ok........ so heres whats going on
ok sooo..... yesterday wasnt the best day for me at all as all of you saw seeing as well yeaterday you all saw that i had been cutting my wrists and well i know that must have been really hard to see. i know its allways really hard to see a friend or someone you really care about hurting themselves and well i just wanted to say that i am really sorry for hurting myself im really stressed and i had been off of my meds for a bit of a while and well its really hard to control my emotions without my meds and stuff so im going to go ahead and let you all in on whats happened in my life before you know me
when i was little i wittnesed a shooting right out side of my house. i was mabee 6 years old and i had no idea what was going on. at the time my parents said i was to young to understand but, i ended up beeing a very tramatized little girl. when i was 7 my mom decided to let my brother go and live with my dad. i still didnt understand what was going on because when i was 5 she gave my little sister up for adoption when i was 8 she gave up the twins.i just didnt understand why mom didnt love my siblings enough to want to take care of them .......when i was 10 my mom had another baby a little boy who some of you know as my little brother josh and my mom decided to keep him, but a few months after he was born there started to be alot of problems. finaly my mom and step dad decided to get a divorce , this is what led me into drugs. all threw out my house there was drugs from my mom going threw a deppressive state when my dad decided to leave and i was stuck in the middle so was my baby brother, a few months in to this and i was a 10 year old pot head selling drugs for money to feed me and my brother it was sad and it was hard i was so young i didnt really even know what to do and it hurt to think that my mom didnt love me enough to get on her feet and try to work and get out of her depression. about a month after i turned 11 my mom was admited to the psyco ward to a hospital in another city me and my brother were sent to live with friends and family ..........
at this time my family would have proboubly said i was strung out on drugs and that i was out of control and they were right ..... i was .... i had gotten suspended from school for starting fights and i didnt care what anyone had to say about it i realize now that i hurt alot of people when i was at this stage .about a week after my mom was admited i found out that she had bipolar disorder ( its a chemical inbalence in the brain) and that this was why my mom was having such a hard time but i was to far in to drugs to care ...... by now i was living with my father and stepmother with my brother and half sisters and step siblings
things got bad i started getting in to drugs and by now i was 13 ..... i haddent seen my mom in 2 years and i knew she had been released to the hospitol ....she sighned over all rights of custody to my father.......when i was 14 i started high school at springfield high ......... and as many can guess i fell into the wrong croud i started skipping school and got int oworse and heavier drug adiictions around christmas i snapped and i got into a physical fight with my parents ...... i soon after became homeless.......after being homeless and watching some one die , i decided it was time to quit and thats exactly what i did i got help and i quit doing drugs and then i came to south and met all of you .......and then i found out that i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder also and that i also had personality disorder ...... right now i am on a whole bunch of medications to help me get better but i will never be able to get rid of my didease because that is what i have. i have i mental disease which makes me feel as if i have no hope and i will have to take medication for the rest of my life
im really sorry if this is depressing but now you know me a little bit better and well i just want you to know that i love you all and i just want to thank you guys for supporting me while i struggle with this .... it hasnt been an easy road and its only gonna get harder but i know that i can work threw it as long as i have your support
thanks a million i love you all more than you can ever begin to imagine is possible
love allways
samantha
xoxoxoxo
when i was little i wittnesed a shooting right out side of my house. i was mabee 6 years old and i had no idea what was going on. at the time my parents said i was to young to understand but, i ended up beeing a very tramatized little girl. when i was 7 my mom decided to let my brother go and live with my dad. i still didnt understand what was going on because when i was 5 she gave my little sister up for adoption when i was 8 she gave up the twins.i just didnt understand why mom didnt love my siblings enough to want to take care of them .......when i was 10 my mom had another baby a little boy who some of you know as my little brother josh and my mom decided to keep him, but a few months after he was born there started to be alot of problems. finaly my mom and step dad decided to get a divorce , this is what led me into drugs. all threw out my house there was drugs from my mom going threw a deppressive state when my dad decided to leave and i was stuck in the middle so was my baby brother, a few months in to this and i was a 10 year old pot head selling drugs for money to feed me and my brother it was sad and it was hard i was so young i didnt really even know what to do and it hurt to think that my mom didnt love me enough to get on her feet and try to work and get out of her depression. about a month after i turned 11 my mom was admited to the psyco ward to a hospital in another city me and my brother were sent to live with friends and family ..........
at this time my family would have proboubly said i was strung out on drugs and that i was out of control and they were right ..... i was .... i had gotten suspended from school for starting fights and i didnt care what anyone had to say about it i realize now that i hurt alot of people when i was at this stage .about a week after my mom was admited i found out that she had bipolar disorder ( its a chemical inbalence in the brain) and that this was why my mom was having such a hard time but i was to far in to drugs to care ...... by now i was living with my father and stepmother with my brother and half sisters and step siblings
things got bad i started getting in to drugs and by now i was 13 ..... i haddent seen my mom in 2 years and i knew she had been released to the hospitol ....she sighned over all rights of custody to my father.......when i was 14 i started high school at springfield high ......... and as many can guess i fell into the wrong croud i started skipping school and got int oworse and heavier drug adiictions around christmas i snapped and i got into a physical fight with my parents ...... i soon after became homeless.......after being homeless and watching some one die , i decided it was time to quit and thats exactly what i did i got help and i quit doing drugs and then i came to south and met all of you .......and then i found out that i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder also and that i also had personality disorder ...... right now i am on a whole bunch of medications to help me get better but i will never be able to get rid of my didease because that is what i have. i have i mental disease which makes me feel as if i have no hope and i will have to take medication for the rest of my life
im really sorry if this is depressing but now you know me a little bit better and well i just want you to know that i love you all and i just want to thank you guys for supporting me while i struggle with this .... it hasnt been an easy road and its only gonna get harder but i know that i can work threw it as long as i have your support
thanks a million i love you all more than you can ever begin to imagine is possible
love allways
samantha
xoxoxoxo