Just a thought....or a novel

[lolita_couture]

I think I might be having a breakdown...
nervous or not.
It's something, and I want to scream.

I have NO ONE to talk to.
There is no one willing to really listen.
No one who is here to hold my hand.
I am alone, and yet I can't reach out because I am bound.

I want to cry,
to throw things,
to ANYthing.

I feel all the time like I am moving so fast and yet I am achieving nothing.
There is no stillness, no calm...
no understanding.

I have been trying so so hard,
but what do I have for it?
A.....I know I'm working toward a goal, but why is it that I have to work so hard???
I don't even know what I'm saying now...I know one of my goals is there...I can see it...
BUT
what about now?
what about ME NOW?!?
Is there anyone paying attention?
I need someone here...
I need someone now...
I need a REAL friend.
Someone who has the same idea of fun--
who doesn't think they're better...
who doesn't judge...
Just is...just is my friend...that's all I want
That's all I need.
Who's going to listen to me?
Who's going to understand--since the only person who can is always too tired to really listen...
And even then,
when they aren't,
I feel like they don't get IT,
they don't get me.

Is there someone who knows me?
There are all these thoughts floating around in my head,
they rarely get spoken...
What do I do with all of this???

I have no idea....so you know what I do?
I read...I read and I read and read some more...
I live in their world and leave all of me and everyone's requests behind.
Too bad those tickets are always round-trip.