(no subject)
After a long period of having lost myself, wondering and wandering but finding myself sometimes. I have stayed up late, getting drunk, watching an indian romance on TV. I remembers O Saathi Re by Kishore Kumar from when I was about 16 or 17. I flashed back to what made me want to study culture and religions. What made me buy my first bellydance skirt. The happiness singing along to the song made it all rush back. Vira brought that back to me before I even knew it. Russian Chorus was such a joy. and I took it for granted. As I have everything else. I have been so fortunate and underperformed so much.
I should remember this and delve back into it. Everytime I get discouraged and lost and depressed. I should delve into the music and culture and the feeling of being in this.
Restored draft from I don't know when. Still true today. I have a lot to say, so I'm typing instead of the writing I've been trying to do. This is first of all, sparked by a podcast I listened to by Rachel Brathen featuring her yogi friend Ashley Albrand.
To start with: Roderick. Right now my heart is so full of love for this man. I'm sipping my favorite wine that he surprised me with, along with my favorite chocolates and some flowers. I love him. I lucked out. He knows I love the way his t-shirts smell so he left me one to keep me company. I sleep with it. So thoughtful and sweet. Just like his mother, as my mother points out. He changed my oil for me. The kisses and we shared when he surprised me on Saturday. The special night we shared when he finally got here on Friday. I have really been so fortunate to have met him that one night.
Ashley and Rachel discussed the divine goddess and the power of femininity, bringing life into this world. They discussed something that has plagued me, bringing life into a world where there is so much evil and darkness. They talked about perpetuating the light in the world. Rachel's words resonated with me, that her grandmother, her mother and herself all grew up through hard times. And she said that there is no panic within her now. She knows that Lea was born into a place, where hopefully, she can be a force of power and happiness. This gives me hope.
I also identified with Ashley. She came from a similar background as I did, father and mother separated. Not able to make friends. Experienced sexual trauma. Found sexuality and pornography at a young age, introduced by an older male figure. Was left by father. She walked through her experiences and her growth. I identify with a lot of them.
I hope I can give nothing but love from now on. I want to journey, and teach my mind and body to fully relax. I am still lost. I have been lost, maybe because I have told myself that I need to be something, live up to something. What is it inside that needs to be healed? One question that Ashley asked. Focus on that. What is left in you that needs to be taken care of?
I should remember this and delve back into it. Everytime I get discouraged and lost and depressed. I should delve into the music and culture and the feeling of being in this.
Restored draft from I don't know when. Still true today. I have a lot to say, so I'm typing instead of the writing I've been trying to do. This is first of all, sparked by a podcast I listened to by Rachel Brathen featuring her yogi friend Ashley Albrand.
To start with: Roderick. Right now my heart is so full of love for this man. I'm sipping my favorite wine that he surprised me with, along with my favorite chocolates and some flowers. I love him. I lucked out. He knows I love the way his t-shirts smell so he left me one to keep me company. I sleep with it. So thoughtful and sweet. Just like his mother, as my mother points out. He changed my oil for me. The kisses and we shared when he surprised me on Saturday. The special night we shared when he finally got here on Friday. I have really been so fortunate to have met him that one night.
Ashley and Rachel discussed the divine goddess and the power of femininity, bringing life into this world. They discussed something that has plagued me, bringing life into a world where there is so much evil and darkness. They talked about perpetuating the light in the world. Rachel's words resonated with me, that her grandmother, her mother and herself all grew up through hard times. And she said that there is no panic within her now. She knows that Lea was born into a place, where hopefully, she can be a force of power and happiness. This gives me hope.
I also identified with Ashley. She came from a similar background as I did, father and mother separated. Not able to make friends. Experienced sexual trauma. Found sexuality and pornography at a young age, introduced by an older male figure. Was left by father. She walked through her experiences and her growth. I identify with a lot of them.
I hope I can give nothing but love from now on. I want to journey, and teach my mind and body to fully relax. I am still lost. I have been lost, maybe because I have told myself that I need to be something, live up to something. What is it inside that needs to be healed? One question that Ashley asked. Focus on that. What is left in you that needs to be taken care of?