what don't you get?
How many times will I have to tell you that I hate being left out?
That I hate thinking that I have plans only to find out that I really have none.
I think I've probably re-stated this fact until I am blue in the face but apparently no one pays me any attention.
I am pissed because one of my good friends is a big bitch-face and not helpful whatsoever.
I'm pissed she thinks it's more important for her to mope around her new house with her roommates who "need" her and she thinks that they think she's cool because she's older and cleans the kitchen?
Whatever....you're lame.
Don't mind me, I've just been one of your best friends for the last two years...
It's ok, you just go hang out with them and tell me again how tired you are and don't have the time or the energy to hang out...then call me the next day and ask me to check over your fucking paper...
yeah, no problem...I'll just go out of my way for you even though you can't even give me an hour of your oh-so precious time.
And then there's you....
you who I'm mad at because you cancelled.
I had a fun weekend planned out in my head and now I don't get to do any of it.
Because of you I wandered around for a good hour or two trying to figure out what to do.
Listened to people throw fits...
walked on eggshells...even though it seems that to everyone else they are the ones that have to walk on eggshells around me....whatever.
Then I ended up doing exactly what I DIDN'T want to do.
Sit it that fucking house, drink beer, play cards, and leave 2 hours later smelling like a fucking ashtray.
Usually my friday night goal...or not.
Now today, I was going to go on a bike ride,
but then my plans changed.
You see...apparently there's another friend in town...
so this lovely three day weekend I get to hang out
A. either by myself
or
B. with someone I don't want to hang out with
--because apparently I have no fucking friends--
I'm mad...
I just sat in the stupid bath tub for about an hour...
just wasting the minutes until jeff can leave.
I'm also pissed off because why???
why???
Because I'm not allowed to get upset.
Because every fucking time I do, it's me ALWAYS getting upset.
(or so I'm told)
So I don't think it would matter if I got mad once a month or once a day....
it would always be ALWAYS
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS
so whatever...if I'm always mad then why the fuck hang out with me?
Just let me be by my goddamn miserable self so you can be happy doing whatever it is that is just soooo fun.
Then, to top it off...let me just throw something HUGE on you and then expect you to just smile and be excited about it?
Okay...I'm going to go to a fucking island off the coast of africa for ten weeks...
Now don't react negatively...
I'm only going to be gone for ten weeks...
I'll only be in the opposite fucking hemisphere...
Don't worry...I'll be back...blah dee fucking blah...
Well....guess what?
I'm going to react!
And guess what?!?!
He's going to get mad at me for it...
So until he figures out that I can be upset because he fucking wants to go to the other goddamn side of the world without me AGAIN then I will keep getting mad at these "stupid" things....and every little thing he does to leave me out, cancel on me, whatever...ignore the things that are important to me I will keep on acting this same way.
I don't have to be ALWAYS like this...
I am happy.
Just stop fucking pissing me off and then making me feel ridiculous for getting upset about whatever it is.
That I hate thinking that I have plans only to find out that I really have none.
I think I've probably re-stated this fact until I am blue in the face but apparently no one pays me any attention.
I am pissed because one of my good friends is a big bitch-face and not helpful whatsoever.
I'm pissed she thinks it's more important for her to mope around her new house with her roommates who "need" her and she thinks that they think she's cool because she's older and cleans the kitchen?
Whatever....you're lame.
Don't mind me, I've just been one of your best friends for the last two years...
It's ok, you just go hang out with them and tell me again how tired you are and don't have the time or the energy to hang out...then call me the next day and ask me to check over your fucking paper...
yeah, no problem...I'll just go out of my way for you even though you can't even give me an hour of your oh-so precious time.
And then there's you....
you who I'm mad at because you cancelled.
I had a fun weekend planned out in my head and now I don't get to do any of it.
Because of you I wandered around for a good hour or two trying to figure out what to do.
Listened to people throw fits...
walked on eggshells...even though it seems that to everyone else they are the ones that have to walk on eggshells around me....whatever.
Then I ended up doing exactly what I DIDN'T want to do.
Sit it that fucking house, drink beer, play cards, and leave 2 hours later smelling like a fucking ashtray.
Usually my friday night goal...or not.
Now today, I was going to go on a bike ride,
but then my plans changed.
You see...apparently there's another friend in town...
so this lovely three day weekend I get to hang out
A. either by myself
or
B. with someone I don't want to hang out with
--because apparently I have no fucking friends--
I'm mad...
I just sat in the stupid bath tub for about an hour...
just wasting the minutes until jeff can leave.
I'm also pissed off because why???
why???
Because I'm not allowed to get upset.
Because every fucking time I do, it's me ALWAYS getting upset.
(or so I'm told)
So I don't think it would matter if I got mad once a month or once a day....
it would always be ALWAYS
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS
so whatever...if I'm always mad then why the fuck hang out with me?
Just let me be by my goddamn miserable self so you can be happy doing whatever it is that is just soooo fun.
Then, to top it off...let me just throw something HUGE on you and then expect you to just smile and be excited about it?
Okay...I'm going to go to a fucking island off the coast of africa for ten weeks...
Now don't react negatively...
I'm only going to be gone for ten weeks...
I'll only be in the opposite fucking hemisphere...
Don't worry...I'll be back...blah dee fucking blah...
Well....guess what?
I'm going to react!
And guess what?!?!
He's going to get mad at me for it...
So until he figures out that I can be upset because he fucking wants to go to the other goddamn side of the world without me AGAIN then I will keep getting mad at these "stupid" things....and every little thing he does to leave me out, cancel on me, whatever...ignore the things that are important to me I will keep on acting this same way.
I don't have to be ALWAYS like this...
I am happy.
Just stop fucking pissing me off and then making me feel ridiculous for getting upset about whatever it is.