked, quietly, “What happened last night, Ed? Please tell me.”
It was the plea which did it, and even as he screwed his eyes tight shut, wracked with embarrassment, he knew he couldn’t deny it. Half the story tumbled from his lips, awkwardly, the part about Mandelson, and the pain, and Cameron, and, lastly, how he liked it.
He didn’t realise until the grip grew suddenly tighter, that their hands were still linked, and he looked at David then, startled. “You like it when they hurt you?” David asked, and his voice was small and confused, and because he wasn’t thinking he said, instantly,
“But you don’t understand, David. I deserve it.”
David’s free hand was touched to the raw patches of skin he’d been treating, and his expression was carefully neutral. “Why do you think you deserve it?”
He could have lied, he could have said anything, just to keep David from realising. But he felt tired, exhausted, from the effort of constantly pretending, and he could see, this close, that all it was doing was upsetting David. It would be better, he reasoned, for David to hate him, than for David to blame himself for the state he was in.
“Because I love you,” he whispered. “I love you.”
David didn’t flinch away, or hit him. He didn’t even laugh, or ask him if he was joking. “Was that as bad as you imagined?” he asked instead, all hushed tones, “Do you wish you hadn’t told me?”
He was confused, because it wasn’t any of the reactions he had been expecting, and he opened his mouth, unable to reign in the childish stammer, “D-David?” David was biting down at his lip, regarding him seriously.
“All this time, Ed,” he said, and he shook his head. “All this time and I was the problem.”
He couldn’t let that slip, because it wasn’t David’s fault. None of it. “It’s my problem,” he countered, “I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Do you want me to hurt you?” David asked then, and his face was pale.
“No,” he answered, instantly. He couldn’t bear the thought of David sneering at him, forcing his head down as he told him he was a disgrace, and that he was ashamed of him. But might it be worth it, he thought, if it meant that David would touch him? “Unless-“ he ventured, stomach churning, “unless you want to.”
David looked stricken. “Of course not. I couldn’t.”
He was going to cry, he knew it, just to complete his humiliation. His throat ached and his eyes stung, and every time he moved the rest of him hurt, as if in sympathy. He reached for his shirt, suddenly desperately aware of his nakedness, but David’s hand on his arm stopped him, the touch scorching, so that Ed had to look at him.
David’s gaze was dark and intense, and Ed’s heart skipped a beat, the room suddenly seeming bereft of oxygen.
“I can help you,” David whispered. “If you let me.”
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David didn’t break eye contact, and just the feel of his breath against his skin was enough to make him desperate. He was shivering, trembling, and when David touched their lips together it made him ache for more from him.
It was soft and careful, the way it had really never been, and David’s hands wandered his bared torso, until he gasped with pain and David pulled away, to murmur apologies. Ed didn’t know what to say, how he could get David to continue, but David seemed to come to a decision then and pulled him to his feet, leading him from the sitting room to his bedroom.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said, when David lowered them to the mattress, and David nipped at his ear, playfully, and said,
“I’m not a girl, Ed. Can’t you pick a more suitable adjective?”
He couldn’t, because there wasn’t one, and David seemed to realise how sincerely he meant it then because he kissed him again, deeper, until their tongues were slicking against each other. It was so good, too good, and he reached for David’s shirt buttons, his skin on fire from the way David was gasping into his mouth, and the way he was pressed against him.
“It’s not you,” David told him, breathless, when Ed pushed his shirt from his shoulders. “It’s both of us. I didn’t know, Ed, that it was real. When I saw you looking at me, I thought I had to be imagining it.”
It made him feel cold and hot at the same time, when David’s words registered, but David’s fingers were urgent now, trying to get rid of the barriers between them.
“I should have seen,” David said, “I should have been there for you.”
He’d never wanted David to be upset, had spent most of his life going out of his way to prevent it, so he touched David in return, gingerly. David’s cheeks were flushed, and his mouth fell open, and wished that he had more experience, so that it would be better for David.
David seemed less concerned, pushing into his hand and whining, “Don’t stop, Ed. Please don’t stop.”
It made him more confident, and he slid the fingers of his other hand around the back of David’s neck, pulling him closer so he could kiss him. David braced himself then, on one forearm, and touched him in return, kissing him and kissing him before breaking away to suck at his neck, wetly.
It felt like electricity, running through him, and he arched his neck back, in encouragement. David didn’t waste any time, raising a mark of his own, branding him. The idea made him still more excited, and he clutched at David’s back, wanting it to last forever, but desperate for it to be over, because it was too much, especially when David’s fingers swiped lower.
He pushed back, wanting, and David pulled back, to ask him if he had anything. He nodded, embarrassed, at the dresser, and David kissed him again, reassuring. David took his time, proceeding only desperately slowly, until he was frantic, begging,
“Please, David. Just do it.”
David shut his eyes, but worked his fingers out of him. David groaned his name, brushed his hair back from his face and kissed him, even as he moved, inching himself further inside him. Ed pushed himself back, just to see the agonised ecstasy across David’s face.
It couldn’t last, because it had been too long coming, and the entire mess of his adult life culminated in a single moment, entwined with David.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered later, when David was wrapped around him, because he had dragged them both past the point of return when, no matter what David said, it should have remained his own burden.
“There’s only one thing I’m sorry for,” David told him, stubbornly, breath against his cheek in the darkness. “That I didn’t realise sooner.”
Apologies to the world, but I can’t help but love overwrought woobie angst!
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dear God, don't apologize. That was .. perfect.
I can't find other words for it. Just.. better than I could ever have imagined it. Heartbreaking, tears shedding, perfect.
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Amazing fill!
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