(no subject)
i had a long fun photo shoot today with optic, and i'm really excited to see the turnout, and to do even more in the near future.
i had a great week at work this week.
sometimes these kids really put pieces of my life into perspective.
and it makes everything more worth it.
its crazy.
my job is to help them.
but sometimes they help me.
just for being who they are.
and sometimes that is sad for them. and sometimes it is in happy ways.
i'm so glad i do what i do.
and i hope to even do more of it one day.
harder work.
sometimes i feel bad to say that because this happened to them, it made things ok for me.
because i'm not in it for me, you know?
and they shouldn't have to suffer the way they are.
i shouldn't have a crying frustrated client calling me saying that she is sick and coughing all the time and has diarrhea and is so worried but doesn't want to have to go on these awful meds.
but she is sick.
and i am taking her to the doctor soon.
and we will find out whats going on.
and yes, she is sick.
she is hiv positive.
and yes, it may have made things make sense for me.
but at the same time, that is why i am here for her too. to help things make sense for her. to hear her out. to let her cry on my shoulder. to bring her to the doctor. that is where i exist for her. so, i guess well. i don't know what i guess.
some days i feel like i do nothing.
then other days, i feel huge to these people.
some days i want to tell some of them to shut up and start to learn to be an adult. because some days it isn't about HIV or AIDS. its about them not being able to take care of something as small as making an appointment for themselves or getting on a bus because its too much.
but then other days its like i want to be more then their case manager.
to mother them.
to sit with them.
to be so much more important to them then i already am.
and that is how it has been these days.
and i am feeling more important and fulfilled and i think in ways they are too.
perhaps i will go sit in the bath tub now.
read a book.
relax. be warm.
:)
i had a great week at work this week.
sometimes these kids really put pieces of my life into perspective.
and it makes everything more worth it.
its crazy.
my job is to help them.
but sometimes they help me.
just for being who they are.
and sometimes that is sad for them. and sometimes it is in happy ways.
i'm so glad i do what i do.
and i hope to even do more of it one day.
harder work.
sometimes i feel bad to say that because this happened to them, it made things ok for me.
because i'm not in it for me, you know?
and they shouldn't have to suffer the way they are.
i shouldn't have a crying frustrated client calling me saying that she is sick and coughing all the time and has diarrhea and is so worried but doesn't want to have to go on these awful meds.
but she is sick.
and i am taking her to the doctor soon.
and we will find out whats going on.
and yes, she is sick.
she is hiv positive.
and yes, it may have made things make sense for me.
but at the same time, that is why i am here for her too. to help things make sense for her. to hear her out. to let her cry on my shoulder. to bring her to the doctor. that is where i exist for her. so, i guess well. i don't know what i guess.
some days i feel like i do nothing.
then other days, i feel huge to these people.
some days i want to tell some of them to shut up and start to learn to be an adult. because some days it isn't about HIV or AIDS. its about them not being able to take care of something as small as making an appointment for themselves or getting on a bus because its too much.
but then other days its like i want to be more then their case manager.
to mother them.
to sit with them.
to be so much more important to them then i already am.
and that is how it has been these days.
and i am feeling more important and fulfilled and i think in ways they are too.
perhaps i will go sit in the bath tub now.
read a book.
relax. be warm.
:)