small and needy.
Sia - Breathe Me
Found at skreemr.com
I've been listening to this song over and over again for a while lately, and it's just perfect. The mood, the lyrics... it just fits the phase I seem to be in lately. I'm trying to get out of this funk I've gotten myself into, but I've been feeling very alone in everything lately. Sometimes you just need guidance. A hand to hold, and lead. But I've been taught to never rely on people, because it will only end up in failure. I can't get myself to trust or rely on anybody, and maybe that's just what I need. Maybe I just need to break away from this shell and let people in more often.
I never realized how cold and distant of a person I really am until people started talking about it with me. Confrontation. My worst enemy. Maybe that's why my relationships with boys/friends/people in general never work out the way I plan them to. Kyle and I are done with, and it's absolutely my fault. I've lost many friends in the past few years, and that's also completely my fault. I don't know how to make connections last.
Anyway. On a side note. Today was good. I had a good critique in my photography class, and all went well. I made chocolate chip and apple cinnamon muffins for the class, and they were all done within a matter of minutes. I'm more of a cook, then I am a "baker"--so I wasn't sure how good they were, but apparently they were pretty good. That made me happy, too. It's been rainy and dark all day. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I have a psychology paper to turn in at six today. I think I did good on that, too. I'm actually passing my science class which is a RELIEF to know. I can't believe the semester is already done. I couldn't be happier. I can't wait to go home for a while and just chill. Make art because I want to, not because I'm assigned to. I have some projects in mind. My materials are already bought and waiting for me in my room back home.
I'm cold. I need to dress warmer. I need actual winter clothes. And I need to get going.