Because I need to atleast tell....someone/thing.
I'm pretty confident I feel this way at this point of the year every year, or at least I think I do. Just like everyone else it changes slightly every year because I'm a year older, and a year more challenged or 'experienced'.
I'm really close to having my degree and that's cool..but only in the fact that I'll need to start getting my money/mind/living right for the next degree. mmmh.
I'm at the point where I really, really, really wish all I could do is just study and focus on school. I get lost in my notes easily and just want to accomplish the things I set out to do this semester. I thought I had a hard time studying at my house, so I basically immigrated to Tyler's house...not any better there either. His roommate sucks a big cock. I don't like that guy and he scares me. I feel threatened by him. All he talks about is how he needs to get laid, and takes pisses with the door open all the time. I'm running away from that place and fast.
I'm a little tired of the setting all together. Nothing really major just crave the independence that probably all only children do, in a cyclical fashion.
I've been breaking down a lot lately too, it seems that the common theme coming from my lips is 'it's just a lot'. I get overwhelmed EASILY. I think it's boiling down the this underlying feeling of not belonging anywhere? My mom told me she was going to sell the house since I'm moving out. She said she only bought it for me and now that I'm abandoning her there is no point. She's crazy and lying I think. However when she told me I totally lost it.
Because she and I already have so many issues going on, and that's just not what I needed to hear. I think she gets her kicks by getting trashed and making me feel like a fuck up for everything I do. I work my ass off, I do GREAT in school, I pay my bills, I'm not too damn shabby for a 21 year old. She said I'm a hypocrite for quitting smoking? and that I think I'm better than her. That's not true. I've made one remark about her quitting and it's because I don't want to watch her die. It scares me to hear her hack up a fucking lung in the morning coughing, and I care about her. However, it's all different in her eyes. Meh... I don't know what to do. I keep going to work and making money. I keep going to school and studying. It would just be much better if I could have some FUCKING PEACE AND QUIET IN MY LIFE.
You know how when you're a kid and you imagine your 'adult future' I never totally knew what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to be a big deal in whatever I did do. I'm at the point where my education is the most important thing, and it's taken me sometime to get here...and now the money is running away. I don't know how I'll pay for my BA, needless to say the rest of this AS. From this fear, I've gotten so much better at saving money. I'm learning lots of ways of just not spending cash. If you take the want out of hunger you save a LOT of money. I've lived on white rice and miso soup for probably a week now. It's filling and uber cheap. Good thing it's tasty too!
Ever wake up and think 'No thank you'?
I feel like a social rag doll, too many situations are beating me up and I'm just on the run from it all really. Dodging bullets and hiding out, trying to figure it out, want to get my life into my own hands and have a place I feel safe. I'm doing all the right things, I make myself proud, but life could cut me a fucking break....and maybe a check.
Ashley.
I'm really close to having my degree and that's cool..but only in the fact that I'll need to start getting my money/mind/living right for the next degree. mmmh.
I'm at the point where I really, really, really wish all I could do is just study and focus on school. I get lost in my notes easily and just want to accomplish the things I set out to do this semester. I thought I had a hard time studying at my house, so I basically immigrated to Tyler's house...not any better there either. His roommate sucks a big cock. I don't like that guy and he scares me. I feel threatened by him. All he talks about is how he needs to get laid, and takes pisses with the door open all the time. I'm running away from that place and fast.
I'm a little tired of the setting all together. Nothing really major just crave the independence that probably all only children do, in a cyclical fashion.
I've been breaking down a lot lately too, it seems that the common theme coming from my lips is 'it's just a lot'. I get overwhelmed EASILY. I think it's boiling down the this underlying feeling of not belonging anywhere? My mom told me she was going to sell the house since I'm moving out. She said she only bought it for me and now that I'm abandoning her there is no point. She's crazy and lying I think. However when she told me I totally lost it.
Because she and I already have so many issues going on, and that's just not what I needed to hear. I think she gets her kicks by getting trashed and making me feel like a fuck up for everything I do. I work my ass off, I do GREAT in school, I pay my bills, I'm not too damn shabby for a 21 year old. She said I'm a hypocrite for quitting smoking? and that I think I'm better than her. That's not true. I've made one remark about her quitting and it's because I don't want to watch her die. It scares me to hear her hack up a fucking lung in the morning coughing, and I care about her. However, it's all different in her eyes. Meh... I don't know what to do. I keep going to work and making money. I keep going to school and studying. It would just be much better if I could have some FUCKING PEACE AND QUIET IN MY LIFE.
You know how when you're a kid and you imagine your 'adult future' I never totally knew what I wanted to be, but I knew I wanted to be a big deal in whatever I did do. I'm at the point where my education is the most important thing, and it's taken me sometime to get here...and now the money is running away. I don't know how I'll pay for my BA, needless to say the rest of this AS. From this fear, I've gotten so much better at saving money. I'm learning lots of ways of just not spending cash. If you take the want out of hunger you save a LOT of money. I've lived on white rice and miso soup for probably a week now. It's filling and uber cheap. Good thing it's tasty too!
Ever wake up and think 'No thank you'?
I feel like a social rag doll, too many situations are beating me up and I'm just on the run from it all really. Dodging bullets and hiding out, trying to figure it out, want to get my life into my own hands and have a place I feel safe. I'm doing all the right things, I make myself proud, but life could cut me a fucking break....and maybe a check.
Ashley.