On the naming of cats
Ok, not cats. Babies. Offspring. Spawn.
I suppose this is as close as I'll get to having a biological clock, which I actually think has more to do with social conventions and subsequent pressure than biological imperative, but what the hell do I know - I'm just a uterus with tits.
I like kids. I'd like to be a mother...SOMEDAY. Some faraway (though not as faraway as it was 5 or 10 years ago, I'll admit.) day. I'd like for my parents to get to know their grandkids. I'm not so jonesing for a baby that I'd be interested in sperm donation, or single parent adoption. If I'm popping out kidlets, you'd best believe there is a *husband* in the picture. None of this 'baby daddy' nonsense.*
I also spend a ridiculous amount of mental energy planning for things that don't happen, or at least don't happen the way I imagine they will. You think I'd adopt a Zen mentality of just being in the moment, but I haven't gone that west coast. Yet.
So combine the two, and you get the following train of thought.
I have a hyphenated surname. My mother's and my father's last names. People used to ask me "What are you going to do when you have KIDS" in horror-stricken voices, as if there were no worse fate for a child than having a plethora of names to tie them to their family history. And I used to respond, "Well, maybe all my babies will be born DEAD." which quickly put an end to that conversation, and probably all others. My point was, A)It was none of their daggone business, and B)There are worse fates in the world than having a long-ass name.
I have since learned that this is a rude and insensitive response, and now when people ask me that question (which is SIGNIFICANTLY less often, so mission sort of accomplished?) to brush it off with a light and aphoristic "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."
BUT. Growing up with 4 names was NOT easy.Endorsing holiday and birthday checks was NO FUN. (WAH! First World Problems!) In 3rd grade when we learned how to write in cursive, and read Beverly Cleary's Muggie Maggie, I hated a character and it's author for the first time. Props for understanding that cursive writing (and allegorically Growing Up) is hard, Beverly Cleary but I wanted to punch Maggie and her stupidly short name right in the neck.
I empathize with my as-yet unborn children and their progressively(!) minded mother and presumably like-minded father. 1. Do we really still consider women who keep their "maiden" (har har) names "progressive"? 2. If any man I find myself in the company of insists that me taking his surname is part of the marital contract, he'd better be able to stomach the sight and sound of me crying with laughter, cause it just is not going to happen. And if that's a deal breaker for you, well...bye. Nice knowing ya.
So, here's my proposed baby naming protocol.
1. All children will carry my husband's surname.
2. I get to choose all middle names.
3a. He gets to name the firstborn boy, I get to name the firstborn girl.
3b. Ostensibly, this means he gets to name the second-born girl, and I get to name the secondborn boy - but let's not rush things, shall we? And sweet jebus, we are not even discussing third-born children because DEAR GOD MY GIRL-PARTS HURT JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. We will start with (hopefully) one, and see where we're at. My strong suspicion is that I will be at "You are never touching me again, KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM ME IT IS LOADED".
4. Each spouse gets one "veto".
I think those are simple, straightforward, and fair - but I'm always willing to negotiate. The reason I want middle-naming rights is because I want to be able to give my children my mother and father's maternal family names. They're such good solid family names, and I'd hate for them to not have a place in my (potential eventual) family. Also, if I ever get pregnant I will tell everyone that I am a genetic engineer. I want to spend 9 months in a lab coat!! I will hand out business cards and wear goggles!! This is a brilliant idea.
*Not to knock anyone who chooses single-parenthood, or has had single-parenthood thrust upon them. Your body, your life, your choice. And as difficult as it may be, I'm sure it has it's rewards. But after witnessing a dear friend of mine through her single-sister pregnancy, she gave me a choice piece of advice:
"Now I know why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant."
"Why?"
"Because you have to have someone who is legally obligated to be present in order to help you out of bed and off the toilet."
I suppose this is as close as I'll get to having a biological clock, which I actually think has more to do with social conventions and subsequent pressure than biological imperative, but what the hell do I know - I'm just a uterus with tits.
I like kids. I'd like to be a mother...SOMEDAY. Some faraway (though not as faraway as it was 5 or 10 years ago, I'll admit.) day. I'd like for my parents to get to know their grandkids. I'm not so jonesing for a baby that I'd be interested in sperm donation, or single parent adoption. If I'm popping out kidlets, you'd best believe there is a *husband* in the picture. None of this 'baby daddy' nonsense.*
I also spend a ridiculous amount of mental energy planning for things that don't happen, or at least don't happen the way I imagine they will. You think I'd adopt a Zen mentality of just being in the moment, but I haven't gone that west coast. Yet.
So combine the two, and you get the following train of thought.
I have a hyphenated surname. My mother's and my father's last names. People used to ask me "What are you going to do when you have KIDS" in horror-stricken voices, as if there were no worse fate for a child than having a plethora of names to tie them to their family history. And I used to respond, "Well, maybe all my babies will be born DEAD." which quickly put an end to that conversation, and probably all others. My point was, A)It was none of their daggone business, and B)There are worse fates in the world than having a long-ass name.
I have since learned that this is a rude and insensitive response, and now when people ask me that question (which is SIGNIFICANTLY less often, so mission sort of accomplished?) to brush it off with a light and aphoristic "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."
BUT. Growing up with 4 names was NOT easy.Endorsing holiday and birthday checks was NO FUN. (WAH! First World Problems!) In 3rd grade when we learned how to write in cursive, and read Beverly Cleary's Muggie Maggie, I hated a character and it's author for the first time. Props for understanding that cursive writing (and allegorically Growing Up) is hard, Beverly Cleary but I wanted to punch Maggie and her stupidly short name right in the neck.
I empathize with my as-yet unborn children and their progressively(!) minded mother and presumably like-minded father. 1. Do we really still consider women who keep their "maiden" (har har) names "progressive"? 2. If any man I find myself in the company of insists that me taking his surname is part of the marital contract, he'd better be able to stomach the sight and sound of me crying with laughter, cause it just is not going to happen. And if that's a deal breaker for you, well...bye. Nice knowing ya.
So, here's my proposed baby naming protocol.
1. All children will carry my husband's surname.
2. I get to choose all middle names.
3a. He gets to name the firstborn boy, I get to name the firstborn girl.
3b. Ostensibly, this means he gets to name the second-born girl, and I get to name the secondborn boy - but let's not rush things, shall we? And sweet jebus, we are not even discussing third-born children because DEAR GOD MY GIRL-PARTS HURT JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. We will start with (hopefully) one, and see where we're at. My strong suspicion is that I will be at "You are never touching me again, KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM ME IT IS LOADED".
4. Each spouse gets one "veto".
I think those are simple, straightforward, and fair - but I'm always willing to negotiate. The reason I want middle-naming rights is because I want to be able to give my children my mother and father's maternal family names. They're such good solid family names, and I'd hate for them to not have a place in my (potential eventual) family. Also, if I ever get pregnant I will tell everyone that I am a genetic engineer. I want to spend 9 months in a lab coat!! I will hand out business cards and wear goggles!! This is a brilliant idea.
*Not to knock anyone who chooses single-parenthood, or has had single-parenthood thrust upon them. Your body, your life, your choice. And as difficult as it may be, I'm sure it has it's rewards. But after witnessing a dear friend of mine through her single-sister pregnancy, she gave me a choice piece of advice:
"Now I know why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant."
"Why?"
"Because you have to have someone who is legally obligated to be present in order to help you out of bed and off the toilet."