A little bit about me...
...for all of you.
I'm strange, I know this, I'll admit it. I'm over affectionate. I'm empathetic. I'm brash and immature. Sometimes I'm not a good conversationalist-- okay often times. I like to play World of Warcraft, although I rarely get to do it so the times I do manage to get on it's for long spans of time. I don't like being guilt tripped, I hate it and I will lash out at anyone who tries to do it to me. I can't read minds.
I'm an emotional rock wall. If something bad happens to me I don't usually need to turn to someone for support in order to get through it. When my grandmother died and my mom, dad, and brother were crying, I went down in the other room and watched Horatio Hornblower. When people are crying at the end of camp I just stared blankly at them, wondering what was so horrible that they had to bawl their eyes out over it.
I don't cry easily for stuff that happens to me, but when it happens to someone else my heart breaks to pieces.
I get silent when I don't know what to do, and when I don't know what to do I want to hide away in a dark corner and still try to solve it even if it is too late. I hate saying the wrong thing. I worry about how people will react to the things I say when it is a personal issue and I'm hesitant to give opinions on what I think should be done when it is a touchy subject.
I don't like making people angry at me, and when I do I get physically ill and sometimes will even loose my breakfast, lunch, or dinner depending on what time it is.
I don't need constant contact with a person to still feel in touch with them. I have gone a few weeks (heck even up to a year) without speaking to a person because it just didn't pop into my mind. Then one day I send them an IM and it was back to normal after some catch up time. I'm not often the one to initiate conversation or call someone else because I never want to bother them or end up calling them when they are in the middle of something else.
I'm not used to just chatting over the phone because most of my phone "conversations" were "I was wondering if you're free today. You are? Great, wanna do something?" and that lasts all of about maybe a minute or two. Long conversations over the phone is awkward for me, try as I might to make it work.
I try to make things better. I will sit and listen to problems. People say they've felt distant from me because I am a distant person. Since I was small I was growing up in my fantasies, and nothing can change that. Nothing can change the fact that I can perfectly content to sit by myself for hours on end with no contact from anyone. I've spent entire days by myself in my house since I was a tiny totter.
I've been told I don't try hard enough in friendships, but all most all of my friendships have come naturally to me and the other person, no work involved. It's just how I work. I slid in and out of reality and chat when the mood hits me to. I assume people will come to me with their problems and I will go to them with mine, but not really often because like I said, I deal with them on my own.
Compared to the stories I create my life is boring, so whenever someone asks me how my day went I usually say "Eh." And leave it at that. It's a general routine. School, work, home. There's really nothing spectacular to report unless I get pissed off about something. If something great happens to me I tend to keep it to myself unless it's outstanding, because I don't want to seem like I'm boasting.
I hate boasting, and I hate talking about myself because I don't want to be that kind of person where the conversation always seems to be about them or in relation to them in some way.
I'm hypocritical at times. I know something is bad for me, mentally most of the time, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let other people go down that route as well. If I can't be saved then damnit I'm going to save as many people as I can. Life's too damn short for me to allow other people to think the crap that I do.
Until the 7th grade I had not friends, or an occasional friend who later betrayed me or turned out not really being my friend at all. I wonder why people like me so much and sometimes wonder if they really do like me at all or if they're just placing a mask over their snickering lies.
I like to talk about what I know, but conversations are hard to start and for the most part I am very much a listener and not a talker.
I don't eat healthy most of the time and I would very much rather be somewhere else half the time. There are a few people I can say that I hold dear to me and it would tear me to shreds if I ever lost them. Some of them I have known for only a little over a year, and others at least 6 years. I don't have any friends since when I was 5, I've never been in situations where massive amounts of drama or traumatic emotions have flared because I was very sheltered by my own actions.
I guess that makes me objective.
But I'm not.
I'm twisted. That's all there is to it and that's how the story ends.
Don't know if I'm really worth the time, but I'd like to think I am.
Good night everyone.
~Gizzy/Heika.
P.S. This isn't all about me, but it's 12:30 A.M. and I can't think of anything else.
I'm strange, I know this, I'll admit it. I'm over affectionate. I'm empathetic. I'm brash and immature. Sometimes I'm not a good conversationalist-- okay often times. I like to play World of Warcraft, although I rarely get to do it so the times I do manage to get on it's for long spans of time. I don't like being guilt tripped, I hate it and I will lash out at anyone who tries to do it to me. I can't read minds.
I'm an emotional rock wall. If something bad happens to me I don't usually need to turn to someone for support in order to get through it. When my grandmother died and my mom, dad, and brother were crying, I went down in the other room and watched Horatio Hornblower. When people are crying at the end of camp I just stared blankly at them, wondering what was so horrible that they had to bawl their eyes out over it.
I don't cry easily for stuff that happens to me, but when it happens to someone else my heart breaks to pieces.
I get silent when I don't know what to do, and when I don't know what to do I want to hide away in a dark corner and still try to solve it even if it is too late. I hate saying the wrong thing. I worry about how people will react to the things I say when it is a personal issue and I'm hesitant to give opinions on what I think should be done when it is a touchy subject.
I don't like making people angry at me, and when I do I get physically ill and sometimes will even loose my breakfast, lunch, or dinner depending on what time it is.
I don't need constant contact with a person to still feel in touch with them. I have gone a few weeks (heck even up to a year) without speaking to a person because it just didn't pop into my mind. Then one day I send them an IM and it was back to normal after some catch up time. I'm not often the one to initiate conversation or call someone else because I never want to bother them or end up calling them when they are in the middle of something else.
I'm not used to just chatting over the phone because most of my phone "conversations" were "I was wondering if you're free today. You are? Great, wanna do something?" and that lasts all of about maybe a minute or two. Long conversations over the phone is awkward for me, try as I might to make it work.
I try to make things better. I will sit and listen to problems. People say they've felt distant from me because I am a distant person. Since I was small I was growing up in my fantasies, and nothing can change that. Nothing can change the fact that I can perfectly content to sit by myself for hours on end with no contact from anyone. I've spent entire days by myself in my house since I was a tiny totter.
I've been told I don't try hard enough in friendships, but all most all of my friendships have come naturally to me and the other person, no work involved. It's just how I work. I slid in and out of reality and chat when the mood hits me to. I assume people will come to me with their problems and I will go to them with mine, but not really often because like I said, I deal with them on my own.
Compared to the stories I create my life is boring, so whenever someone asks me how my day went I usually say "Eh." And leave it at that. It's a general routine. School, work, home. There's really nothing spectacular to report unless I get pissed off about something. If something great happens to me I tend to keep it to myself unless it's outstanding, because I don't want to seem like I'm boasting.
I hate boasting, and I hate talking about myself because I don't want to be that kind of person where the conversation always seems to be about them or in relation to them in some way.
I'm hypocritical at times. I know something is bad for me, mentally most of the time, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let other people go down that route as well. If I can't be saved then damnit I'm going to save as many people as I can. Life's too damn short for me to allow other people to think the crap that I do.
Until the 7th grade I had not friends, or an occasional friend who later betrayed me or turned out not really being my friend at all. I wonder why people like me so much and sometimes wonder if they really do like me at all or if they're just placing a mask over their snickering lies.
I like to talk about what I know, but conversations are hard to start and for the most part I am very much a listener and not a talker.
I don't eat healthy most of the time and I would very much rather be somewhere else half the time. There are a few people I can say that I hold dear to me and it would tear me to shreds if I ever lost them. Some of them I have known for only a little over a year, and others at least 6 years. I don't have any friends since when I was 5, I've never been in situations where massive amounts of drama or traumatic emotions have flared because I was very sheltered by my own actions.
I guess that makes me objective.
But I'm not.
I'm twisted. That's all there is to it and that's how the story ends.
Don't know if I'm really worth the time, but I'd like to think I am.
Good night everyone.
~Gizzy/Heika.
P.S. This isn't all about me, but it's 12:30 A.M. and I can't think of anything else.