Here in my favorite place.
Click to viewSmell j. Lj.
This week/weekend sucked.
Three weeks till school is over, and I've hit the sad realization that I'm not able to take anymore bullshit classes to get me by without deciding on a major. I'm starting to panic. I'm being raped by the college against a very raw and painful brick wall. However, in second thought, it's not really the college as maybe it's myself, I'm the only one who can really be held accountable for my lack of intrigue into choosing a career. Do I just take a semester off? What would I do with myself? Probably just work, spend money on music and shows. Then I would become delirious again about going into something wonderful like music photog, or journalism. Lets get real, read this shit... I couldn't write in a published work. It would contain me ranting about everything that annoys this only child, in poor grammar. What the fuck am I going to do with myself? What happened to all my grand plans as a teen to go into awesome fields? I can't even remember the plans anymore. I probably had no plans, to be quite real with myself. It was probably mumbled sentences through drunken ideas.
I liked myself better about three years ago. I was working the same amount as I am now, and that was 'admirable' and 'mature'. Now, I'm just the angry college kid who fantasizes about spitting in your food, or running the dull steak knife on the table across your throat. The angry college kid, who is failing at being a college kid, very well. That's another issue... I'd somewhat understand if I wasn't such a good student. I make good grades, I tutor in math, I'm in the ecology community... which just started the other day. The leader of the eco. club asked everyone to give a little info on themselves. I'm tired of saying " I'm Ashley, I have no major, and I've been here for three years..." It's really a great way to remember I have wasted my time. I've just been drilling on this all week, and other issues, too.
I'm such a brat, and I hate when things don't go the way I'd like them to. That's my problem for everything really. If it's not going somewhat the way I planned I automatically hate it. Suppose I have control issues.
This week/weekend sucked.